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Original poster

Asking for a will

124 replies

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:00

I have been with DP 25 years. We have two adult children. We are not married.
We are both fifties. We bought our first family home with his salary and a cash sum from my Dad as a deposit. £15k . I didn't go on the mortgage as I was on mat leave ( we rented)
I have asked him if he will make a will. He says he has but has fudged the details. When I pressed the issue he said he has left the house ( paid for) to our kids and his work pension is going to me. That's brilliant. I am absolutely fine with that as I've left my work pension to him as well. The thing is every time I try to say, we need a physical will ie one I can call upon if the worst happens he won't do it. Or isn't interested in doing it. Does anyone else have their partners/ husband's will available? Am I being stressed about things?
I just know if he dropped down dead tomorrow I would have no idea how to access money, unwrangle financial shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:03

X

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 08/02/2023 00:04

Wtf! So if he drops dead your HOME won't be yours?
Married couples inherit from one another although there are disadvantages to being without a will. Couples without marriage MUST make a will.
If I were you I'd put my foot down and both get wills done.

Northernlurker · 08/02/2023 00:05

Wills that are fair I mean. No way should your children inherit your house. You've both put in to the relationship.

Original poster
PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:08

I actually don't mind he's pu the house in their names. I'm more bothered about we have no concrete evidence of this .

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 08/02/2023 00:08

It is concerning that you do not have access to or sight of the physical will.

DH and I have mirror type wills and I have copies of each in a drawer in my desk.

It would help to be married, especially with things like inheritance tax.

Original poster
PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:10

That's my concern. I need to ask him to show me a physical will I think.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 08/02/2023 00:10

But if he died, where would you live? The house, would belong to the children.

Original poster
PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:10

We are not getting married.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:12

My children would be fine with me living in the house. I would be ok in that respect.

OP posts:
Sarahcoggles · 08/02/2023 00:12

I'm confused - has he made a will or not? If not, how has he left the house to the kids? If he has made a will, where is it?

Topseyt123 · 08/02/2023 00:14

I should add, there is no reason why your children should immediately inherit your house while one partner is still alive and living in it. That is just odd.

It should either go into trust for them with the proviso that the surviving partner is allowed to live there for as long as able/needed. Or ownership passes entirely to the survivor.

londonmummy1966 · 08/02/2023 00:14

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:12

My children would be fine with me living in the house. I would be ok in that respect.

which is fine whilst it's up to your children but a problem if they were required to liquidate assets - eg a business going bust/need to fund a divorce settlement.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:14

OP don’t be silly, you’ve been foolish enough to let it go this far. Maybe your children will be fine. Maybe they won’t. Maybe one of them needs to sell the house. Maybe one of them goes bankrupt. Don’t be so ridiculous. I’m sorry to be harsh but any sensible person would simply draw a will up saying you have a life interest in the house and then it goes to your children. If he has no will then how is he bequeathing the house to the children?

Original poster
PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:15

That is my concern. He has said he has made provision for the kids, but I have no idea what that means? Where is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:16

I don't think calling me silly helps

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:17

Stop worrying about your children for a moment. He is likely to die before statistically. You foolishly have no legal interest in the house. You need to establish you have a legal interest in remaining in the house until you die. What if he needs to have care? The house goes on his fees. You aren’t married and you have nowhere to live. How old are the children

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/02/2023 00:17

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:12

My children would be fine with me living in the house. I would be ok in that respect.

But you don't know who your children will marry. Honestly no matter how much you get on with your lovely children, you really don't want to live in their house.

Sarahcoggles · 08/02/2023 00:18

My understanding is that if a property is left to 2 people, and they don't want to share the property, then it has to be sold. So if child A wants to keep the house and live in it, but child B doesn't, then the house has to be sold so child B can have their share. (Obviously child A can buy child B's share if A has the money).
In your situation OP, what happens if your partner dies and your kids want to sell the house? Where would you live then?
This "will" seems shockingly unfair.

TheTeenageYears · 08/02/2023 00:18

Mortgage aside (that was about debt, not ownership) is the house owned jointly and if so as joint tenancy or tenants in common? 50/50 or other split?

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:19

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:16

I don't think calling me silly helps

I wouldn’t ordinarily but you need advice on this from a solicitor. This is really serious. You need to take it seriously and not say it will be fine. Will he go to see a solicitor with you? You have paid in to the house, that should be reflected in the ownership. The easiest way to resolve it all is to do a civil union or registry office marriage. Why will you not consider that?

LawksaMercyMissus · 08/02/2023 00:20

What's the value of the house? It might have to be sold to pay inheritance tax!

Original poster
PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:22

The house is paid for no mortgage. My children are 26 and 20. My post was about I don't have anything concrete. I have asked and he just says this is what I have done. Give the house to the kids and you are my pension beneficiary. My problem is I don't know what to do as nothing is written as far as I know.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 08/02/2023 00:24

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:16

I don't think calling me silly helps

People are warning you that you are potentially sleepwalking into trouble here.

No matter how good things are right now, they can change. What if your children end up with a bad partner, lose their job, get into financial difficulty and need to sell up? Not necessarily malicious, but you would have no protection then.

Your interest in the house needs to be properly registered.

Original poster
PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:25

I suppose I have to acknowledge he is / has been financially abusive. He protected the mortgage by not letting me pay into it, I just paid the household expenses for the last twenty years.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:26

Yes @PeacefulPottering but that leaves you very vulnerable. Would he go to see a solicitor with you? Did you contribute to the mortgage aside from your initial investment - which 25 years ago would have been a very significant sum. Can you show you paid that in to the house? You just need to take a couple of really simple steps to safeguard your position so that you don’t end up homeless at 75.