He's annoyed that I don't "do" Valentine's Day

[34and3]

Been with dh 11 years. I've always found V day to just be a Clinton's Cards opportunity day to be honest. I really personally don't see the need to be forced to say three words on one specific day of the year. Blah blah I could go on!

Dh on the other hand says I'm invalidating our relationship by not doing something for it.

Am I the only grumpy one or does anyone else view it the same as me?

Home made card, with scrambled egg on heart shaped toast..... Done!

It doesn't have to be commercialised to be a bit of fun.

Pancake with a heart shaped dollop of Nutella. I ll possibly do that for my children.

If it’s important to him then say he can organise something?

Thats like saying “i dont do christmas”. Seems pretty miserable to me.
Also just because someone goes the extra mile on Valentines day, doesnt mean they do nothing all year around.
For us its another excuse to “dump” the kids at my parents for a night out, and we take all those chances we can get 😃
Last year my parents actually organised a big sleepover with all 5 grandkids(ages 1-8), so that me and my siblings could all go out with our partners. My mum said it was tough, but the kids had a blast 😂

If he likes it and values the idea of it, then do something nice for him because it makes him happy.

It's a bit like people who come on upset their partners don't "do" birthdays, I feel like their partners are being dicks not to bother when they know it matters to the other person.

Why not just please the person you claim to love than making a song and dance about how crap you think it is?

For the time it takes to read this thread, something nice could have been organised.

some people are so miserable on here. What’s wrong with a little day of joy and love after weeks of cold January misery?
like with everything, it is what you make it. Since I was a single mum I would always buy a gift and card for dd, and even though she’s now an adult, I’ve been married for 11 years and have had a few more dc, she still gets her card and chocolate - as does everyone else. I love it. But I love any excuse to celebrate

What a bunch of whiners… why does it have to involve tat? Who’s forcing you into the shops to buy teddies and mugs ?

DH and I have never cared for it. I'd never heard until this thread that some people think of it as a pick me up at a miserable time, we don't really view January or February in that way so maybe that makes the appeal less?

He's being an idiot saying you're invalidating the relationship by not doing anything for it, that's just stupidity. If it's that important to him I'd probably get a takeaway or whatever and think of it as a night off. I can't see why he'd want a present for an occasion you clearly don't buy into or value though.

How have you lasted 11 years if he's been saying the relationship has been invalidated all that time?

I quite liked the day whilst dating and life wasn't so full of commitments.
This year.
I have to send my car for a service back to the main dealer- I have 2 important long drawn out meetings with suppliers. Then collect the car from the main dealer late afternoon. Then a 2 hr commute back home.
I know Dp is continuing a major project he started last week.
It's his week for his children.
Both heads are full of more important duties.
I've no doubt he'll manage some flowers or a small gift. He did propose to treat us girls out for a family meal next weekend.
It's just not on our radar at the moment.

Don't do hearts, pink fizz or chocolates then....

We do underwear and sex toys!

I'm with you OP.

Pity there are not more of us (and those who have responded on the thread) who think the same way.

You could also ask why people make such a fuss about family and gift giving at Christmas when family and generosity also matter year round. Occasions like Valentines Day are a nice reminder to celebrate and appreciate one another. It doesn't mean you don't do it the rest of the year. It would hardly be a hardship to buy him a card and a box of chocs.

Buy a card. Give it to him. Put it in a drawer. Give him same card next year. Repeat ad infinitum.

We recycle previous valentine cards with a new message and the date in them. I get flowers a few days later/earlier when they are normal priced again. We might have a nice meal at home or we might not.
So I guess we make a token effort.

Its important to your dh, so would it hurt to have a couple of your own small or different traditions, for his sake?

DH and I never bother and have an equal partnership every day of the year where we buy things and gift them as we see them and are bloody good to each other as we should be.

However...

It's hardly surprising that shops make something commercial. That's a separate consideration to people's individual feelings. I don't, objectively, mind the idea of Valentines. It might be all sorts of things to many people, such as an opportunity to stop and acknowledge or the perfect moment to make a gesture or a light at the end of winter. Why the heck not? I think when younger, I was quite rude with my derisive statements about mugs and crap cards and people only bothering once a year, but realised that contentment in my own life shouldn't translate into deriding other people's choices. That mug and card might be a very important and warm moment in a person's difficult February. It might bring joy. Nah, not going to criticise that. The shops and their cynicism and profiteering, I'm happy to examine but if a person is honest enough to say "yes please, I'd like to feel appreciated in an overt way", then I'd respond in good faith as their partner.

I've never liked Valentine's Day. But thankfully husband feels the same. I just think it's a waste of time tbh

I think if one of you is into it, it's just a bit mean-spirited not to go along.

It's doing something nice for the other person even if you don't rate it yourself. It's harmless, it pleases them, it doesn't have to be twee or expensive. Why wouldn't you, if you love them?

DP doesn't do Valentine's Day either. TBH, I don't do it in so far as wanting to go out for a meal (worked far too many years in catering to want any of the rubbish they churn out on VD), I strenuously object to the over-inflated price of flowers, and am not bothered about getting any gifts- but I do like a card. Just a small one. Or even a note.

DP finds it a bit hard to express his love verbally, but becomes almost poetic when writing about it. So I hoard those little cards/notes, and take them out from time to time to reread, especially if we've had a tiff, or I miss him (we don't live together yet).

So he does it for me, because that small thing is important to me.

If it matters to you that something is important to your DH, and it would take so little effort on your part, why would you not do it?

I don't get this whole " we do things daily, go out weekly so don't do Valentines day" people, you're all affectionate 364 days of the year so you decide to strike and stop being affectionate on valentines day?

I agree with you, OP! Lot of nonsense, but I wonder why a mature man is so hung up on it?

Why not do away with every holiday?

There are plenty of happy and devoted couples who don't need to wait until 14 Feb to express love for each other.

Neither DH and I "go on strike" but we don't feel the need to be dictated to by a profit-making organisation like Hallmark. If we do buy each other a card, it's plain and no words, because we don't need someone else to express how we feel, on our behalf, we're quite capable of doing it ourselves!

If we forget or get too busy it's no big deal because we celebrate our love when we want and how we want, it isnt us "going on strike". We certainly don't get hung up looking at all the £100 bunches of flowers on Facebook, completely irrelevant to us.

Because no other holiday is quite so naff

Because no other holiday is quite so naff

Who defines naff?