OLD - I can’t be the only one

[Treeclimber2]

Signed up to bumble yesterday. Had an idea of what kind of guy I wanted. Had lots of interest (likes) so after my last terrible relationship decided I should be a bit more choosy, you know there seemed to be a lot of options out there.

Now it seems the more I swipe, the worse the options become. Not only that, there’s just no one on there that I fancy. I’m 41, looking for a man 40-50 ish. I’m attractive. Argh my life sucks.

@SomeAlienConcept and OP

I met someone online at 38, when I had zero guaranteed child free nights (grandparents took them a max of every two weeks).

He's two months younger than me, I wouldn't haven't touched anyone over 45, men can get so grumpy and set in their ways by then, whereas women just get more interesting as we age.

We live together now.

Haha I know. It’s because I said I’m attractive, some people don’t like that on here. Maybe I should have said I’m beautiful AND I look young for my age. Lol. It doesn’t change the fact the men are ugly. And good luck to them trying to attract a ‘younger woman’. Madness.

It ended a few months ago after he was violent. Why?

Me too OP - I'm 39 - I downloaded it last week - don't get any childfree nights at the moment and won't for several years and swiftly deleted it like you I just wanted to feel like I'm not just defined as being a mum and wanted to meet someone to build some kind of relationship with then figured why would they want me

You signed on yesterday !?
that’s no time whatsoever !!!

you need to be patient and set some Ground rules and boundaries

have your profile as honest and funny as possible
good recent photos

and slow down

the man you like might be seeing someone else right now
a man you like might be two years in and has
learnt to slow the hell down
the man you like might be taking a break and has frozen his profile for a few weeks

ive been on for 1.5 years now and for for every ‘are you shaved , send pics’ there are also some lovely guys of all ages and types

I find relating to them as humans and not the other of ‘men’ helps - as I like people basically and I’ve met some interesting people

you can’t say it’s not for you and quit on the basis of less than 24 hours !

Thanks, good advice. I have had no shortage of ‘likes’ (over 1000 in 24 hours), so my profile and photos must be ok. The quality of men just seems very off though.

What is wrong with wanting a relationship? The kids are fine and loved every minute of every day.

Once a week is plenty and I don't even have kids!

Weirdo

Don't get too complacent men swipe 5x more often than women, plus you'll be top of everyone's swipe queue as you'll be highlighted as "new here"

Exactly. Don’t most people have friends, hobbies, families, gym, work, etc. Or - god forbid - children!! Oh no you must be a mother and only a mother. Lol. Some people have very warped views. And to suggest a 41 year old is only good for men in their 60’s. What a joke.

Truly agree. They have plenty of choice so that’s what they’re trying to grab.

Wgat about Saga dating for over 55 men category. You would be extremely attractive to them and have plenty of choice.

Good to hear a positive story!

OP, please don’t be discouraged by all these gloomy comments. One evening a week could give time for a relationship to build gradually, and I’m sure you can get babysitters when you want to meet more often.

Why would you think I’m complacent? Even if I had 5000 likes on day one, doesn’t take away from the fact they are all ugly (in the age range I’m looking for. Plenty of young attractive men liking me too, but I don’t want younger).

It’s a very weird thing with women on here. All suggesting men in their 40 and 50’s want women in their 30’s. So somehow we 40’s women are no good to anyone anymore. Unless we want to date 60 year olds. Why are women so hell bent on putting other women down. What does that achieve? Are your husbands listing after younger women too, or are you all married to 60 year olds just to be safe. Bizarre.

Are you saying you've looked at all of the 1000+ profiles that liked you?

The thing I hate about bumble is it attracts the lazy. You can set up up profile in minutes and just swipe without even reading the profile.

It means the next stage, actually messaging, can be like pulling teeth. 10 identical conversations with 10 different men, with no personality or imagination. "Hi how are you" "good thanks you" "yeah good how was your weekend" FUCK OFF

I'd rather have interesting and engaging chat with an average looking man than soul destroying boredom with a gorgeous man.

Why are you being so combative? Many men on OLD are deluded going after younger women cos male entitlement. That's not putting YOU down, it's putting them down!

I think what people mean is some 40 year old men have had their fun in their 20s and 30s. By late 30s/early 40s many look to settle down, get married and have kids. Of the latter, they wouldn't be looking for women the same age but younger due to fertility. Obviously there are men in that age range who have previously had children or do not want children and wouldn't mind dating an older woman with kids. But we have to be realistic here. A woman with kids is not going to be most men's first choice.

@Treeclimber2

All the women telling you to date pensioners are married to their true love who would never leave them because they are so special.

Yes I paid for the premium thing and so was able to see who liked me. Immediately wished I hadn’t. Was easy to swipe no on 1000+ , there were some attractive people but either too young, or they had gym selfies, or big desires to travel etc. I did go on a few dates with someone who didn’t have children before I met my now ex, but he wanted to go on weekends away to his house in Cornwall, I I just can’t do that. But surely I don’t need to resort to 60+!

There has been research which showed that 80% of women are liking the same 20% of men.

And he was 2 years younger than me. Shock.