Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OLD - I can’t be the only one

109 replies

Treeclimber2 · 12/02/2023 13:13

Signed up to bumble yesterday. Had an idea of what kind of guy I wanted. Had lots of interest (likes) so after my last terrible relationship decided I should be a bit more choosy, you know there seemed to be a lot of options out there.

Now it seems the more I swipe, the worse the options become. Not only that, there’s just no one on there that I fancy. I’m 41, looking for a man 40-50 ish. I’m attractive. Argh my life sucks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Treeclimber2 · 12/02/2023 13:15

I get 1 child free night a week if I’m lucky. Maybe I should t bother. Just wanted a reason to get dressed up and just something to feel excited about.

OP posts:
Kiitos · 12/02/2023 13:15

It shows you the better options first. Then once you’ve looked through them, it starts showing the less desirable ones

YouTarzan · 12/02/2023 13:16

You can’t tell if you fancy them until you’ve met.

Original poster
Treeclimber2 · 12/02/2023 13:18

YouTarzan · 12/02/2023 13:16

You can’t tell if you fancy them until you’ve met.

I can though… willing to give people a chance but I know if someone is or isn’t my round about type. But yes I guess attractive ones are shown first.

OP posts:
whatwouldAnnaDelveydo · 12/02/2023 13:18

As PP said, it shows the most attractive ones first. Try again tomorrow, maybe?

WagyuBeef · 12/02/2023 13:18

Have you tried meetup.com might be better to go to a group meet up in a pub or something and see who's there

Shapemyeyebrows · 12/02/2023 13:28

@Treeclimber2 im in the same boat! Just signed up to pof to have a scroll through, searched similar age range - 39 to 50 within a 10 mile radius and I can honestly say I fancied none of them. Now what?! 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Treeclimber2 · 12/02/2023 13:41

Shapemyeyebrows · 12/02/2023 13:28

@Treeclimber2 im in the same boat! Just signed up to pof to have a scroll through, searched similar age range - 39 to 50 within a 10 mile radius and I can honestly say I fancied none of them. Now what?! 🤷‍♀️

It’s a nightmare! I spent all this time keeping myself looking good and taking care of my diet, skin, etc. For what? But seriously, it only takes one person doesn’t it. I am going to try to stick it out for a month.

OP posts:
Original poster
Treeclimber2 · 12/02/2023 13:42

But match and POF are sooooo much worse than bumble. Honestly.

OP posts:
Brainstorm23 · 12/02/2023 13:52

If you have one child free night a week at best then what makes you think guys will be interested in you? Bit hard to build a relationship with someone you never actually see.

Original poster
Treeclimber2 · 12/02/2023 14:00

Brainstorm23 · 12/02/2023 13:52

If you have one child free night a week at best then what makes you think guys will be interested in you? Bit hard to build a relationship with someone you never actually see.

Because that’s completely normal being 40 ish. I would only date a man who has children, which generally means at best 3-4 nights child free for him. Add in the gym etc. I work for myself so generally can pick and choose my working hours - afternoon dates, etc (when the children are at school).

OP posts:
Shapemyeyebrows · 12/02/2023 14:00

@Treeclimber2 have you ever tried tinder? I’ve heard there seems to be more choice on there but never used it. You are right though, it only takes one person.

Brainstorm23 · 12/02/2023 14:11

I'm 40ish..i would never date anyone with so little free time with kids or without. Afternoon dates are when I'm working so no use to me.

Binfluencer · 12/02/2023 14:15

Brainstorm23 · 12/02/2023 13:52

If you have one child free night a week at best then what makes you think guys will be interested in you? Bit hard to build a relationship with someone you never actually see.

@Brainstorm23

You sounds a bit needy.

Zanatdy · 12/02/2023 14:28

My boyfriend has one night a week max, sometimes one overnight a fortnight as he’s got full custody of his kids. My kids are older otherwise it would be impossible to link up our child free evenings. It won’t be forever though. Neither of us signed up to OLD though, we met the old fashioned way via work, he no longer works in my direct area anymore so it’s not awkward. I don’t think he would have realistically signed up for OLD though given he doesn’t have much free time though. But we make it work as we want to

WearValleywillie · 12/02/2023 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

xfan · 12/02/2023 14:57

One night a week isn't enough really, is it ? And if no opportunity to be spontaneous it will take a loong time to get to a place to feel like it's a relationship. And you'd also she to align with other people's children' schedules..not straightforward as when childfree. Maybe friends with benefits or something more casual would be a more realistic proposition?

gonnabeok · 12/02/2023 15:04

Try Frolo dating it's for single parents.

Brainstorm23 · 12/02/2023 16:12

@xfan - that was exactly the point I was trying to make. I've dated someone who only had one night a week every 1 or 2 weeks. It took ages to get to know them properly and I ended it after 7 months as it was going absolutely nowhere.

Brainstorm23 · 12/02/2023 16:16

@Binfluencer - if it's needy to want to see your partner more than once every week / fortnight then yes I am needy.

@Treeclimber2 - sorry for derailing your thread. I think @xfan made the point I was trying to make more clearly. Online dating is shit no matter what site you pick but Tinder is the worst.

SomeAlienConcept · 12/02/2023 16:30

It's not needy to say one night a week free is not enough for a proper relationship. Anyway op is way off this with not even a decent match in sight yet.

The hot guys in their 40s and 50s are approaching the women in their 30s.
I would open up your dating age limit to 60 or be patient.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2023 16:32

Anyone, with any kind of normal life, will only be able to meet once per week, twice at best, the occasional break away; once you're past about 40.
The ones who could meet more that I met had either no friends/no hobbies/not a decent job. Or all 3.

worriedandannoyed · 12/02/2023 19:05

xfan · 12/02/2023 14:57

One night a week isn't enough really, is it ? And if no opportunity to be spontaneous it will take a loong time to get to a place to feel like it's a relationship. And you'd also she to align with other people's children' schedules..not straightforward as when childfree. Maybe friends with benefits or something more casual would be a more realistic proposition?

How bloody depressing! So no single mum can have a relationship at all?? What an awful attitude

Binfluencer · 12/02/2023 19:37

@SomeAlienConcept

Don't be ridiculous, the OP doesn't have to date ppl old enough to be her dad!!

Goodness OP you're getting some mad replies on here.

lanbro · 12/02/2023 19:41

I agree completely OP, I dip in and out of bumble and fb dating, the choices are limited to put it kindly. I'm still hoping to meet someone the old fashioned way although in no rush, would be nice to have some options!