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Original poster

Not a FWB, how would I term this?

113 replies

honeyandbutterontoast · 07/02/2023 19:03

About to dip my toes yet again in the murky pool of online dating. But I’m really looking for something very specific and not sure how I should term it or if I will even get any interest?

I do not want a relationship. No blending families, no long term commitment, no moving in together etc. All I want is someone to have an evening with once a month or so, dinner or cinema. Something nice but not extravagant. Or maybe an afternoon out (again not often), gallery, museum, coffee and cake. I don’t want continual texting or to hear the minutiae about someone’s day in daily phone calls.

Basically something exciting and fun to liven up my life, without any hassle. But not to just be someone’s booty call.

how would I phrase that in a dating profile?

OP posts:
namechangeforthisbleep · 07/02/2023 19:26

Just ask for a boyfriend as you'll probs only end up with a FWB anyway 😂

GoldDuster · 07/02/2023 19:32

Is there a reason you wouldn't want to call it a FWB?

ChatInMyFlat · 07/02/2023 19:38

If you want commitment it can't be a FWB situation.

glintwithpersperation · 07/02/2023 19:44

Situationship?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 07/02/2023 20:04

Sounds like a friend !

or you want sex too ?

blondieblonde · 07/02/2023 20:05

Casual dating

MamaNell · 07/02/2023 20:07

I've got one of these and it's great! Dinner, days out, the odd weekend away, lots of hot sex. Never met my kids or my mum never going to! We basically spend time together when my children are with their dad, and I'm free. Occasionally he'll come with me to a party/ smart event.
However I also don't know what to call it. GrinHe's not my boyfriend in the traditional sense, but we are not shagging anyone else. Seems like more than FWB which I always took to mean you were still essentially single.

PermanentTemporary · 07/02/2023 20:09

Why not go a bit ironic and say you're looking for a 'gentleman caller'? Put some sort of clue that sex is involved too, like 'a dash of passion too' or something.

Augend23 · 07/02/2023 20:11

I'd probably term it as "gentleman friend" with a raised eyebrow but I don't know if that translates into a dating profile!

littleburn · 07/02/2023 20:13

I would say you're looking for a FWB/casual or whatever the drop down options are on the site, but then include a description about what that actually means to you. The paragraph in your OP actually sets it out really well! May as well be upfront and specific about what you're looking for.

Original poster
honeyandbutterontoast · 07/02/2023 20:14

@MamaNell how did you find him???

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 07/02/2023 20:15

I get it op. Don't think it exists.

MamaNell · 07/02/2023 20:18

@honeyandbutterontoast I met him on Bumble. We worked in my area a few days a week, and then after Covid worked from home so was a long distance thing.

littleburn · 07/02/2023 20:40

I guess the other thing to consider in your dating profile is how exclusive do you want to be? You might get lucky and find someone who only wants/has the time to see you once a month and that's enough for them, but a lot of guys might still be seeing other people so you could get dropped.

Another option (bear with me!) is to try a site like fabswingers. I know, I know, I know! But no one on there is looking for a wife/mummy replacement and amongst the dick pics, sleazes and married men you do get some guys who are single, presentable and pleasant and looking for a FWB for much the same reasons you are - they don't have the time or inclination for a full on relationship. Just be clear in your profile about what you're looking for and be very discerning.

NoDatingForOldMen · 07/02/2023 20:49

I guess the other thing to consider in your dating profile is how exclusive do you want to be? You might get lucky and find someone who only wants/has the time to see you once a month and that's enough for them, but a lot of guys might still be seeing other people so you could get dropped.

Sounds like the sort of arrangement that lots of men might be looking for, but maybe not monthly, so being exclusive might not work well

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/02/2023 20:55

I'd love a set up like you describe OP. I did have one for a long time but ultimately we wanted different things and there lies the issue. You absolutely have to both want this arrangement or it just won't work. I found mine because he came to do some work at my house. It developed from there. I'm not sure where you'd start with OLD for this sort of thing.

Shamsterdam · 07/02/2023 21:08

I have this. We met on fb dating. He doesn't have time for a full on relationship at this point of his career, I am only free when my kids are with their dad. His end goal is marriage and kids (not with me) and I don't have an end goal except not marriage and children! Happy to date unintentionally and see who I meet, so we both know it's not a forever thing or ever going to be more serious. I put in my profile I was looking for 'fun casual dating'. It works for us for what we both want right now. It's more than FWB but not as dependent as a full on relationship or with any expectations, and I date others if I meet anyone else I want to spend time with. We agree we are only sleeping with each other, exchange texts every couple of days, enjoy activities and meals out together, but no long calls about our days etc. I know if I needed support with something he'd be there for me and vice versa, but I don't expect a certain amount of contact or dates so neither of us feel pressured.

TurtleTriplets · 07/02/2023 21:13

I think it's a lot to ask for exclusiveness when you only want to offer them once a month. It could work if the other person is really busy or something but most people would probably want more than that?

FellPuck · 07/02/2023 21:18

This sounds to me like "solo polyamory" but perhaps without the poly part (unless you would be open to multiple such arrangements).

I have also seen people describe it as "living apart, together" type arrangements or as "sexual friendships", because it's more than a booty call, as you say.

Best of luck finding this OP, it sounds excellent.

Matildahoney · 07/02/2023 21:18

I've had a few in the past, definitely fwb. You can meet them on most dating sites as that's what most the men are looking for anyway! Most successful ones were from tinder and fabswingers

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 07/02/2023 21:26

Single bloke in exactly the same situation here. This sounds exactly what I'm looking for! Came out of a long relationship a year ago, not looking for any long term commitment but miss that female companionship. What area are you in, OP? 😉

discobrain · 07/02/2023 21:35

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 07/02/2023 21:26

Single bloke in exactly the same situation here. This sounds exactly what I'm looking for! Came out of a long relationship a year ago, not looking for any long term commitment but miss that female companionship. What area are you in, OP? 😉

Ohhhhhboy.

blondieblonde · 07/02/2023 21:42

MamaNell · 07/02/2023 20:07

I've got one of these and it's great! Dinner, days out, the odd weekend away, lots of hot sex. Never met my kids or my mum never going to! We basically spend time together when my children are with their dad, and I'm free. Occasionally he'll come with me to a party/ smart event.
However I also don't know what to call it. GrinHe's not my boyfriend in the traditional sense, but we are not shagging anyone else. Seems like more than FWB which I always took to mean you were still essentially single.

Do you love him @MamaNell?

Dotcheck · 07/02/2023 21:45

Casual dating
( agree with pp)

category12 · 07/02/2023 21:51

Dating is what I'd call it.