Asking for a will

[PeacefulPottering]

I have been with DP 25 years. We have two adult children. We are not married.
We are both fifties. We bought our first family home with his salary and a cash sum from my Dad as a deposit. £15k . I didn't go on the mortgage as I was on mat leave ( we rented)
I have asked him if he will make a will. He says he has but has fudged the details. When I pressed the issue he said he has left the house ( paid for) to our kids and his work pension is going to me. That's brilliant. I am absolutely fine with that as I've left my work pension to him as well. The thing is every time I try to say, we need a physical will ie one I can call upon if the worst happens he won't do it. Or isn't interested in doing it. Does anyone else have their partners/ husband's will available? Am I being stressed about things?
I just know if he dropped down dead tomorrow I would have no idea how to access money, unwrangle financial shit.

Apart from the fact that we are married, our situation is similar and our DC are about the same age.

We have mirror wills, if either of us dies everything goes to the other unless they are dead, in which case it goes to DC in equal shares.

DC are now adults and are therefore named as executors, and they have copies of the wills and know where the originals are.

You should be equally concerned that he could end your relationship at any time and ask you to leave his house. As it stands, you would have no rights at all if he wanted to kick you out. This is more worrying and immediate than what happens when either of you die.

Do you have any savings? Could you stop paying bills (on his house!) and start saving, prioritise paying into your own pension, save a deposit for a small flat, anything like that?

When getting advice do bear in mind the stamp duty implications if your children were to inherit a portion of your house then want to buy a house themselves (with or without a partner). They may not be best pleased to need to pay an extra 3% stamp duty and it may force the issue of needing to sell your house. Or their partner / spouse may use it as a reason to keep their name off the house and they’ll end up vulnerable like you.

The norm is everything goes to you then when your time comes that goes to the children ...

I can understand that he wants to leave to the children as you could remarry and then all his money goes to your new husband

Oh, that’s good to know. I stand corrected 👍🏻

They're not married.

You obviously need proper legal advice but also maybe think about what points you can make with DP in order to open a conversation with him.

• Inheritance tax is one - no one wants to have to pay any more than they have to so are there downsides to his current plan which could be mitigated and hopefully work in your favour?

• Stamp Duty - if the DC own the house they could lose the SDLT benefit of being first time buyers and if they keep the house and wanted to purchase property themselves they would have to pay the surcharge for already owning a property. So if DP's intention is not for you to be homeless if he passes away before you then it would be better for the house to go to you first and then the DC.

In terms of the deposit your DF contributed to - do you remember if he transferred the money to you before it then went to the solicitors? All payments are traceable. Think back to what happened at the time and get in touch with the bank and/or conveyancer for evidence of the payment.

Is there any chance you can get married. I was living with my then partner for quite a while and my name wasnt on anything and I used to worry about if anything happened what would happen to me. I went to citizens advise and the lady said I should get married asap. We have been married 15 years now and I feel like an equal partner. We dont have children though. Common law dosent exist I dont think.

Presumably being 25 years ago it was paid by cheque. Chances of tracing that are small. Solicitors only keep files for seven years.

Common law marriage isn’t real no. The OP already said her partner won’t get married.

@PeacefulPottering it is really, really important for a couple in your position to make wills and up to date expressions of wish.

I understand that you may not plan to marry for personal reasons but a marriage or civil partnership protects both of you from additional inheritance tax so if one or both of you owns property outright it is a wise idea.

Assuming he has made a will: plenty of people up thread have pointed out that leaving property directly to the children creates some issues. What's more common is to leave a life tenancy in the property to you and for the children to inherit the ownership of the property. It's quite common with second marriages with adult children from previous relationships.

If he hasn't made a will then you are very, very vulnerable as an unmarried partner. The legal rules that apply don't include you as a potential beneficiary- his children would be first in line, then his parents and then his siblings.

The position for his pension is different- for pensions and death in service benefits a person can say who they would like to receive the money - it's called an expression of wish. The pension administrators will usually first look at who was financially dependent and that will guide their thinking. It is very very important that both of you know what pension pots you both have, what they are worth and that the providers have up to date contact details for you, and that the expression of wish is up to date.

I work in this area and often see situations where in the absence of a will or expression a person's biological family try and cut an unmarried partner out of the loop.

Not sure if I've missed this, but is your eldest child his OP?

Ouch, what a clusterfuck.

Not sure if this has been pointed out, but depending on where you live, if the DC inherit the house and either of them are married then get divorced, it could potentially be part of the pot when assets are divided. That would make things very complicated.

I actually think you need to see a solicitor together, and have it spelled out

The easy solution is you get married (abd he updates his Wil).
You need to be a joint owner of the house. I think if you do that before you marry there are tax complications to be to consider.
But now you are in such a precarious position, this needs sorting. it is currently a right mess.
Good luck x

I hope that the advice you are seeking brings the outcome and peace of mind you wish for.

An uncle of mine died without a will, no-one had any argument about what should happen to his estate, but it still took a lot of sorting out that a will would have avoided. He was a solicitor.

I think if he dies without a will the house would pass to the children anyway, and maybe he means he’s named you as a beneficiary on his pension forms?

I agree but think you need to FIRST see a solicitor quietly on your own.

THEN have a "put affairs in order" blitz - at least, that's how you spin it. And you won't be lying, but you will be quietly hoping that the unblinking stare of the solicitor advising you both will induce him to sort things out properly.

Ideally? At a guess (not a lawyer but put affairs in order some years ago).

Marriage or civil partnership (same thing except you can't sever a CP for adultery, but you just call it Unreasonable Behaviour so, same thing really!). Avoids IHT and while you're still alive, can be used to reduce CGT too.

LPOAs for both for finance and for health.

Wills set up so that when one partner dies the kids get left something (possibly in trust with the other partner having a life interest) - this is to deal with the situation where one partner dies, the other married, doesn't make a new will, old will invalidated by marriage, remaining partner dies and new spouse inherits the lot and kids can go whistle.

Right now, if you nominated the kids as your death-in-service and pension beneficiaries, that might be safest. See bit above about marrying after partner dies.

The eldest child is 26, OP has been with her partner for 25 years.

It looks as though the eldest child and the OP will get nothing without a will.

OP - it’s great that you’re getting legal advice. Ask about whether your financial contributions made to the house over the years might be enough to give you a share of the house (an equitable interest).

It’s rather disgusting your partner has behaved like this - you should be a team. DH and I have mirror wills. That’s what generally makes most sense between couples.

He can leave tge house to the kids but give you right of residence until death. It's very simple.

And what happens if, god forbid, they die before you?

As a retired IFA, I think your position is extremely weak. You need as a matter of urgency either a will or a marriage certificate. Better still both.

Absolutely. Also if the children own the house then get divorced themselves in the future and lose the house or turn weird in later life? You would be absolutely stuffed.

You are in a vulnerable position here op. Intestacy rules don’t recognise unmarried couples. No will the children take it all.

This thread is from February 2023. Bit late now for extreme urgency.

You need to be left life interest in the house at least

Otherwise your dc may get into financial difficulties and need to sell. Or their partners could put pressure on. Or a hundred things.
You could be forced into a care home before you want.