Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Money Vanishing

105 replies

EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 12:32

Hey everyone, feel like I need an outside perspective on this matter.

So my partner and I was in a good place. Then I notice an envelope of money has gone missing. There were thousands inside as it was my savings towards a future big purchase.

I have never blamed anyone in this apart from myself (thinking I have misplaced it but have now looked everywhere). So although I haven't accused my partner or anyone else of that matter, he is of course defending himself and now understandably there is a wedge between us. He says it's not like we can ignore it and go back to normal.

Now I feel I have the mystery of the money and a possible relationship breakdown.

What does this sound like to you? What can you do in this situation?

Tia x

OP posts:
ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 12:46

I have an envelope with a substantial amount of money in and I'm not going to say how much. What I will say is it would never be misplaced. I know exactly where it is. The only other person who knows is my partner. There would only ever be two suspects. You just don't misplace thousands of pounds. Someone else knew where it was. Did he suddenly start splashing the cash before you noticed it missing?

ApolloandDaphne · 05/02/2023 12:47

Does he know where you kept the money? Does anyone else know this?

coodawoodashooda · 05/02/2023 12:48

ApolloandDaphne · 05/02/2023 12:47

Does he know where you kept the money? Does anyone else know this?

This.

3luckystars · 05/02/2023 12:49

Did you move it around regularly or was it always in the same spot?

it is just the two of you that has access to your home?

Original poster
EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:26

ApolloandDaphne · 05/02/2023 12:47

Does he know where you kept the money? Does anyone else know this?

He knew I kept money in a particular room, but not entirely sure where. I had recently moved it (same room though) after counting it, which is odd as before it was left untouched and now obviously it's missing. Perhaps it was stumbled across and was too much of an "opportunist" 🤷‍♀️.

OP posts:
Original poster
EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:30

3luckystars · 05/02/2023 12:49

Did you move it around regularly or was it always in the same spot?

it is just the two of you that has access to your home?

Funnily enough it was kept in the same spot and was safe, but I recently moved it.
I counted it, put it somewhere else. Then within two weeks I go back to it to discover that I can't find a whole envelope. So I know how much I had and how much is missing 🫤

OP posts:
litlealligator · 05/02/2023 13:32

Why on earth would you keep that much cash lying around the house? Asking for trouble not keeping it in a bank account or at least somewhere locked away!

chupachump · 05/02/2023 13:34

litlealligator · 05/02/2023 13:32

Why on earth would you keep that much cash lying around the house? Asking for trouble not keeping it in a bank account or at least somewhere locked away!

Helpful!

MrsMoastyToasty · 05/02/2023 13:35

Lesson learned. Don't keep large amounts of cash in the house. Your contents insurance probably won't cover the loss if you were burgled.

chupachump · 05/02/2023 13:36

@EllieBear20 has anyone else been in your home. Friends, family, trades? Does he have any dodgy friends? If there is absolutely no way you could have misplaced it and no-one else had opportunity then it has to be your partner doesn't it?

Original poster
EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:39

EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:30

Funnily enough it was kept in the same spot and was safe, but I recently moved it.
I counted it, put it somewhere else. Then within two weeks I go back to it to discover that I can't find a whole envelope. So I know how much I had and how much is missing 🫤

Show quote history

Forgot to add the only other person that has been in the house was my mum. But I almost rule her out though as I could have (and have had) money out and she wouldn't touch it.

Not saying my partner would either, which is why I am feeling completely baffled.

OP posts:
Original poster
EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:40

litlealligator · 05/02/2023 13:32

Why on earth would you keep that much cash lying around the house? Asking for trouble not keeping it in a bank account or at least somewhere locked away!

Yes trust me, I am beating myself up about this. Sure learning the hard way.

OP posts:
Original poster
EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:43

chupachump · 05/02/2023 13:36

@EllieBear20 has anyone else been in your home. Friends, family, trades? Does he have any dodgy friends? If there is absolutely no way you could have misplaced it and no-one else had opportunity then it has to be your partner doesn't it?

My mum being the only other person. No friends or tradesmen have been over in that time. Within two weeks I noticed how much was there and how much was missing. I'm not even blaming him, I keep thinking I've misplaced it. It's only when you've looked everywhere then you start thinking of other things. He said it himself he is the prime suspect which is why it's become so difficult for us.

OP posts:
ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 13:46

litlealligator · 05/02/2023 13:32

Why on earth would you keep that much cash lying around the house? Asking for trouble not keeping it in a bank account or at least somewhere locked away!

Because sometimes there's a reason you can't put it in a bank account.

LordEdgeware · 05/02/2023 13:47

He has taken it.

ChewOnALeaf · 05/02/2023 13:48

I think if I was the partner in this situation and I hadn't taken it, I would be offering to finger search the room in order to find the money rather than just saying I hadn't taken it. If I hadn't taken it then it has to be somewhere in the house, I would start with that room, literally going though like a police officer would. Has he offered to do that?

Original poster
EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:49

ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 12:46

I have an envelope with a substantial amount of money in and I'm not going to say how much. What I will say is it would never be misplaced. I know exactly where it is. The only other person who knows is my partner. There would only ever be two suspects. You just don't misplace thousands of pounds. Someone else knew where it was. Did he suddenly start splashing the cash before you noticed it missing?

Yes generally you would be quite careful when you know you have substantial amount of money lying around. He has known about it for a couple of years as he's seen me saving it up, so why now🥴 if he was going to take it, he could have at any point really.
Haven't noticed any splashing of the cash.. if anything the opposite. But if you did take someone's money, you would be silly to be too showy with it.

OP posts:
ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 13:49

EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:39

Forgot to add the only other person that has been in the house was my mum. But I almost rule her out though as I could have (and have had) money out and she wouldn't touch it.

Not saying my partner would either, which is why I am feeling completely baffled.

Show quote history

Devils advocate here but the reason you left money out before and your mum didn't take it is because she knew you'd know straight away......but if it was in an envelope tucked away you might not notice until a couple of weeks later....

category12 · 05/02/2023 13:50

So it's some of it, not all of it?

Does sound like someone you know taking a bit and hoping you wouldn't notice or that you'd think you'd miscounted, rather than anything else.

2bazookas · 05/02/2023 13:52

It sounds to me like blatant theft from a naive sucker who is still being gaslighted by he thief. Probably because he knows you've got more money and he's planning to suck you dry before he moves on to the next victim.

Original poster
EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:53

category12 · 05/02/2023 13:50

So it's some of it, not all of it?

Does sound like someone you know taking a bit and hoping you wouldn't notice or that you'd think you'd miscounted, rather than anything else.

Hmm yes it was in a few envelopes and it's one of the envelopes that has gone missing. Feels a bit odd that the entire envelope has gone rather than taking some money inside which would be less obvious.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 05/02/2023 13:55

If your house burned down you'd lose the lot.
What's wrong with the bank?

Casilero · 05/02/2023 13:55

It's interesting that you say the reason you don't suspect your mother is because you've left money out before and she hasn't taken it.

I know my mother would never ever steal from me, but for totally different reasons.

What's your mother's character like? What's your relationship like? And her financial situation?

Have you taken the room completely apart to try and find it? If it's 100% missing then it's one of them isn't it? How awful for you. So sorry x

hedgehoglurker · 05/02/2023 13:56

What do you mean when you say that your relationship was in a good place? Is there a history of broken trust?

category12 · 05/02/2023 13:57

EllieBear20 · 05/02/2023 13:53

Hmm yes it was in a few envelopes and it's one of the envelopes that has gone missing. Feels a bit odd that the entire envelope has gone rather than taking some money inside which would be less obvious.

Show quote history

Have you properly torn the room apart - zero chance of it falling down behind or being under something?