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Original poster

He's annoyed that I don't "do" Valentine's Day

102 replies

34and3 · 10/02/2023 19:21

Been with dh 11 years. I've always found V day to just be a Clinton's Cards opportunity day to be honest. I really personally don't see the need to be forced to say three words on one specific day of the year. Blah blah I could go on!

Dh on the other hand says I'm invalidating our relationship by not doing something for it.

Am I the only grumpy one or does anyone else view it the same as me?

OP posts:
Cheesandcrackers · 10/02/2023 19:22

🍿

litlealligator · 10/02/2023 19:23

I love valentine's day, when you're in a long term relationship it can be easy to forget to make time to focus on each other and celebrate your relationship. It's only Clinton cards-y if you make it that way.

AuntieMarys · 10/02/2023 19:26

I ignore V day and Mothers day. I want my loved ones to love me all year round, not with shit flowers and chocs

Coxspurplepippin · 10/02/2023 19:27

Don't do Valentine's Day - married 26 years. In no doubt DH loves me, don't need overpriced flowers and naff card to prove it.

It's a retail opportunity - the one that comes after Burns Night or maybe Shrove Tuesday and before St Patrick's Day (I know they're not 'retail opportunities ' but the shops just want us to spend money on shite).

So I'm with you OP.

GreenNewDealNow · 10/02/2023 19:28

Valentine's day is for single people. You send a card to someone you like, ask them to be your valentine etc. Couples have anniversaries to celebrate their love for each other. Valentine's day has over the years been marketed at established couples for profit.

Lovemusic33 · 10/02/2023 19:29

I don’t like Valentine’s Day, I hate seeing all the tat in the shops, teddies, mugs etc…, there’s no need for all that rubbish. Then again I am single and grumpy.

I think people should buy there partners gifts and do romantic things when ever they feel the need and not on one particular day.

Original poster
34and3 · 10/02/2023 19:29

Oh phew thanks! As you were...

OP posts:
pawz · 10/02/2023 19:30

I think whichever side of the do or don't argument you're on, if your partner is on the opposite side and it means a lot to them - I think it's nice to put the effort in for them!

I like valentines and anniversary's, I love cute cards from my husband and handwritten messages. He could take it or leave it and is very unbothered - but he knows how much I love it and it means to me, so he puts the effort in because it makes me really happy.

redskydelight · 10/02/2023 19:30

Neither DH or I see the point so we don't celebrate it.

In your case, if it means a lot to your DH, I think you should make an effort though.

Auliza · 10/02/2023 19:31

We don’t really do Valentines Day. We maybe get each other a card and then DH likes to pick something for tea, like the M&S meals.

TalkinBaaaaht · 10/02/2023 19:33

We ‘did’ cards and dinner out in the early years, but 22 years in me and DH both agree it’s a load of shite. I get depressed just looking at the big heart cards, pink Prosecco and minging meal deals in the shops at the moment!

If he is really into it, though, I’d make the effort. A nice dinner or evening out together? Don’t have to do the hearts and cards shit to be romantic.

barmycatmum · 10/02/2023 19:34

He feels how he feels, and it’s valid - even if you don’t do it. Can you just do something for him?

partnership is about acknowledging someone else’s needs, even if they make no sense to you - in fact, I think it’s a wonderful way to show love. If it means nothing to you, it’s not that much of an effort to go through when you know it’s something that would be meaningful to him.

I don’t feel like he’s asking too much. And I usually am the man-hater on mumsnet…

Username24680 · 10/02/2023 19:36

🍿 - got mine too @Cheesandcrackers 🤣 thats my Friday night sorted!

@34and3 Personally, I think it’s nice to acknowledge it. DH and I don’t do anything huge - usually a nice card with a thoughtful message in. We don’t bother with gifts. He works away from home so on years that he’s here for it we’ll make an effort to cook a nice dinner or get in a takeaway and watch a movie or something rather than doing all the usual evening chores that need caught up on.

babba2014 · 10/02/2023 19:36

I hate it. Why get something the exact same day as thousands of others? Why one day instead of several throughout the year? I hate doing things just because everyone else is. My DH can write cute messages on other days. I don't need it when everyone else is getting it. I don't need society to tell my DH or I when to be lovey dovey to each other.
I dislike all the teddies and waste and tat. If I want something, he can give me that as a gift so it's useful to me on any day of the year.
We can set up a table with heart confetti or whatever on any other day of the year because we truly mean it.
So I'm with you.

Original poster
34and3 · 10/02/2023 19:37

I'm happy to get a takeaway or something, yes, (3 kids no chance of going out, like ever!) but I just cringe at the whole card, pink fizz and heart chocs so I'll pass there. I'm aware it means something to him though of course

OP posts:
RNBrie · 10/02/2023 19:39

I'd prefer not to do Valentines day but it's important to my DH so I buy him a card and write something nice in it. For £3.25 and 15 mins of effort it's not exactly a hardship.

Kittybelle123 · 10/02/2023 19:39

@34and3 Exactly the same - I'd much rather be shown love every remaining day of the year (and not in a material way) than my loved ones be enforced to demonstrate it on one day of the year with some tacky, overpriced teddy / flowers / chocolates.

tarheelbaby · 10/02/2023 19:40

As others have said, if it's important to him and you care about him, MAKE THE EFFORT!! Whatever it is, if you care about him, go for the easy win and do it.

My DH can hardly be bothered with the 'flirty' stuff but that's what keeps a relationship alive. If you want your relationship to survive, pamper him.

Puppers · 10/02/2023 19:45

Hmmm.

I don't like Valentine's Day and we don't bother with it. It just feels very juvenile to me. Reminds me of my teenage boyfriends turning up with a single rose and a Tatty Teddy 🤣 However, that's not to say that it can't feel meaningful to someone else.

I broadly agree that if it feels meaningful to your husband then it would be nice to go along with it. Surely part of being in a committed relationship is compromising, showing affection for each other in a way that's meaningful to your partner etc. BUT his comment that you're "invalidating" your marriage by not celebrating Valentine's Day is really manipulative and OTT, and I'd really struggle to feel at all romantic about something I'd been strongarmed into like that.

So to summarise, I don't think his request is unreasonable but his approach is really awful and I can understand why you'd be totally put off (if you weren't put off enough already).

GOODCAT · 10/02/2023 19:47

Early on we did cards and a nice meal in. I saw my Dad never bother for my Mum and she never said anything to him, so I was up front I wanted a fuss. However, now agreed no cards, but still do a meal. Very happy with that.

In a long term relationship it is good to have the reminder to make extra effort occasionally.

GettingStuffed · 10/02/2023 19:51

We usually have a nice meal in but this year it's the day before MiL's funeral, so we'll be with family and No-one will want to be celebrating. We've been married for 34 years.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/02/2023 19:53

Dh on the other hand says I'm invalidating our relationship by not doing something for it.

What does he do to validate your relationship, either on valentines day or anniversary? Will he be cooking you a meal and just wants a card/box of chocolates off you in return?

29052022J · 10/02/2023 20:24

Urgh the teddies, horrid mugs and other cheap tat 😂 Best thing about Valentine’s Day is all the cheap flowers the next day!

ItsaStupidSillyThing · 10/02/2023 20:27

Before we were married with dc we did cards, presents but now we don't bother. As a pp said it seems juvenile and we celebrate our anniversary instead. On valentines day his year though we're having a nice dinner/movies/chocs when the dcs are in bed! I've also bought mu young dcs a heart chocolate lolly each.

ItsaStupidSillyThing · 10/02/2023 20:28

this*