Asking for a will

[PeacefulPottering]

I have been with DP 25 years. We have two adult children. We are not married.
We are both fifties. We bought our first family home with his salary and a cash sum from my Dad as a deposit. £15k . I didn't go on the mortgage as I was on mat leave ( we rented)
I have asked him if he will make a will. He says he has but has fudged the details. When I pressed the issue he said he has left the house ( paid for) to our kids and his work pension is going to me. That's brilliant. I am absolutely fine with that as I've left my work pension to him as well. The thing is every time I try to say, we need a physical will ie one I can call upon if the worst happens he won't do it. Or isn't interested in doing it. Does anyone else have their partners/ husband's will available? Am I being stressed about things?
I just know if he dropped down dead tomorrow I would have no idea how to access money, unwrangle financial shit.

From what? Like OP said she’s paid and contributed to the house and family. Why would a man need protecting from that?

This is absolutely correct.

OP you should be concerned that the house will be left to the kids. That’s not normal at all. It’s your house and you need somewhere to live.

It sounds to me like your partner has no will. Not getting married was a mistake.

Marriage protects the person with fewer assets/lower income (mostly women). In my household that means my DH is protected as I am the major asset holder/breadwinner.

@PeacefulPottering it sounds like he is relying on the rules of intestacy to do this. Getting legal advice is wise. You cannot make him make a will but you can find out what steps you can take to protect yourself.

I don't think your situation is uncommon so you are in good company!

The other thing to consider is this-
If you die first then you can't leave a share of the house to the dc.
He could marry- or just write a different will- and the Dc would get nothing.

If you are able to address this, it would be better.

Perhaps come at it from the perspective of estate planning. Maybe investigate ways of being tax efficient. He may feel less threatened by that.

Because he owns all of the house and she owns none of it despite contributing to it for years.

You can ask to see a copy of the Will he has supposedly written. However, unbeknownst to you, he can at any time change that first Will. So no guarantees either way.

It does seem strange to leave the house to the kids, you've no security whatsoever.

He doesn't come across as very nice

I don’t understand men like this. They’re apparently fine with leaving their life partner in a precarious situation.

If he’s concerned about the children ultimately then bring up the idea of a trust where the house is yours to live in until you die then it’s passed to the children.

I agree with others about seeing a solicitor.

You need to know what solicitor the will is held with at the least

Do you know what the inheritance tax situation would be?

Are you sure there is no way he would agree to get married?

Can you involve your sons? Might they be able to speak to him or get involved someway. My kids would if I were in a similar situation.

With no will it automatically goes to his children equally under his intestacy so he doesn’t need a Will to achieve what he wants. Op needs at least a right of occupation in his will. Ideally she needs to establish her own beneficial interest in the property ask the solicitor that. She could make a claim in his estate if he dies and does not provide for her but it’s not an easy route better to get in front of issue now.

There is a possibility that inheritance tax will need to be paid- that could mean that the children would have to sell the house to pay it- however much they might want you to be able to stay in your home. Please protect yourself.

That’s a good point! The tax situation is different if it goes to the children rather than a spouse.

This is wrong. If someone dies without a will the intestacy rules set out what happens to their house and other assets, and by and large that means the obvious people inherit - spouse/children, and if there aren't any, other close relatives. The government only gets the estate if no family can be traced. The only other share the government is entitled to is inheritance tax on a very large estate, and that applies whether there's a will or not.

Why don't you just get married at register office and that will resolve?

Maybe already covered , but , inheritance tax has to be paid if not to spouse. House may need to be sold to pay ? ( within 10 years I think ) a friend is doing a civil partnership with her DP after 30 plus years to make life easier when worst happens.

At gunpoint?

Has he had proper advice? The “aren’t I clever I’m not married men” shit themselves when they realise the huge wodge of iht their estate has to pay. Most get married asap.

This is not a team at all - how are you going to finance a home if he does young and the property goes to your children.

Surely it would make more sense to add you onto the deeds of the house so it becomes yours and then the children get it when you die. Everyone is protected then - why doesn't he have an interest in protecting you?

Needs to be quite a substantial estate for IHT to be payable. www.gov.uk/inheritance-tax

If your children inherit the house next week, what do they do when they want to own their own house? They'd either be penalised for buying a "second" house or they'd need to sell yours.

@Sarahcoggles

if he doesn't tell you where the will is, then you will just do what you like with the house, and no one can stop you!

How is that going to work?

OP is not named in the deeds, and she is not married so she has no right to anything. If he died and his will is as described, then the ownership would pass to the DC

It would be possible for him to make the arrangements described without a will. If the house is in his name then it would pass to the descendants. He could have given OP's name as the beneficiary of his pension.

OP I am very sorry that you find yourself in this very vulnerable position

Do please get yourself informed and get some legal advice, the sooner the better. All the very best.

This link is very clear that inheritance tax is due on any estate worth more than £325k, unless the estate passes to a spouse (which isn't this situation ).

The house is quite likely to be worth more than £325,000 depending on what/where it is.

If the DH dies and the house is worth £425,000, there will be an inheritance tax bill of £40,000 to pay within a relatively short period. I am guessing that could mean the kids may well need to sell the OP's home to pay the inheritance tax.

This isn't about "my kids wouldn't turf me out". This is about HMRC requiring the tax that is due and there likely being no other way to pay it. What then? Will the kids use the residual money from the house to buy another home for their mum? Maybe. It if they don't own a home themselves, they may well decide that mum can fend for herself and they'll buy a house for themselves and their own family ...

You need proper legal advice on this. 25 years together and you're not on the mortgage. You being in maternity leave at the time is no reason but to be in the mortgage.

For all you know, he hasn't left you a dime.