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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why would a male coworker keep looking at me?

57 replies

Dell873 · 12/02/2023 21:18

He's (42m) my (25f) bosses boss, we do talk sometimes but not alot as he's quite senior.

I've been paying attention to his behaviour the past couple of weeks as I grew suspicious.

When he's talking to my boss across the room he'll position his body in my direction. He'll walk past my desk when he doesn't need to. There's a big window at the end of a corridor which is right infront of my desk and he'll always look through at me when he walks past. He'll look through the office doorway when he walks past. He'll look at me when I walk into his office and when he walks into mine (they're open plan offices with 10 people in each) and he'll always look at me in meetings.

He will do all the above even if it means turning his body and head in the opposite direction, like looking back.

Why does he keep looking at me constantly? Is he seeing if I mess up so he can fire me?

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 12/02/2023 21:19

Why does he keep looking at me constantly? Is he seeing if I mess up so he can fire me?

Yes, probably.

WithCat · 12/02/2023 21:23

Sounds like he is giving you the eye. Avoid him, unfortunately men like that see any engagement as encouragement.

FiddleLeaf · 12/02/2023 21:24

You’re suspicious of what?

aureus3012 · 12/02/2023 21:25

He obviously fancies you. How do you feel about that?

Dell873 · 12/02/2023 21:27

FiddleLeaf · 12/02/2023 21:24

You’re suspicious of what?

I'm suspicious of his behaviour as to why he's acting that way

OP posts:
Dell873 · 12/02/2023 21:27

aureus3012 · 12/02/2023 21:25

He obviously fancies you. How do you feel about that?

Well he's married so I don't think it's right, but he hasn't said or done anything appropriate so I don't know

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 12/02/2023 21:28

Why does he keep looking at me constantly? Is he seeing if I mess up so he can fire me?

The faux naïveté is strong here

MuseThrower · 12/02/2023 21:28

You’ve put this in Relationships, so I reckon you know this isn’t a potential employment issue.

Is he married?

MuseThrower · 12/02/2023 21:29

Ah, x-post.

He fancies you. He’s making it obvious because he’s a player.

Dell873 · 12/02/2023 21:29

MuseThrower · 12/02/2023 21:28

You’ve put this in Relationships, so I reckon you know this isn’t a potential employment issue.

Is he married?

Well I'd assume it's relationships with coworkers? Can I change the topic?

He is married

OP posts:
MuseThrower · 12/02/2023 21:30

He’s also bang out of order. Avoid like the plague, he’s probably riddled.

Dell873 · 12/02/2023 21:31

He seems quite geeky, like the type who doesn't know how to talk to women, so i don't think he'd be classed as a "player".

OP posts:
jacult · 12/02/2023 21:31

Could be a multitude of reasons. He might do this to other new employees, but you wouldn’t notice. I think jumping to conclusions that a male would fancy a female at work are a bit oversimplifying things. Sounds quite sexist, especially as there are multiple threads on here where two women in the same positions and one is annoyed/over invested/has a dislike for the other. At the age of 45, I don’t think ‘fancying’ is the case. Teenagers grow out of the ‘gonna be mean so she likes me’ phase. He’s 45, I doubt this is the case. Do you want it to be the case?

jacult · 12/02/2023 21:33

Dell873 · 12/02/2023 21:31

He seems quite geeky, like the type who doesn't know how to talk to women, so i don't think he'd be classed as a "player".

Why do people think a man being geeky means they can’t talk to women? It’s so backwards. He has a wife so surely he talks to a women everyday!!

Dell873 · 12/02/2023 21:33

jacult · 12/02/2023 21:31

Could be a multitude of reasons. He might do this to other new employees, but you wouldn’t notice. I think jumping to conclusions that a male would fancy a female at work are a bit oversimplifying things. Sounds quite sexist, especially as there are multiple threads on here where two women in the same positions and one is annoyed/over invested/has a dislike for the other. At the age of 45, I don’t think ‘fancying’ is the case. Teenagers grow out of the ‘gonna be mean so she likes me’ phase. He’s 45, I doubt this is the case. Do you want it to be the case?

No, I just feel uncomfortable being looked at all the time like I'm on CCTV. I don't know why he's doing it. I could ask him why, but then things might get uncomfortable.

OP posts:
jacult · 12/02/2023 21:34

MuseThrower · 12/02/2023 21:28

You’ve put this in Relationships, so I reckon you know this isn’t a potential employment issue.

Is he married?

Yep, it’s a work issue. Unless the OP sees the guy outside of work.

Dell873 · 12/02/2023 21:35

jacult · 12/02/2023 21:33

Why do people think a man being geeky means they can’t talk to women? It’s so backwards. He has a wife so surely he talks to a women everyday!!

Sorry, I maybe didn't put that right. I meant as in the type of man to openly flirt and be confident to be a "player". He seems quite shy and nervous sometimes, not like the common "player" type.

OP posts:
jacult · 12/02/2023 21:36

Dell873 · 12/02/2023 21:33

No, I just feel uncomfortable being looked at all the time like I'm on CCTV. I don't know why he's doing it. I could ask him why, but then things might get uncomfortable.

Well that’s a completely different issue. By the way you’ve described it doesn’t sound like a ‘fancying’ thing. I had this with a female work colleague, it was annoying and so frustrating. Apparently other team members had a similar issue. Are you close to anyone else at work?

GoldDuster · 12/02/2023 21:37

You've got loo roll stuck to your shoe

QueenCamilla · 12/02/2023 21:38

If he doesn't like you, your job is doomed.
If he does fancy you

QueenCamilla · 12/02/2023 21:39

... Your job is also doomed

QueenCamilla · 12/02/2023 21:40

So I hope for your own good it's a weird haircut you have or something.

Comedycook · 12/02/2023 21:40

Faux naivety like a pp said...yawn

FiddleLeaf · 12/02/2023 21:40

What is he going to see other than you looking back at him?

pawz · 12/02/2023 21:41

FiddleLeaf · 12/02/2023 21:40

What is he going to see other than you looking back at him?

He probably thinks you're staring at him OP!