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Original poster

OLD - I can’t be the only one

109 replies

Treeclimber2 · 12/02/2023 13:13

Signed up to bumble yesterday. Had an idea of what kind of guy I wanted. Had lots of interest (likes) so after my last terrible relationship decided I should be a bit more choosy, you know there seemed to be a lot of options out there.

Now it seems the more I swipe, the worse the options become. Not only that, there’s just no one on there that I fancy. I’m 41, looking for a man 40-50 ish. I’m attractive. Argh my life sucks.

OP posts:
deeroh · 13/02/2023 12:33

Now it seems the more I swipe, the worse the options become. Not only that, there’s just no one on there that I fancy. I’m 41, looking for a man 40-50 ish. I’m attractive. Argh my life sucks.

That's a similar age range to the one I'm thinking of looking at 38-50 (ish). ☹️.

Looks are important from the point of view that I think there has to be some level of attraction; so a nice face and fit (as in someone who is active in sport might be, not muscular gym sort of person necessarily). I'm also attractive (even for an over 30) so would like someone similar 😀

I do find that a lot of men in that age range don't age as well as women or look after themselves. I'm not sure what it is.

Binfluencer · 13/02/2023 12:38

@CallieQ

True but if you meet them before the middle aged grumps set in you can expand their horizons, socialise them a bit 😃🤣🤣

deeroh · 13/02/2023 12:41

The hot guys in their 40s and 50s are approaching the women in their 30s.
I would open up your dating age limit to 60 or be patient.

Some 50s etc men might be approaching, but in my 30s (I'm 39) I wouldn't consider a man 20 years older, and that's not an age gap I see often in real life. Couples are more often a similar age with a few years between some.

And 60s? I think my father would be appalled, as would I, as that's his age.

Not meaning to pick at your post, it's an interesting discussion!

youhavenoidea123 · 13/02/2023 12:49

I met my partner on Bumble. He was not my type based in looks, but after a string of rubbish dates I decided to try something new.

The initial chat was good, he was interesting. There was no sex talk or innuendoes (which was refreshing). I found myself finding this attractive.

When we met I realised his one profile photo was not the best. He was better looking in real life. He just didn't really think the photo on his profile was that important.

We have been together nearly five years now. He is still interesting, we can sit and chat for hours. My advice would be not to discount people in looks alone.

WhatTrophy · 13/02/2023 12:49

arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2023 16:32

Anyone, with any kind of normal life, will only be able to meet once per week, twice at best, the occasional break away; once you're past about 40.
The ones who could meet more that I met had either no friends/no hobbies/not a decent job. Or all 3.

I don't know how anyone has more time at the start of a relationship, unless they've just been waiting for "something" to happen?

I have a busy life with work, hobbies, friends, adult children. Am I supposed to drop them all?

It worries me actually.I don't want to be someone who drops people for a better offer, but something would have to change for me to have time for a relationship.

youhavenoidea123 · 13/02/2023 12:51
  • my fat fingers it should be on looks alone!
LeandraDear · 13/02/2023 12:52

You're not going to find your prince in one day - it takes effort 😂

Original poster
Treeclimber2 · 13/02/2023 12:56

I deleted the profile already, it’s way too depressing. Maybe men are just really bad at choosing photos. Who knows. I see more attractive men in Tesco, so will try there 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Treeclimber2 · 13/02/2023 12:57

This sums the men up really 😀

OLD - I can’t be the only one
OP posts:
Reclaimtheoutdoors · 13/02/2023 13:00

Treeclimber2 · 13/02/2023 09:37

It’s a very weird thing with women on here. All suggesting men in their 40 and 50’s want women in their 30’s. So somehow we 40’s women are no good to anyone anymore. Unless we want to date 60 year olds. Why are women so hell bent on putting other women down. What does that achieve? Are your husbands listing after younger women too, or are you all married to 60 year olds just to be safe. Bizarre.

Yeah it’s really odd.

I’m in my 30s but get asked for ID a lot.

It would be weird if someone like me who could pass for 20s was walking around with a 55 year old man, plus never mind the optics - it’s just not for me. I’d even rather date younger than go 2 decades older.

heartbroken40 · 13/02/2023 13:19

OP, I would try tinder and hinge. I'm older than you but also quite conventionally attractive, slim, nice skin, nice hair. Had lots of "success" so I screened based on who had a fully written profile, who had at least a bachelor degree, no tattoos, interesting job. I chatted to a few, removed those who didn't ask me out within 48 hours and must have had 40 dates or so in a short period of time. Two stood out, I honestly think they were both the best men for me, if only I could have loved two men I would have done it. One of them is my current partner and we're blissfully happy. Process start to finish took 6 months or so and I had so many nice dates

Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/02/2023 13:52

Best app for me has been Hinge
tinder is a bit mental but some hidden gems !

one thing I’ve realised is that the men I had anything long term with fell for my profile and pic , so they had their own fantasy and image and i fit it

so when I liked them back we chatted and connected fast , as they had an online yen for me

then we ended up liking each other
and now we have split but - it was fun while it lasted (mostly !)

now not every man falls for every photo of course

but in simple terms OLD exposes you to hundred and thousands more people

Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/02/2023 13:53

Treeclimber2

🐈‍⬛ 😂😂

whatwouldAnnaDelveydo · 19/02/2023 01:30

SomeAlienConcept · 12/02/2023 16:30

It's not needy to say one night a week free is not enough for a proper relationship. Anyway op is way off this with not even a decent match in sight yet.

The hot guys in their 40s and 50s are approaching the women in their 30s.
I would open up your dating age limit to 60 or be patient.

60?? I'm mid-forties and I've been matching guys who are early or mid-thirties. Men go for women who are younger and fitter, so do I. There are plenty of 30 somethings interested in women my age.

NoDatingForOldMen · 19/02/2023 08:03

Binfluencer · 12/02/2023 19:42

@SomeAlienConcept and OP

I met someone online at 38, when I had zero guaranteed child free nights (grandparents took them a max of every two weeks).

He's two months younger than me, I wouldn't haven't touched anyone over 45, men can get so grumpy and set in their ways by then, whereas women just get more interesting as we age.

We live together now.

rather sweeping statements, , I have found older women to be just as boring and grumpy as some blokes, it’s about attitude not gender.

LostidentityM · 19/02/2023 08:15

youhavenoidea123 · 13/02/2023 12:49

I met my partner on Bumble. He was not my type based in looks, but after a string of rubbish dates I decided to try something new.

The initial chat was good, he was interesting. There was no sex talk or innuendoes (which was refreshing). I found myself finding this attractive.

When we met I realised his one profile photo was not the best. He was better looking in real life. He just didn't really think the photo on his profile was that important.

We have been together nearly five years now. He is still interesting, we can sit and chat for hours. My advice would be not to discount people in looks alone.

@youhavenoidea123 how was your current partner different to the rest? I find myself swiping left a lot, and I wouldn't even consider myself that picky. I get a fair amount of interest on most sites but zilch on Hinge. Not sure why!

youhavenoidea123 · 19/02/2023 08:33

@LostidentityM lilies most I went in initial attraction based on photos and the brief information they wrote.
My partners photo was not great. If I wasn't feeling fed up I probably would have swiped past. I still don't fully know what made me match with him. If I'm honest I would of totally disregarded him based on looks.
What i was trying to say is don't disregard people on looks alone.

He has admitted to me I was the only person who matched with him. This meant he wasn't having multiple conversations or game playing. I feel really lucky. He is caring, loving and supportive. We are currently on a weekend break away he arranged.
I have told him his pic was really not great. If he had posted more and better pics I am sure he would have got more interest. Selfishly I'm pleased he didn't and delighted I decided to give him a chance.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/02/2023 08:40

youhavenoidea123
ahhhh 😊

and yea good you snapped
him up

Binfluencer · 19/02/2023 08:48

@NoDatingForOldMen

Sure, but generally men's perspectives narrow with age whereas women, free from all the marriage and babies pressures of their youth, tend to expand their perspectives.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/02/2023 10:38

Binfluencer

how can you say that !?
people are people
everyone needs to learn and grow
men and women alike

ponyinmud · 20/02/2023 09:32

Binfluencer · 19/02/2023 08:48

@NoDatingForOldMen

Sure, but generally men's perspectives narrow with age whereas women, free from all the marriage and babies pressures of their youth, tend to expand their perspectives.

Yes I agree with this.
So many men I know single in their 40s are so dull and stuck in a routine, whereas the women I know are much happier and with lots of interests and still have good careers.

NoDatingForOldMen · 20/02/2023 14:24

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/02/2023 10:38

Binfluencer

how can you say that !?
people are people
everyone needs to learn and grow
men and women alike

I think some of this depends on who you are and your mindset.
Im in a hobby / social group ( mostly men 40 + ), we have something going on most weekends, trips away - I have trips planned away this year,

NoDatingForOldMen · 20/02/2023 14:24

ponyinmud · 20/02/2023 09:32

Yes I agree with this.
So many men I know single in their 40s are so dull and stuck in a routine, whereas the women I know are much happier and with lots of interests and still have good careers.

Show quote history

Personally I would say that’s the opposite way around..

Tuilpmouse · 20/02/2023 23:41

Treeclimber2 · 13/02/2023 09:37

It’s a very weird thing with women on here. All suggesting men in their 40 and 50’s want women in their 30’s. So somehow we 40’s women are no good to anyone anymore. Unless we want to date 60 year olds. Why are women so hell bent on putting other women down. What does that achieve? Are your husbands listing after younger women too, or are you all married to 60 year olds just to be safe. Bizarre.

Men in their 40s/50s generally don't want to start again and have babies with someone new, which rules out many of the 30 somethings.

Opentooffers · 21/02/2023 00:09

Lol yes, it's easy to get lots of attention until you put the filters on, then it becomes slim pickings.

Swipe left for the next trending thread