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Original poster

He's annoyed that I don't "do" Valentine's Day

102 replies

34and3 · 10/02/2023 19:21

Been with dh 11 years. I've always found V day to just be a Clinton's Cards opportunity day to be honest. I really personally don't see the need to be forced to say three words on one specific day of the year. Blah blah I could go on!

Dh on the other hand says I'm invalidating our relationship by not doing something for it.

Am I the only grumpy one or does anyone else view it the same as me?

OP posts:
FenghuangHoyan · 10/02/2023 20:31

I asked my partner earlier if we were doing anything for valentines and was relieved to hear we weren't. It's just a waste of money and you should be romantic with your partner throughout the year, not one fixed date.

XJerseyGirlX · 10/02/2023 20:36

I wouldn't do valentines if dh didn't want to, but he does like to make the effort so I do it for him. Could you maybe suck this one up for him? (sorry not much help). I do understand completely what you mean though.

DarkDarkNight · 10/02/2023 20:39

I’m a long-term singleton but it’s always left me cold. It’s more for kids - secret crushes, mystery admirers. I think it’s weird for grown ups in long term relationships to pay over the odds to sit across from each other in an overcrowded restaurant, or to buy cards and presents.

NightsThatStartWithWhiskey · 10/02/2023 20:51

We don’t do anything different for Valentine’s Day, but then we do nice things together regularly anyway. We never send cards for any occasion.

The people were know that ‘do’ Valentines Day are young or not in serious or long term relationships. Or they’re in relationships that are crap all year and then they make an effort on birthdays and Valentines Day, those ones are really 🙄.

ExtraOnions · 10/02/2023 20:54

My husband isn’t fussed, but I am .. so he gets my a card and a dozen red roses every year - they are beautiful, and I love getting them. I know he loves me every other day of the year, with the little things he does - you can have both you know .

ExtraOnions · 10/02/2023 20:55

..and we have been together 20 year … I love the bones of him

Walterwhiteswifey · 10/02/2023 20:55

Cheesandcrackers · 10/02/2023 19:22

🍿

😂

Holly60 · 10/02/2023 20:58

DH and I don't really bother but if it really mattered to him I'd do it of course.

Mouldyfoodhelp · 10/02/2023 21:11

I mean I think if it means something to him I'd do something to acknowledge it, but then I'm coming from an eternally single person who's never had a real galentines day gift, the closest I've had is dinner with a few friends and they got me a small Teddy bear photo frame with a small picture instead of a photo and a cute message and I've kept it for over a decade and cherished it.

FizzyTango · 10/02/2023 21:16

I agree, but it's always nice to have an excuse to do something nice. DP and I won't bother with cards or presents but we will make the effort to have some tasty food together and watch a film or something.

donttellmehesalive · 10/02/2023 21:16

My mum spent her life wanting my dad to treat her or acknowledge Valentine's Day. He used to say it was a marketing event. But it used to make me sad that he couldn't pretend for my mum, not even once. So I agree with pp if your partner thinks it's important, and is a good dp who will put your needs above his on occasion, then don't miss the opportunity.

MyFlagMeansIceCream · 10/02/2023 21:17

We always do a nice meal and presents on V day, but then it is my birthday so all the presents are for meeeeee!!!

Shoxfordian · 10/02/2023 21:33

It’s not new information that he wants to celebrate and you don’t after 11 years op - what have you done other years?

All the hate on mumsnet for Valentine’s Day just seems really joyless to me; nothing wrong with a small celebration to cheer up February

Osteria · 10/02/2023 21:35

I think it’s important to not invalidate the other person’s feelings on it.

there is no harm in you celebrating it, it doesn’t hurt you. It does seem to hurt your DH that you won’t engage when it means something to him. Respect that and celebrate in whichever way. This isn’t a hill to die on.

NightsThatStartWithWhiskey · 10/02/2023 21:56

Shoxfordian · 10/02/2023 21:33

It’s not new information that he wants to celebrate and you don’t after 11 years op - what have you done other years?

All the hate on mumsnet for Valentine’s Day just seems really joyless to me; nothing wrong with a small celebration to cheer up February

Joyless? All the things people do for Valentines like go for a meal, a weekend away, buy a gift, do nice things for each other etc, we do regularly anyway. And if we didn’t, I’d be much happier if my partner did something for me spontaneously on a random day, as he would have genuinely thought about me, not only thought about me on a certain date when reminded by adverts and marketing. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ReverseFerret · 10/02/2023 22:00

Valentines day is commercialised capitalistic shite.

Like Christmas

Grin
Shoxfordian · 10/02/2023 22:09

Yeah we do nice stuff like that all year round and on Valentine’s; it’s not either/or

frozendaisy · 10/02/2023 23:11

Twee commercial claptrap once it gets past "anonymous" cards.

We are fluffy enough all year round.

But if he wants to "do" valentine's that doesn't mean you have to. You have been together so long OP surely this yearly debate is resolved by now?

frozendaisy · 10/02/2023 23:12

I have seen a valentine's door wreath this year placing bets is just gets replaced with an Easter one 15th Feb.

It's insane

I am blaming Instagram

MissTrip82 · 10/02/2023 23:13

We do lots of things for each other that one of us finds important and the other doesn’t.

But no you’re not in the minority. As you know,
you’re absolutely in the majority on MN, where anything like Valentine’s Day can only be ‘forced’ , ‘ naff’ or meaningless.

In fact in a loving relationship involving normal healthy adults who don’t behave as though any tiny shred of affection needs to be dragged from them, it’s quite unusual for loving interactions to be meaningless or naff. Whether that involves celebrating Valentine’s Day or choosing not to.

Tuilpmouse · 11/02/2023 06:32

I think Valentine's Day is a tawdry and tacky load of crap. It's for hormonally charged teenagers. It's a cheap parody of romance and love.

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 06:43

Idk, honestly you come off like a love grinch. Like one of those people that loves to talk about how holidays are meaningless, presents are overblown. Just a killjoy. I couldn’t live with someone like that

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 06:45

MissTrip82 · 10/02/2023 23:13

We do lots of things for each other that one of us finds important and the other doesn’t.

But no you’re not in the minority. As you know,
you’re absolutely in the majority on MN, where anything like Valentine’s Day can only be ‘forced’ , ‘ naff’ or meaningless.

In fact in a loving relationship involving normal healthy adults who don’t behave as though any tiny shred of affection needs to be dragged from them, it’s quite unusual for loving interactions to be meaningless or naff. Whether that involves celebrating Valentine’s Day or choosing not to.

@MissTrip82

This. There’s a lot of bitter people on here. It’s a small fun day - if showing a little affection maybe a gift and special dinner or something is really making you that uptight you must be absolutely joyless to be in a relationship with

YearoftheRabbit23 · 11/02/2023 06:47

I am not into it and neither is my husband, fortunately. We prefer date night weekly rather than enforced romantic evenings once a year.

However, if my husband was really into it I think I'd probably make an effort to mark the day, if only a box of chocolates or something, to show you aren't ignoring it entirely.

ferneytorro · 11/02/2023 07:21

Nothing says I love you more than a bit of card you've bought under duress! It's like when I used to be in the office and these huge bunches of flowers used to arrive at reception from people where you knew the other half and that it wasn't a bed of roses pardon the pun. Agree with others its the other 364 days of the year that matter, same with anniversaries. What does he want you to do out of interest? What is "doing" valentines day?

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