Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Scrapped Valentines Dinner

141 replies

covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 20:06

Give me your views...what would you do?

It's been a busy few weeks. Home cooked meals every night, home cooked snacks for the kids, cooking from scratch, canning, preserving, sorting out our homestead, basically just super busy. I am tired and absolutely sick of being in the kitchen.

We are saving on money so we agreed we would get something nice for dinner tonight rather than pay a babysitter and go out somewhere. We didn't do gifts, just cards so I said to him, I will send you some money, can you go get us takeaway and I will get kids in to bed whilst you are away and get washed so we can sit down and have a nice meal together and also I wanted a fizzy drink with my dinner (I react to alcohol, so this is my treat and we had none in the house).

He said no, he didn't want take away and the car needed fuel so he couldn't go (there is a garage nearby, but he wanted to do this further afield where it's cheaper, he literally can't just put £10 in from the local fuel station for some reason, don't ask me why). So I said fine and started making some food, looking at a recipe and prepping. A while later he comes in and says "so what do you want from the takeaway?" This irritated me as I was already making dinner by this point. I said I am already making dinner as you said no to takeaway, he said "I was going to get YOU something and I am sure I can manage some" shrugged his shoulders, seemed briefly annoyed but headed back to the office. I convinced my older kids to settle down the little ones for bed and still in my grubby clothes, I went to the office to ask him if he can dish up dinner so I can get changed out my grubby clothes. He dished up dinner and set out a bottle of wine from the fridge - he knows I am allergic to wine, so I thought it was for him. I don't have anything else to drink in the house which is why I wanted take away to get some juice, so my only option is water. He gets irritated that I say I can't have the wine and will have water, sighs, grabs the wine bottle and says he will have water too then. I tell him to just enjoy the wine with his dinner and let me have the water, he ignores me and starts pouring out water for himself. So I end up just getting up and leaving as I literally was so irritated with the whole thing I no longer feel able to eat, especially with him.

I cannot understand this man.... I really do not get it. He said no to take away, so I cook, he says what do you want from the take away, knowing I am cooking, I say nothing because I am already making dinner, he puts out wine I can't drink, then when I say no to the wine, he refuses to drink it himself....

He kept saying he didn't understand and refused to eat unless I did. So it's scraped in to tubs in the fridge.

I am not even hungry anymore and wondering why I didn't just drive and get myself a take away and put £10 in the car from a local expensive garage because that would REALLY wind him up....

Valentines Day Fail!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2023 23:08

HoboHotel · 14/02/2023 23:04

5 hours to the supermarket and back? What?

I'm assuming it's not 2.5 HR drive each way, but 5 hours once you've added in driving, shopping, snack, and driving bsck

Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:11

TheCatterall · 14/02/2023 22:58

@covertcuddler glad the day was saved in the end with the takeaway!

Do I have to go to the naughty step if I ask for any recommendations for canning in the U.K. on a low/very low budget? Trying to find where to start but much is US based and big outlays.

Not at all! You can get started easily by re-using sauce jars you have bought as it is expensive buying the jars from new. Be careful to wash and sanitise them fully.

You can make a whole host of things through canning from steak pie filling to chilli con carne or chicken curry, not just fruit & veg as most people think. Basically anything you can buy in a tin you can make at home. You just need to make sure your jars are sanitised thoroughly and once the food is in, they are heated and processed properly so they stay preserved, some re-used jars will fail but most will be okay.

This week I made Philly style chilli cheese steak from a brisket I put in the slow cooker for 9 hours....absolutely delicious! (don't add the cheese when canning, do this when eating)

When you stop buying supermarket produce, you will be using your jars, washing and re-using and it becomes an easy system to maintain, unless you harvest or bulk buy a ton of stuff you don't have enough jars from - so try to plan ahead.

Feel free to drop me a message if you want anymore help

OP posts:
CrapBucket · 14/02/2023 23:11

This thread has blown my tiny mind.

Does the 5 hour supermarket trip include the actual shopping part? How can you be 2.5 hours from a supermarket but have loads of other shops 25 minutes away? Unless you are Josie Jump and you live in Balamory.

Next question, is canning literally canning, like you have a little factory line and a machine that seals the lids on the tins?

Finally... your husband sounds like hard work, but your situation is so hard for me to get my head round its difficult to comment properly.

Binfluencer · 14/02/2023 23:15

Sorry, I most know where in the Uk is 2.5 hours from a supermarket but has a takeaway,

Popplcroft · 14/02/2023 23:16

I don’t think Valentines ‘is saved’ by you going and getting a late takeaway. Your relationship sounds like it has major problems.

RedHelenB · 14/02/2023 23:16

covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 22:17

We live in the UK....wow do people really not think homesteaders exist in the UK? This is a hilarious turn of this post!

Show quote history

Homestead is not an English term. It sounds very American We'd maybe say smallholding or farm. Otherwise it's just a house/home.

Deathbyfluffy · 14/02/2023 23:18

Binfluencer · 14/02/2023 23:15

Sorry, I most know where in the Uk is 2.5 hours from a supermarket but has a takeaway,

You’ll notice the OP has dodged the question of where it is - probably for a good reason!

SunflowerTed · 14/02/2023 23:22

Dery · 14/02/2023 21:59

“”I am tired and absolutely sick of being in the kitchen”

Then stop cooking, canning, and preserving! Unless you’re living in the Montana wilderness (which I’m guessing you’re not if you have a petrol garage nearby), you’re not maintaining a “homestead”.

The level of effort you’re putting in to cooking/preparing food sounds like overkill and, if you’re sick of it, you’re coming across as a bit of a martyr to continuing to do it.”

This. Sorry your Valentine’s Evening was ruined but it does sound like you’re doing more than is needed. Also, if you’d agreed to a takeaway, why did you immediately just swing into action back in the kitchen when you’d agreed an evening off? Why didn’t you say - you’d agreed a takeaway and you needed an evening off?

Totally agree. Martyrdom is not a good look

Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:27

CrapBucket · 14/02/2023 23:11

This thread has blown my tiny mind.

Does the 5 hour supermarket trip include the actual shopping part? How can you be 2.5 hours from a supermarket but have loads of other shops 25 minutes away? Unless you are Josie Jump and you live in Balamory.

Next question, is canning literally canning, like you have a little factory line and a machine that seals the lids on the tins?

Finally... your husband sounds like hard work, but your situation is so hard for me to get my head round its difficult to comment properly.

Haha, happy to shed some light on rural life!

The drive to our nearest supermarket (not to be confused with a local spar or something, which is too expensive to shop in and not enough bulk buy items for our large family) is in the nearest city and it takes us about 2-2.5 hours depending on traffic to get there or back from there. Sometimes longer if rural roads are inaccessible, traffic, weather etc. We have co-ops, spars, farm shops, butchers, bakers etc in-between - but very expensive to shop this way.

No, we don't have a factory ha! We just have a kitchen. I batch cook food, place them in jars and heat them to preserve them, just like a tin can of food or a jar of sauce. Canning is not limited to tinned cans like baked beans, you can get home canning machines to make tin cans but we prefer being able to see the food and re-use jars so we use glass jars.

I normally do around 6-12 portions at a time, sometimes more if we buy something in bulk. Living rurally, you cannot depend on being able to get to a supermarket or that lorries will get to your local village in bad weather, so most people have provisions for 1 month plus. Every one of my "neighbours" with the nearest being a mile away, homestead and have 6 months plus supplies of home grown or cooked food, it's just the norm!

OP posts:
Millana · 14/02/2023 23:28

I wish our Ubereats drivers could keep the food warm for 10mins, let alone 25mins.

The Belvoir Fruit fizzy drinks are nice.

Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:28

RedHelenB · 14/02/2023 23:16

Homestead is not an English term. It sounds very American We'd maybe say smallholding or farm. Otherwise it's just a house/home.

Show quote history

Homestead comes from old English, but you are welcome to call it whatever you wish!

OP posts:
DesertRose64 · 14/02/2023 23:29

covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 22:15

Haha!! What a silly comment, there are thousands of homesteading households throughout the UK. It's not just Americans who have cottoned on to rising food prices, not to mention the plastic filled supermarkets and week old fruit and veg. We live largely off our land with a small amount of bulk buying of what we can't grow ourselves and that's our choice. Not sure why this is becoming the topic of conversation, this is about a fall out with OH because I was tired and didn't want to cook.

Just pretend it was something to do with me washing or shopping all day that made me tired instead if it makes you feel comfortable 🙈

P.s. you don't just can in February and it's not just fruit and veg, we make our own canned chilli, curries, beef steak for example 👍🏼

Show quote history

Op, I’m sorry it all went haywire yesterday. But only you w I’ll know if it’s indicative of a bigger problem.

There’s a woman on FB by the name of Jamerrill Stewart, she’s mum to 11 and you have a lot in common with her. I think she’s Mormon and she’s always canning in preparation for doomsday? You name it, if it can go in a can she cans it. As a family they rear their own meat then when it’s been slaughtered she’ll spend days making meals to can. She also does huge grocery hauls and always on a strict budget. I love watching her and I thought you might enjoy it too.

Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:29

Millana · 14/02/2023 23:28

I wish our Ubereats drivers could keep the food warm for 10mins, let alone 25mins.

The Belvoir Fruit fizzy drinks are nice.

We love visiting the city and using uber eats, it's pure luxury as normally its such a faff getting take away - never mind delivered!

OP posts:
piedbeauty · 14/02/2023 23:32

Main supermarket is 5 hour round trip.

Where the heck do you live? Where there is no supermarket but there are takeaways?

Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:32

DesertRose64 · 14/02/2023 23:29

Op, I’m sorry it all went haywire yesterday. But only you w I’ll know if it’s indicative of a bigger problem.

There’s a woman on FB by the name of Jamerrill Stewart, she’s mum to 11 and you have a lot in common with her. I think she’s Mormon and she’s always canning in preparation for doomsday? You name it, if it can go in a can she cans it. As a family they rear their own meat then when it’s been slaughtered she’ll spend days making meals to can. She also does huge grocery hauls and always on a strict budget. I love watching her and I thought you might enjoy it too.

Show quote history

Will check her out, thank you! Hopefully no doomsday coming, but we have to prep for winter or extensive rain, it tends to be a real bitch where we live and makes you happy you have long life food, especially with fussy kids

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:34

piedbeauty · 14/02/2023 23:32

Main supermarket is 5 hour round trip.

Where the heck do you live? Where there is no supermarket but there are takeaways?

Lots of places in the UK have takeaways and no supermarkets 😂

OP posts:
DesertRose64 · 14/02/2023 23:36

Next question, is canning literally canning, like you have a little factory line and a machine that seals the lids on the tins?

Its just another name for preserving and most canning done at home would be done in glass jars with lids. And if you really wanted to know more about it you could have a look on Amazon for canning equipment but it really is no different from when people make their homemade jam in the summer.

Binfluencer · 14/02/2023 23:37

Oh just tell us where and then name change!

Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:37

Popplcroft · 14/02/2023 23:16

I don’t think Valentines ‘is saved’ by you going and getting a late takeaway. Your relationship sounds like it has major problems.

Maybe it's not saved...why does it matter to you if it is or isn't? Sounds like you aren't heard much at home and feel the need to fulfil that need by being bitter and argumentative on an online forum...

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:38

Binfluencer · 14/02/2023 23:37

Oh just tell us where and then name change!

Sorry, I am not sure what you are asking?

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:40

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2023 23:07

So you'd bring a cream cake out, offer the person you know is lactose intolerant a slice, and then make a show of putting it away? Because that's basically what he's done.

Offered her something he KNOWS she's allergic to, knowing she'd say no, just so he can make a performacne of going without

@covertcuddler are you happy in this relationship?

Show quote history

You nailed this!! I wish I could explain it as good as this.

I am 95% happy, maybe I am asking too much for the remaining 5%?

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:41

DesertRose64 · 14/02/2023 23:36

Next question, is canning literally canning, like you have a little factory line and a machine that seals the lids on the tins?

Its just another name for preserving and most canning done at home would be done in glass jars with lids. And if you really wanted to know more about it you could have a look on Amazon for canning equipment but it really is no different from when people make their homemade jam in the summer.

It used to be common practice in most homes until fairly recently, starting to make a comeback though!

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 14/02/2023 23:42

I went and got the take away, I made myself happy lol.

Sorry but that doesn't sound like a glowing testimonial of his love for you. Is there anything he dies for you? And I'm pretty sure "we" don't do the canning, but that you do - on your lonesome, and then get gaslighting into the bargain.

IClaudine · 14/02/2023 23:44

I was curious about homesteading. It does exist in the UK.

welshhomestead.co.uk/

Original poster
covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 23:48

GrumpyPanda · 14/02/2023 23:42

I went and got the take away, I made myself happy lol.

Sorry but that doesn't sound like a glowing testimonial of his love for you. Is there anything he dies for you? And I'm pretty sure "we" don't do the canning, but that you do - on your lonesome, and then get gaslighting into the bargain.

I need to be fair to him here, he does A LOT.

Although canning and batch cooking is my thing (and he is not particularly good at it), he does a lot of the homestead manual work, heavy lifting, building & mending and he takes a large chunk of the housework and childcare. He will do laundry and he will cook if I am tired, sore or busy. He will clean and chop fruit and veg ready for freezing for example. He is a good husband and dad for the large part!

He is guilty of gaslighting from time to time, and still doesn't really understand it and what damage it does no matter how hard I try.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread