Not a FWB, how would I term this?

[honeyandbutterontoast]

About to dip my toes yet again in the murky pool of online dating. But I’m really looking for something very specific and not sure how I should term it or if I will even get any interest?

I do not want a relationship. No blending families, no long term commitment, no moving in together etc. All I want is someone to have an evening with once a month or so, dinner or cinema. Something nice but not extravagant. Or maybe an afternoon out (again not often), gallery, museum, coffee and cake. I don’t want continual texting or to hear the minutiae about someone’s day in daily phone calls.

Basically something exciting and fun to liven up my life, without any hassle. But not to just be someone’s booty call.

how would I phrase that in a dating profile?

@ShandaLear that is it exactly 😂

A lot of men, most in fact, on many sites will tell you exactly what you want to hear to get some sex. In my vast experience they really don't care about the "friend" bit, why would they? They've got lives and actual friends. If you offer a possibility for sex, which is hard to come by for many men unless the top 10%, they will jump at the chance for some of it.

From a man's point of view. I would just write what you've wrote at the start of this thread in your profile.

Reading this for most men would be heaven 🤣🤣

Good luck x

I would honestly find it easier to be celibate than restricted to 1-2 shags a month on an exclusive basis. Once a week I could cope with, but 1-2 a month would be just enough to make me feel dissatisfied and frustrated.

I would never break the terms of this kind of "arrangement", but I would end it and move on after a little while - and you can bet that others would break the terms given the opportunity, or lie throughout about the exclusivity.

Tread carefully OP, what you want isn't unreasonable, but men do care about quantity as well as quality, and having a bit often just ignites our libidos.

100% this, I think you will plenty of men looking for this kind of relationship, but I think you will struggle to find someone who wants emotional commitment & exclusively but only once a month...

Yeah but he wouldn't go out in public with her.

Tread carefully OP, what you want isn't unreasonable, but men do care about quantity as well as quality, and having a bit often just ignites our libidos

You do realise this is true if women too? We have libidos as well which also get reignited in this way.

I don't think you go to galleries and museums with one of those.

Sure, but irrelevant to the original question. When the OP finds the arrangement / relationship she is seeking, she might find her sex drive increases - that's a different issue to the potential for her to be lied to or let down on exclusivity within the fairly infrequent in-person contact she wants up front.

I hope you find what you want. I think it IS possible to have such a relationship long term but, and you may not like this, they tend to exist between friends who were once long term partners but who are still able to be kind to each other . That can take a while after a breakup! In other words they share past history, grown-up kids, and memories, awful dating experiences etc but above all are happy just to be in each others' company; whether in a restaurant, on a long walk, or in a bed now and then, or just sitting in silence. My ex wife and I joke that while we may not be able to live with each other we can just about share the same county! It's taken us an awful long time to understand what we have...and I suppose it must seem odd to many but it is precious to us and we do know some very miserable and very married couples who are jealous. We changed from a warzone into a great friendship. Come to think of it, that friendship has actually lasted longer than our marriage. Now we're older it's more like "friends with biscuits " but we have our moments!

Yes absolutely. You can want an emotional connection with someone as well as sex without wanting the drain of being told the minutiae of their lives daily or being entangled financially or messing up your kids and home life by mixing that with your love life. Surely people have friends they feel close to that they don't see for a month at a time, or speak to in between? But still have emotional closeness to when they do see them? What OP is talking about (I think, because the only type of relationship I'd ever consider now is the same!) is having that plus it involves some flirting and sex as well as a nice dinner out to catch up with said friend.

I hope OP that you can find a man on the same page who isn't so needy they are pushing for more, or so pathetically useless that they sign up to the very clear boundaries and them break/ try to change them.

Do let us know what you said in your profile in the end and if it worked with weeding out the useless ones after a fuck buddy or who end up pushing for some awful kind of cohabiting situation etc!

Casual relationship?