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Original poster

Scrapped Valentines Dinner

141 replies

covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 20:06

Give me your views...what would you do?

It's been a busy few weeks. Home cooked meals every night, home cooked snacks for the kids, cooking from scratch, canning, preserving, sorting out our homestead, basically just super busy. I am tired and absolutely sick of being in the kitchen.

We are saving on money so we agreed we would get something nice for dinner tonight rather than pay a babysitter and go out somewhere. We didn't do gifts, just cards so I said to him, I will send you some money, can you go get us takeaway and I will get kids in to bed whilst you are away and get washed so we can sit down and have a nice meal together and also I wanted a fizzy drink with my dinner (I react to alcohol, so this is my treat and we had none in the house).

He said no, he didn't want take away and the car needed fuel so he couldn't go (there is a garage nearby, but he wanted to do this further afield where it's cheaper, he literally can't just put £10 in from the local fuel station for some reason, don't ask me why). So I said fine and started making some food, looking at a recipe and prepping. A while later he comes in and says "so what do you want from the takeaway?" This irritated me as I was already making dinner by this point. I said I am already making dinner as you said no to takeaway, he said "I was going to get YOU something and I am sure I can manage some" shrugged his shoulders, seemed briefly annoyed but headed back to the office. I convinced my older kids to settle down the little ones for bed and still in my grubby clothes, I went to the office to ask him if he can dish up dinner so I can get changed out my grubby clothes. He dished up dinner and set out a bottle of wine from the fridge - he knows I am allergic to wine, so I thought it was for him. I don't have anything else to drink in the house which is why I wanted take away to get some juice, so my only option is water. He gets irritated that I say I can't have the wine and will have water, sighs, grabs the wine bottle and says he will have water too then. I tell him to just enjoy the wine with his dinner and let me have the water, he ignores me and starts pouring out water for himself. So I end up just getting up and leaving as I literally was so irritated with the whole thing I no longer feel able to eat, especially with him.

I cannot understand this man.... I really do not get it. He said no to take away, so I cook, he says what do you want from the take away, knowing I am cooking, I say nothing because I am already making dinner, he puts out wine I can't drink, then when I say no to the wine, he refuses to drink it himself....

He kept saying he didn't understand and refused to eat unless I did. So it's scraped in to tubs in the fridge.

I am not even hungry anymore and wondering why I didn't just drive and get myself a take away and put £10 in the car from a local expensive garage because that would REALLY wind him up....

Valentines Day Fail!

OP posts:
Lochjeda · 14/02/2023 23:50

Sorry it went a bit tits up but glad you resolved it. PLEASE do an ama thread, your lifestyle sounds so interesting!

Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:51

IClaudine · 14/02/2023 23:44

I was curious about homesteading. It does exist in the UK.

welshhomestead.co.uk/

It is alive in kicking, especially in rural areas but many people in cities are building gardens that provide their food, even keeping chickens in small gardens in cities. When we started out we had carrots and potatoes in bags, now we have around 1/2 an acre of home grown produce

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:51

Lochjeda · 14/02/2023 23:50

Sorry it went a bit tits up but glad you resolved it. PLEASE do an ama thread, your lifestyle sounds so interesting!

What is an AMA thread?

OP posts:
NovelFarmer · 14/02/2023 23:53

So I read it as he put the wine on the table but didn’t verbally offer it to the OP. But then OP stated she can’t drink it and making a point of showing she had nothing nice to drink herself by having water so that’s when he decided to drink the water out of solidarity.

If he did offer to pour the OP a glass of wine that is a bit weird.

NovelFarmer · 14/02/2023 23:55

Sorry made not making.

Eyerollcentral · 14/02/2023 23:55

Dery · 14/02/2023 21:59

“”I am tired and absolutely sick of being in the kitchen”

Then stop cooking, canning, and preserving! Unless you’re living in the Montana wilderness (which I’m guessing you’re not if you have a petrol garage nearby), you’re not maintaining a “homestead”.

The level of effort you’re putting in to cooking/preparing food sounds like overkill and, if you’re sick of it, you’re coming across as a bit of a martyr to continuing to do it.”

This. Sorry your Valentine’s Evening was ruined but it does sound like you’re doing more than is needed. Also, if you’d agreed to a takeaway, why did you immediately just swing into action back in the kitchen when you’d agreed an evening off? Why didn’t you say - you’d agreed a takeaway and you needed an evening off?

I agree with this I’m afraid OP. Your husband sounds aggravating but you sound hard work too. Is there really any need to martyr yourself to the point of exhaustion? Are you actually allergic to wine or you just have a bad reaction to it? I am not saying you should drink if it does adversely affect you, but it sounds like he expected you would take a glass of wine.

Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:58

He tried to pour wine in my glass

OP posts:
Kentishbornknitter · 15/02/2023 00:00

I pressure can too as well as water bath canning,and it is poor advice to say that you can reuse any old sauce jar. You need a Kilner type jar with either a ring band and lid or a clip lid and a pressure canner for most things (not cheap or easily available in the Uk). Not everything can be canned especially low acid foods due to the risk of botulism.

Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:05

Eyerollcentral · 14/02/2023 23:55

I agree with this I’m afraid OP. Your husband sounds aggravating but you sound hard work too. Is there really any need to martyr yourself to the point of exhaustion? Are you actually allergic to wine or you just have a bad reaction to it? I am not saying you should drink if it does adversely affect you, but it sounds like he expected you would take a glass of wine.

Show quote history

I am allergic to sulphites, I will end up in hospital if I drink it.

It's not a choice I make to be exhausted from time to time (are we really saying no parents ever get exhausted?! Because thats BS if that's the case), we have a large family and live rurally, it's not an option to have an easy life - if what is needed to be done isn't done, we are talking about not having food to eat - not an option. I can understand how that is difficult for some people to understand, especially with a supermarket five minutes down the road - unless you have lived rural, you are not going to understand it.

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:06

Kentishbornknitter · 15/02/2023 00:00

I pressure can too as well as water bath canning,and it is poor advice to say that you can reuse any old sauce jar. You need a Kilner type jar with either a ring band and lid or a clip lid and a pressure canner for most things (not cheap or easily available in the Uk). Not everything can be canned especially low acid foods due to the risk of botulism.

Have been using re-used sauce jars for over 7 years without an issue, my parents and grandparents re-used before me - but each to their own! I certainly wouldn't sell produce in a re-used can, but you can see when canning has failed, if not immediately before use

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 15/02/2023 00:14

covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:05

I am allergic to sulphites, I will end up in hospital if I drink it.

It's not a choice I make to be exhausted from time to time (are we really saying no parents ever get exhausted?! Because thats BS if that's the case), we have a large family and live rurally, it's not an option to have an easy life - if what is needed to be done isn't done, we are talking about not having food to eat - not an option. I can understand how that is difficult for some people to understand, especially with a supermarket five minutes down the road - unless you have lived rural, you are not going to understand it.

Show quote history

I think everyone can understand it tbh. Those are all choices you have made though (bar the wine!). There are of course shops closer to you, you’ve made a lifestyle choice not to utilise them, that’s your choice. It’s all coming across quite passive aggressive from the both of you. Do you think that rural living is getting on your husband’s nerves a bit? I’ll hold my hands up and say I wouldn’t fancy driving 50 miles for a takeaway after a day’s work. Do you usually make the decisions?

NovelFarmer · 15/02/2023 00:17

Kinda just seems like a sad tale of two people who really just wanted to have sex with each other on Valentine’s Day and are pissed it didn’t happen.

You’re pissed because he didn’t woo you and make you feel special by doing what was directed by getting takeaway.

He’s pissed because he realised he’s not getting sex because he didn’t get the takeaway and you were now in a foul mood.

theresstillbaileys · 15/02/2023 00:20

I've friends who live a 5 hour round trip to their nearest big supermarket, eg tesco extra rather than high street coop. Local takeaway is 30 mile round trip though there are a few village restaurants that would make you a take away. Compensations are you can see a Picasso in the village all year round, and the King or the Wales' having coffee in late summer. So there's degrees of remoteness

Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:28

Eyerollcentral · 15/02/2023 00:14

I think everyone can understand it tbh. Those are all choices you have made though (bar the wine!). There are of course shops closer to you, you’ve made a lifestyle choice not to utilise them, that’s your choice. It’s all coming across quite passive aggressive from the both of you. Do you think that rural living is getting on your husband’s nerves a bit? I’ll hold my hands up and say I wouldn’t fancy driving 50 miles for a takeaway after a day’s work. Do you usually make the decisions?

Show quote history

So off topic lol Lots of assumptions made here to derive your view, unless I give you my full biography, I am not sure you will really understand.

Shopping choices isn't always a lifestyle choice...we simply cannot afford to shop local for all our food and we can't be back and forth to the supermarket every week. If you think food prices have gone up in your supermarket, imagine what it's like in our local rural shops...it's not sustainable for us, it's why we grow most of our own and buy from nearby farmers / neighbours. We rarely buy from supermarkets, maybe once every 2-3 months...most of our food comes from the garden or neighbours - but I am not sure why this is a discussion as it has absolutely nothing to do with the topic of this post about valentines takeaway 😂😂😂

Husband has always lived rurally, this is his lifestyle and childhood home which I have came in to, I am a town girl.

He's been off work all week, we was in the office watching sport...his issue wasn't driving there, it was that he wanted to get fuel in the city (cheaper) whilst there for something else tomorrow, rather than top up locally to have enough to go get the takeaway tonight

We make decisions together on most things, unless it's something either of us don't really know much about, then either of us make decisions for both / all of us

OP posts:
LadyJ2023 · 15/02/2023 00:30

Tbh I'm confused so maybe he was to..you said you arranged to have a nice meal in, well anyone I know calls a meal a meal and a takeaway a takeaway so to me it says you were making something at home but then decided on a takeaway which would explain why he said he didn't fancy one 🤔 I duno go make your peace sounds like you both need to grow up tbh

Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:31

theresstillbaileys · 15/02/2023 00:20

I've friends who live a 5 hour round trip to their nearest big supermarket, eg tesco extra rather than high street coop. Local takeaway is 30 mile round trip though there are a few village restaurants that would make you a take away. Compensations are you can see a Picasso in the village all year round, and the King or the Wales' having coffee in late summer. So there's degrees of remoteness

This can't be true, the mums on mums net have rules that it's simply not possible! 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:32

LadyJ2023 · 15/02/2023 00:30

Tbh I'm confused so maybe he was to..you said you arranged to have a nice meal in, well anyone I know calls a meal a meal and a takeaway a takeaway so to me it says you were making something at home but then decided on a takeaway which would explain why he said he didn't fancy one 🤔 I duno go make your peace sounds like you both need to grow up tbh

Same

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:33

NovelFarmer · 15/02/2023 00:17

Kinda just seems like a sad tale of two people who really just wanted to have sex with each other on Valentine’s Day and are pissed it didn’t happen.

You’re pissed because he didn’t woo you and make you feel special by doing what was directed by getting takeaway.

He’s pissed because he realised he’s not getting sex because he didn’t get the takeaway and you were now in a foul mood.

Hahahaha Legit!!!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 15/02/2023 00:39

Inthink you both sound like hard work. Things should have been planned better.

Eyerollcentral · 15/02/2023 00:46

covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:28

So off topic lol Lots of assumptions made here to derive your view, unless I give you my full biography, I am not sure you will really understand.

Shopping choices isn't always a lifestyle choice...we simply cannot afford to shop local for all our food and we can't be back and forth to the supermarket every week. If you think food prices have gone up in your supermarket, imagine what it's like in our local rural shops...it's not sustainable for us, it's why we grow most of our own and buy from nearby farmers / neighbours. We rarely buy from supermarkets, maybe once every 2-3 months...most of our food comes from the garden or neighbours - but I am not sure why this is a discussion as it has absolutely nothing to do with the topic of this post about valentines takeaway 😂😂😂

Husband has always lived rurally, this is his lifestyle and childhood home which I have came in to, I am a town girl.

He's been off work all week, we was in the office watching sport...his issue wasn't driving there, it was that he wanted to get fuel in the city (cheaper) whilst there for something else tomorrow, rather than top up locally to have enough to go get the takeaway tonight

We make decisions together on most things, unless it's something either of us don't really know much about, then either of us make decisions for both / all of us

Show quote history

Do you think you both behave quite passive aggressively towards one another? That comes across in your posts. Communication doesn’t seem good.

FictionalCharacter · 15/02/2023 00:48

NovelFarmer · 14/02/2023 22:45

I would say you read the situation wrong.
With the water he was trying to be kind. Like not eating a cake full of cream and butter in front of someone lactose intolerant.

With the takeaway, he probably hadn’t realised you needed a break and he simply prefers your cooking to takeaway. Once he had time to think and because he wanted you to be happy he was going to get the takeaway.
But you just passive aggressively started cooking, spoiling the mood.

What? He was the one who brought the wine out, knowing that she can't drink it! What's kind about that?
He said no to the takeaway, then when she started cooking, asked her what she wanted from the takeaway!

Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:51

Eyerollcentral · 15/02/2023 00:46

Do you think you both behave quite passive aggressively towards one another? That comes across in your posts. Communication doesn’t seem good.

Show quote history

Quite possibly!

OP posts:
DesertRose64 · 15/02/2023 01:21

Kentishbornknitter · 15/02/2023 00:00

I pressure can too as well as water bath canning,and it is poor advice to say that you can reuse any old sauce jar. You need a Kilner type jar with either a ring band and lid or a clip lid and a pressure canner for most things (not cheap or easily available in the Uk). Not everything can be canned especially low acid foods due to the risk of botulism.

I make homemade pickle in jars I save up from one summer to the next. As do my friends and family. In fact Tang jars are the most common jar used, not that I use them as we don’t drink Tang. I do buy other kinds of jars for the same purpose but there’s always a box of jam jars or the likes to use as well n

VictorStrand · 15/02/2023 01:28

theresstillbaileys · 15/02/2023 00:20

I've friends who live a 5 hour round trip to their nearest big supermarket, eg tesco extra rather than high street coop. Local takeaway is 30 mile round trip though there are a few village restaurants that would make you a take away. Compensations are you can see a Picasso in the village all year round, and the King or the Wales' having coffee in late summer. So there's degrees of remoteness

@theresstillbaileys which village in the UK has a Picasso?

UserNameSameGame · 15/02/2023 01:52

I think it all just sounds like a passive aggressive / miscommunication argument … except the thing about the wine. There’s something really off about that. Like he was making some kind of point.

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