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Relationships

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Original poster

Asking for a will

124 replies

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:00

I have been with DP 25 years. We have two adult children. We are not married.
We are both fifties. We bought our first family home with his salary and a cash sum from my Dad as a deposit. £15k . I didn't go on the mortgage as I was on mat leave ( we rented)
I have asked him if he will make a will. He says he has but has fudged the details. When I pressed the issue he said he has left the house ( paid for) to our kids and his work pension is going to me. That's brilliant. I am absolutely fine with that as I've left my work pension to him as well. The thing is every time I try to say, we need a physical will ie one I can call upon if the worst happens he won't do it. Or isn't interested in doing it. Does anyone else have their partners/ husband's will available? Am I being stressed about things?
I just know if he dropped down dead tomorrow I would have no idea how to access money, unwrangle financial shit.

OP posts:

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:29

You need to go a see a solicitor on your own then. You may still be able to establish that you have a beneficial interest in the property. Is the financial abuse why he won’t get married? Women’s aid may have some useful resources. You are right to take action about this now and you will get it sorted

Original poster

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:29

I'm hearing you . I think I may have been duped. I'm not that financially aware. I thought that because I have contributed to the family household ( more actually when he was unemployed) I would be okay, I'm feeling very stupid

OP posts:

cpphelp · 08/02/2023 00:29

My husband printed me out two copies of his will after our first child was born, and then did the same when our twins came along. Didn't ask him to, but he knows I'd need it if the worst happened. I'm 37 and he's 41, both in good health

Original poster

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:30

Also my Dad paid the deposit on our first home. I don't have verification of this unfortunately

OP posts:

YourWinter · 08/02/2023 00:31

The former mortgage is irrelevant. Is the house solely owned by your partner or in both names? If it’s in both names, is your ownership (as recorded with Land Registry) “joint tenants” or “tenants in common”?

If joint tenants, when one party dies their share automatically goes to the survivor and that cannot be overridden with a will - your partner could not leave his share to the children, neither could you.

If owned as tenants in common, it doesn’t have to be owned in equal shares, and each party can leave their own share to whomever they like, in a will.

You’re in a terribly vulnerable position if it’s solely in your partner’s name.

Sarahcoggles · 08/02/2023 00:33

Do you have any idea who might have the will? Family members? If not, then I guess it's a solicitor. Perhaps you could point out to him that if he doesn't tell you where the will is, then you will just do what you like with the house, and no one can stop you!
He sounds like a very nasty person who cares little about you. This is probably your main issue really.

TheTeenageYears · 08/02/2023 00:33

It's still possible that the house is owned jointly and if that is the case (let's pray it is) then he can only leave whatever share he own's to the DC (or anyone else). You really need to establish ownership before doing anything else.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:33

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:29

Don’t feel stupid, you weren’t stupid for trusting the father of your children. If he has had periods of unemployment then you must have been paying the mortgage then. You need to see a solicitor and they can advise you further. Are you in a position to do that?

notangelinajolie · 08/02/2023 00:36

You can find out the legal owner of your house from the Land Registry.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:37

Thing is it doesn’t sound to me like he actually has a will. He’s bluffing. The house would go to the children anyway at the moment under the rules of intestacy. If that’s what he intends to do then he doesn’t need to do anything. I’d also want to see evidence that he has signed the nomination form to leave his pension to you and to be sure that is binding. Pension payouts are always at the discretion of the pension company and there have been some high profile cases involving unmarried couples in recent years. I would want to be assured on that at least before I signed my pension to him. In fact win, lose or draw here I wouldn’t be leaving my pension to him full stop.

Original poster

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:39

I have never been on the mortgage. I have worked all through the relationship and paid for the mortgage. I've been stupid, I now realise that. But what can I do now? We are not likely to split up but who knows? He has always said that the house is for the children. I've never until now been bothered about money. But I want to know my children will definitely get the house.

OP posts:

Sarahcoggles · 08/02/2023 00:41

Your children will be fine - they're the default beneficiaries. You'll be the one who's homeless.

Original poster

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:42

I'm going to ask him tomorrow where the will is. And ask to see a copy of it. It's not that I don't trust him but I don't trust he has actually been bothered to do it .

OP posts:

Topseyt123 · 08/02/2023 00:42

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:25

I suppose I have to acknowledge he is / has been financially abusive. He protected the mortgage by not letting me pay into it, I just paid the household expenses for the last twenty years.

Unless you have a terrible credit score, saying that he "protected the mortgage" by not letting you pay into it just sounds like bullshit to me.

It is the title deeds which are the legal documents setting out who owns the property. The mortgage is just the type of bank loan used to buy it.

Are you named on the title deeds? Or is it just him (bet it is)?

If you are not on the deeds, are not married and have no concrete evidence of a will which properly protects your interests then you are in an extremely vulnerable position. Right now, as well as in the future.

Sarahcoggles · 08/02/2023 00:43

Also if your children are married by then, their spouses will get a share of the house too. And if they divorce, their ex spouses will take that share away with them. Meanwhile you'll have nowhere to live.
You need to see a solicitor asap.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:44

Go and see a solicitor. You may be able to establish you are entitled to a beneficial interest in the house through your contribution to the deposit and the mortgage payments. That is that you own part of the house. You need to establish that first. I know you are concerned that it will go to your children - who else could it go to? He isn’t married and the children are his only descendants. If there is no will the house still goes to them.
At the moment he can sell the house out from under you and spend the money. You need legal advice on this asap. Can you afford to see a solicitor? If not contact CAB.
Why would stay with a man who is financially abusing you and doesn’t consider you enough to take very simple steps to make sure you have a place to live if he dies first? You need to be asking yourself serious questions.

Original poster

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:45

I'm not on the title deeds. I don't have any say on the house. I knew that. That's gone now, what I was asking is , and I've got my answer, where is the document to say my kids will inherit?

OP posts:

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:47

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:42

I'm going to ask him tomorrow where the will is. And ask to see a copy of it. It's not that I don't trust him but I don't trust he has actually been bothered to do it .

OP you shouldn’t trust him. He has not considered your best interests in any of this. He has left you extremely vulnerable despite you PAYING THE DEPOSIT and paying the mortgage. You need to get this very much in to your head, he is not on your side in this. This is not how a loving partner behaves.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:48

It’s not gone. You still can establish that you have a right to a share of the house. I know you don’t want to face this but that is so much more important than whether or not the children have anything to inherit in 30 years time.

CrotchetyQuaver · 08/02/2023 00:50

I'm sorry you're beginning to see the light. You need to see a solicitor on your own and find out what, if anything, you can do to ensure you have the right to stay in your home if he dies first.
And what the tax situation would be.
Getting married would be the magical piece of paper that would solve all of this just like that.
Unfortunately passing the house on to your joint children when he dies doesn't give you the automatic right to stay there. I can think of a couple of instances where the adult kids got the house and ££££ etc signed over to them (probably to avoid a big inheritance tax bill later) then the parents were out on the street (literally) with no assets and very little money. I met one of them when she stopped to ask me if I knew/could recommend a nice but quite cheap B&B as she couldn't afford to stay at the hotel any longer. Horrendous. The other lady I knew the daughter through dog walking, she'd always seemed very pleasant but clearly getting her hands on the money was her driving motivation and once she has it, all the niceness was turned off like a tap. So sad to watch.

Original poster

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:50

I know I need to be asking about my financial future. He has made it very clear it's his house, and I've been stupid. He has always been very savvy and I'm not. I thought we were okay . I didn't go on the mortgage initially as I was a student nurse with a baby. I had no way to contribute to the mortgage agreement until my Dad said he would pay the deposit. He's sadly passed now and I have no way to proove he did. It was our last house

OP posts:

CrotchetyQuaver · 08/02/2023 00:55

I didn't mention it in my post above because I couldn't remember what it was called. But you need to ask the solicitor about the possibility of you having a beneficial interest in the house. Your family paid the deposit and youve contributed financially? Don't talk to him about it until you've got a legal opinion.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 00:56

No one can advise you on this except a solicitor. Make an appointment with one. There is absolutely nothing to stop him giving you a life interest in the house so you can live there if he dies first. You need to ask him why he isn’t doing that when he knows you paid the deposit and contributed to the mortgage. Tell him that unless he does you are going to seek a beneficial interest in the house. I am telling you now, any solicitor drafting a will would have had to advise him about a life interest for you, whether he included it or not. There is no way he has drafted a will at all. If he hasn’t insist on one being drafted and insist on a life interest for you. Call his bluff

Original poster

PeacefulPottering · 08/02/2023 00:56

I'm more annoyed at myself as people are saying this is not how a loving partner behaves. I'm so angry at myself. How did I get to 52 and think this was okay? I've sleepwalked into this and I really hate myself. He has ALWAYS been in control of the financials, I have always worked and contributed but felt somehow we were equal.

OP posts:

samqueens · 08/02/2023 00:57

notangelinajolie · 08/02/2023 00:36

You can find out the legal owner of your house from the Land Registry.

This ^^

Go online to the land registry and look up the house and check whose name it is in. If it’s the Children’s names then that one down.

If it is NOT then go and see a solicitor before you speak to him so you have ALL the info you need. If the house is in his name and there’s no legal will then the government may be entitled to claim money from its sale and it may also attract inheritance tax depending on where you are. Even if not, it’s a massive knot to untangle.

With his work pension there must a form he filled in to make you the beneficiary. He may not like paperwork but his employer sure will. You might have to ask him for that paperwork. But see the solicitor first if you think he won’t play ball.

i think if you die without a will the government take a share of your assets so it’s best to get it checked out. Hopefully he’ll be too mean to let them have any of his money, even if he doesn’t seem to mind leaving you in the dark.

sorry OP 💐

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