OLD - I can’t be the only one

[Treeclimber2]

Signed up to bumble yesterday. Had an idea of what kind of guy I wanted. Had lots of interest (likes) so after my last terrible relationship decided I should be a bit more choosy, you know there seemed to be a lot of options out there.

Now it seems the more I swipe, the worse the options become. Not only that, there’s just no one on there that I fancy. I’m 41, looking for a man 40-50 ish. I’m attractive. Argh my life sucks.

That has not been my experience in OLD, where every other man in their 40s and 50s have toddlers or small children, or write that "they would like children in the future" in their bio. A lot of Peter-Pan syndrome among men, and unrealistic expectations. I do believe than men in their 40s and 50s find women in their 20s and 30s attractive... but very few women in those age brackets would go for an old geezer.

I am 46 and wouldn't touch a man older than 55 with a barge pole, I'd rather continue enjoying my single life.

What do you mean?

@harrietbless they are saying there are tons of people online dating but when you start filtering out things like say divorced (not separated), there isn't much.

With hobbies, men have more time in those ages to have those hobbies when compared to women in their 40s who may have children who they are largely responsible for. I see lots of older male profiles where they want an adventure, 'no drama' and/or something casual, all a turn off for me.

I think a lot of ladies have been brainwashed into thinking that we become invisible and undesirable as we get older. Age is just a number, isn’t it?

@Treeclimber2 that's the narrative but I really don't think it's true. I feel more beautiful in my 40s than I was in my 20s (it's not true and looking at my photos in my 20s I was a real stunner but I didn't know). I know how to dress, I have enough money to take care of myself, gym, hair always done, really nice skin (thanks tretinoin), no Botox, no fillers, very natural look. Yes I honestly think I'm better now than in my 20s and I expected a "better" man now than then and I found one. So it's just an easy narrative but definitely not true in my view

Thanks @LostidentityM I thought it meant filtered photos! I must have still been half asleep.

Though can I ask why people being separated is a problem, and not yet divorced ?

I will still be separated, and not yet divorced, when I try online dating, but I live separately from my husband and rarely see him or have contact, aside from when he picks drops off our child from visiting.

If they are separated but yet divorced this could be due to a simple reason like not getting round to it. Or in my experience it could be a sign of high conflict personalities either him or the ex or both & you could unknowingly end up as a third person in a toxic mess which could go on for years. It also gives a player or commitment phobic man a perfect excuse to not commit to their next partner. I think most advise not dating someone until they are divorced for 2 years due to dealing with unresolved issues the divorce brings up. I for one would only date divorced men going forwards due to the hell I experienced but maybe I'm projecting

@harrietbless I was very burnt by a situation with someone separated rather than divorced so I'd never put myself through that again. However what I notice is with women, when it's over, it seems to be over in their eyes and happy to date. With men, I've seen more that they aren't over the past and don't want to cut ties.