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Original poster

Not a FWB, how would I term this?

113 replies

honeyandbutterontoast · 07/02/2023 19:03

About to dip my toes yet again in the murky pool of online dating. But I’m really looking for something very specific and not sure how I should term it or if I will even get any interest?

I do not want a relationship. No blending families, no long term commitment, no moving in together etc. All I want is someone to have an evening with once a month or so, dinner or cinema. Something nice but not extravagant. Or maybe an afternoon out (again not often), gallery, museum, coffee and cake. I don’t want continual texting or to hear the minutiae about someone’s day in daily phone calls.

Basically something exciting and fun to liven up my life, without any hassle. But not to just be someone’s booty call.

how would I phrase that in a dating profile?

OP posts:
Pansypotter123 · 07/02/2023 21:55

Part time lover?

JaggySplinter · 07/02/2023 22:06

You want a recreational boyfriend, not a partner.

That how I think of my current relationship. We see each other twice a month to date, have fun, sex etc. We do text every day, but no phone calls. No responsibility for each other, no merging our lives.

It's a bit souless at times, if that's the right word. And with no progression it feels a bit limited in terms of longevity. But we're enjoying it for now.

QueefQueen80s · 07/02/2023 22:30

This is me too.. but want the texting, connection, daily updates. Just not a proper relationship. Think women are seeing the light 😂

Honeyroar · 07/02/2023 22:33

Sounds like very casual, occasional dates.

Hawkins002 · 07/02/2023 23:15

Reading with intrigue

Johnisafckface · 08/02/2023 01:01

Sounds like a FWB or a companionship with sex.

heidbuttsupper · 08/02/2023 01:16

A situationship. I am in one. Its fab. Met during covid 2020. See each other a few times a week, eat out, weekends away, share news etc but know that it will never lead to moving in together, engagement. If this is what you want, you both need to be very clear about this from the beginning.

altmember · 08/02/2023 01:50

What you're describing is exactly what most people would consider a FWB arrangement. And it's a type of relationship, just one where neither of you has long term (or even medium term) aspirations. Like any kind of relationship, you tend to get out of it what you put in. So it's unrealistic to expect everything to be entirely on your terms - if you genuinely want the friend part then it's not unreasonable to expect a bit of communication in between your monthly 'date nights'. Otherwise, you're edging towards fuck buddy territory instead.

But there's no need to consider yourself someone's booty call, any more than you would consider them yours. Sex isn't something you give to a man, it's something you do together because you both want to, and there's no shame in being comfortable in that you want a primarily sexual relationship for your own desires.

FWB can be on an exclusive basis or not, that's something you should both be clear about from the outset. I do think that once a month is rather infrequent contact to sustain an exclusive fwb arrangement though. I think most people would want to meet up once a fortnight, perhaps even more regular than that.

journeyofinsanity · 08/02/2023 01:50

@Shamsterdam It's more than FWB but not as dependent as a full on relationship or with any expectations,
What you have is the definition of FWB. Someone who is a friend who you genuinely get on with but whom you are not in a full blown relationship. It's not going ti develop into more but you do have sex. That's a FWB

Shamsterdam · 08/02/2023 06:46

Nah @journeyofinsanity it's not FWB, I've had those before. This is not like that.

SparkleBrows · 08/02/2023 07:18

This is a low key relationship, not FWB. FWB is a friend who you sleep with while neither of you has anything else.

IncomingCall · 08/02/2023 08:50

heidbuttsupper · 08/02/2023 01:16

A situationship. I am in one. Its fab. Met during covid 2020. See each other a few times a week, eat out, weekends away, share news etc but know that it will never lead to moving in together, engagement. If this is what you want, you both need to be very clear about this from the beginning.

Isn't what you're doing just dating?

Daffodilis · 08/02/2023 09:04

Friendship and lover

Daffodilis · 08/02/2023 09:05

PermanentTemporary · 07/02/2023 20:09

Why not go a bit ironic and say you're looking for a 'gentleman caller'? Put some sort of clue that sex is involved too, like 'a dash of passion too' or something.

That sounds like someone's looking for business

AbsolutePixels · 08/02/2023 09:28

What you've described sounds ideal, OP. I'd call it a relationship without the boring bits.

I wouldn't advertise for a fwb. You'll get loads of men sending dick pics and demanding booty calls.

journeyofinsanity · 08/02/2023 09:57

Shamsterdam · 08/02/2023 06:46

Nah @journeyofinsanity it's not FWB, I've had those before. This is not like that.

So YOUR FWB wasn't like this but what is being described is indeed a fwb. There is not one exact rule as ti what a FWB situation is. There are different degrees of the 'friends' part and the 'benefits' part but a relationship with someone where you like each other enough to hang out once a month and have sex but nothing more is a fwb

AbsolutePixels · 08/02/2023 09:59

But is it a friend OP wants, or is she looking for some romance and passion, minus the dreary chats about work, kids, etc?

theoldcatsmells · 08/02/2023 10:07

You want to date. You want to go on dates. You're on an online dating site to find dates so that's that surely? Just say you want to date.

RestingMurderousFace · 08/02/2023 10:19

Escort?

TheLostGiraffe · 08/02/2023 10:35

Someone does need to invent a separate name for this: exclusive dating but low demand and both people on the same page that nobody wants to entangle their family lives/ homes/ finances at any point.

I think that's different from FWB because of the exclusivity and also because FWB is usually more of a temporary thing of convenience that neither party expects to last in the long term, whereas a low-demand relationship like you've described OP would suit many people very well as a permanent arrangement as long as the boundaries were respected and nobody tried to move the goalposts! A PP had it right, that what you're describing is a relationship without all of the drudgery. It sounds brilliant!

RudsyFarmer · 08/02/2023 10:37

A social companion with extras.

SparkleBrows · 08/02/2023 10:40

TheLostGiraffe · 08/02/2023 10:35

Someone does need to invent a separate name for this: exclusive dating but low demand and both people on the same page that nobody wants to entangle their family lives/ homes/ finances at any point.

I think that's different from FWB because of the exclusivity and also because FWB is usually more of a temporary thing of convenience that neither party expects to last in the long term, whereas a low-demand relationship like you've described OP would suit many people very well as a permanent arrangement as long as the boundaries were respected and nobody tried to move the goalposts! A PP had it right, that what you're describing is a relationship without all of the drudgery. It sounds brilliant!

I think lots of older people have this? Relationships that begin once raising children no longer features? You're most definitely a couple, exclusive, arrange holidays etc together as a couple, but don't see each other daily and have no desire to live together or merge finances.

I think once a month would be too in frequent for most, but an avergae of once or twice a week around other commitments should be OK?

Fireingrate · 08/02/2023 10:46

Just be aware you are quite likely to attract married/ partnered men, or a man who is not seeing you exclusively.

That may or may not bother you.

Fireingrate · 08/02/2023 10:48

RestingMurderousFace · 08/02/2023 10:19

Escort?

This is quite accurate!

I think the ‘Not wanting to text/ chat’ in between your one monthly meet up puts it in this category of ‘relationship’.

Sorry OP, you do seem to want the connection and friendship once a month, without the work to build that.

TheLostGiraffe · 08/02/2023 10:50

I think lots of older people have this? Relationships that begin once raising children no longer features? You're most definitely a couple, exclusive, arrange holidays etc together as a couple, but don't see each other daily and have no desire to live together or merge finances.

I think once a month would be too in frequent for most, but an avergae of once or twice a week around other commitments should be OK?

Maybe they do. I'm still in my 30s and raising children so for me once or twice per week would be waaaay too much. I don't have time and I'd find it stifling. Twice per month would be the absolute maximum.