Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not a FWB, how would I term this?

113 replies

honeyandbutterontoast · 07/02/2023 19:03

About to dip my toes yet again in the murky pool of online dating. But I’m really looking for something very specific and not sure how I should term it or if I will even get any interest?

I do not want a relationship. No blending families, no long term commitment, no moving in together etc. All I want is someone to have an evening with once a month or so, dinner or cinema. Something nice but not extravagant. Or maybe an afternoon out (again not often), gallery, museum, coffee and cake. I don’t want continual texting or to hear the minutiae about someone’s day in daily phone calls.

Basically something exciting and fun to liven up my life, without any hassle. But not to just be someone’s booty call.

how would I phrase that in a dating profile?

OP posts:
Eastereggsboxedupready · 07/02/2023 19:04

Companion with extras?

FireandBrimstone · 07/02/2023 19:07

A (social) companion.

Or if sex is included in the mix I'd definitely call it a FWB instead.

pinkfondu · 07/02/2023 19:07

I use FWB and explain the F part is important and describe what that looks like to me.

journeyofinsanity · 07/02/2023 19:09

Just want to clarify before thinking what you might call it, you do want the gun and excitement. But with that fun and excitement surely there will be a natural wanting to see them more than once a month? I can't help thinking that if you find someone that you are happy to just perhaps go to see a movie with once a month and not see them until around a month later for perhaps a casual meal, then you won't feel any excitement. The excitement surely is there because they give you the temples and you can't wait to see them again.
If what you want is more a quiet companion to spend a few hours with very occasionally then surely that's just a 'friend'. One whom you might have sex with but might not but that's not going to be overly exciting as it sounds like you don't really want a whole lot from them sbd excitement bones from all that longing and building something

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 07/02/2023 19:10

Well, if no attraction, kissing, sex is involved… My old friend would call it “a companion” 😂

Otherwise is FWB

journeyofinsanity · 07/02/2023 19:10

Sorry for the typos. 'Fun' not gun. 'Trembles' not temples

SparkleBrows · 07/02/2023 19:10

Yes this is what I'd ike too. Not FWB, I don't think I'd be good at sex without catching feelings, I would want exclusivity, but not living in each other's pockets and certainly not an end game of living together.

Shoogly · 07/02/2023 19:11

Fuck buddy?

Cas112 · 07/02/2023 19:12

A friend? You want a friend Confused

Shoogly · 07/02/2023 19:12

Commitment free companionship?

PollyAmour · 07/02/2023 19:12

You want a companion to go out with but no sex?

Original poster
honeyandbutterontoast · 07/02/2023 19:14

No not a fuck buddy. That would imply that it’s sex based. Which is not really what I want.

And really I think once a month is fine, I don’t want someone to be part of my life. Just an added extra.

And sex, yes. But again in a make lots of effort kind of way!

OP posts:
SparkleBrows · 07/02/2023 19:14

Ah I assumed OP meant sex too, but not "just" sex? Otherwise agree it's just friendship

Original poster
honeyandbutterontoast · 07/02/2023 19:14

Sorry, I didn’t mean a friend. I meant shagging as well as dinner 😂

OP posts:
Anyfeckinusername · 07/02/2023 19:15

A boyfriend!

Undecidedandtorn · 07/02/2023 19:15

Are you also looking for sex out of this or not?

Shoogly · 07/02/2023 19:17

I think you are describing a friend with benefits. What do you not like about the term?

newposters · 07/02/2023 19:18

This sounds like you want a boyfriend who only contacts you once a month.

If MN threads are anything to judge by, there's plenty of them about 😂

SparkleBrows · 07/02/2023 19:18

Shoogly · 07/02/2023 19:17

I think you are describing a friend with benefits. What do you not like about the term?

Doesn't friend with benefits imply that if either of you got a better offer that would be OK? That's what I don't like about it. I want something not too serious, but I still want them to be faithful 😆

pinkfondu · 07/02/2023 19:19

Shoogly · 07/02/2023 19:11

Fuck buddy?

No that is booty call type

Original poster
honeyandbutterontoast · 07/02/2023 19:19

What I found when I was OLD before was that men were looking for someone to fit into the wife and part time mummy role. There was lots of talk of meeting the kids and things we could all do together etc. It seemed to be what a lot of men focused on 🤷‍♀️

I don’t want that. I don’t want anyone in my kids lives. I don’t want to have any extra responsibility.

OP posts:
pinkfondu · 07/02/2023 19:20

They are there Op just take a bit more looking

Upsidedownagain · 07/02/2023 19:21

I think you do mean an FWB but that term always seems to put the focus more on the sex than the friend side, so I see what you mean. Casual boyfriend?

I haven't dated for decades so maybe things would be different for me now, but whenever I tried casual dating, I either lihed them a lot and wanted to see them more often, or didn't like them enough to want to keep seeing them at all.

soboredtonight · 07/02/2023 19:22

I think it sounds perfect but I don't think it exists sadly

littlegreenheart · 07/02/2023 19:26

It falls into FWB, if you need a label.

I'd say the distinction between FB and FWB is that while both are "no commitment" and assume up front that the relationship will not progress into something "serious", a FB situation means that everything is in the service of sex. You might have a meal with your FB if you were spending the day in bed together (having sex) and got hungry, but you wouldn't go out to dinner together to enjoy that specific experience. It sounds like you want the sex AND the nice, companionable dinner - just not too often.

I also think FWB is tricky as a term because many people take it to mean a friendship that developed into something sexual but the sex aspect was always casual. In that case, the person would still be involved in other aspects of your life - a friend might know and certainly would know about your children, your exes, your parents (just for example). But if you're looking for a completely new relationship, meeting someone new who could become a FWB, there's no reason they should be involved in any of those aspects if you don't want them to be involved. I think your key is just being very clear up front about what you do and don't want.