Sorry for the long post: I met my partner while on holiday. He's from from another continent but I speak his language. After a long distance relationship, where I went to visit him several times and I met his family, we agreed he would come to the UK to live for a while to see how things went here. On my last visit to see him, just before we came to the UK I discovered he had cheated on me with his ex before I came out to see him. He essentially left this girl in the first place to be with me - he said she was very controlling, jealous and didn't want more children (as she already had some from a previous relationship), whereas he did. We almost ended the relationship as a result, but after a long discussion I agreed to let him come still as he said it was a one off thing, he regretted it and he was very sorry for hurting me. I thought perhaps I shouldn't focus on it as we were doing long distance at the time and he'd be a long way from her once he moved with me.
Anyway, we arrive in the UK in winter (he's from a hot country), it's freezing, it's dark and he doesn't speak the language and he's instantly homesick and miserable. One week later, I find out I'm pregnant. We both felt happy as we really want children, but he soon tells me he feels overwhelmed as he's not sure about living in the UK or how the relationship is going given the cultural differences. It also came out later that he still has feelings for his ex, and I've caught him on the phone to her several times, which I've told him is really disrespectful, even if things don't work between us. I also feel really sad as I do want children, but I wanted to be in a secure relationship and don't want to do it on my own. I should note that I was already pregnant when I found out about the cheating and before he came to the UK.
I'm almost 35, and have wanted children for ages - I felt so overwhelmed that I thought about having an abortion despite this, but I don't think I can go ahead with it as I know I'd regret it. I have a very good job and my own house so financially, even if it's hard, I think I can make it work through careful saving. However, I have little family support since my mum has a long term illness and my family lives several hours away anyway. He is saying he definitely wants to go home now - he said he doesn't want to hurt me anymore, and will support any way he can, but I don't see what he can do from so far away.
I feel really upset he doesn't want to try and make it work and annoyed he wasn't more honest with me about his feelings for his ex, but also I feel stupid for not giving it more time before taking risks. I feel a lot of shame about the idea of being a single mum as it's not common in my circles. I have fantastic friends, many of whom already have children and are very supportive. However, I'm struggling now to stop feeling vulnerable, sad and ressentful for him leaving me to deal with this alone. Many of my friends had awful births and the first few months with their newborns were terrible and I'm horrified about the thought of having to go through all of that alone. Is all as bad as I think it will be?