Money Vanishing

[EllieBear20]

Hey everyone, feel like I need an outside perspective on this matter.

So my partner and I was in a good place. Then I notice an envelope of money has gone missing. There were thousands inside as it was my savings towards a future big purchase.

I have never blamed anyone in this apart from myself (thinking I have misplaced it but have now looked everywhere). So although I haven't accused my partner or anyone else of that matter, he is of course defending himself and now understandably there is a wedge between us. He says it's not like we can ignore it and go back to normal.

Now I feel I have the mystery of the money and a possible relationship breakdown.

What does this sound like to you? What can you do in this situation?

Tia x

Since you've still got some of the envelopes I'd probably put them somewhere a lot safer before you loose them too. You won't be insured for the loss. I'm assuming there's a reason you don't want to use a bank? Can you get a safe deposit box?

He has offered and I have jumped to it.. but it has yet to happen. Then these last few days he has become super distant and hardly talked. I'm going to ask again though so hopefully we can try and be a team and search together during the week (not like I haven't thoroughly looked already, but it would be good to have him onto it too).

Why don't you use the bank ?

Yes I'm definitely trying to be extra careful with what I've still got. I was thinking of a safe but thought that it looks too obvious that you've got something worth locking up.
I'm open to ideas on how to look after the rest of it.

I can't think of any good reason not to put it in a bank? It can't go missing then. It can earn interest... ?

Were all the envelopes together and one has gone missing? Or were the envelopes hidden in different places around the room .

I would ask him to help you search the whole house just in case you have misplaced it. Even include places where it couldn’t possibly be - e.g take drawers out, look in cupboard under sink, coat pockets, literally everywhere, Not difficult when we get distracted to think we put something somewhere and then find it elsewhere! I would also ask your mum if she recalls seeing it. Hopefully this might persuade them, if it was one of them, to own up. If they don’t then report it as a theft and hopefully police will start interviewing both of them. Of course t depends how much you’re talking about. £50 no - £1k that’s a different matter.

I'm open to ideas on how to look after the rest of it

A radical idea...Deposit it in a bank??

Yes I'm 100% the same, I know my mum would never do that either. But then that makes it sound like my partner does.

I am close with my mum and we generally have a good relationship. She knows what has happened and my family are being supportive. They want to help, not steal.

Yes pulled the room apart, and still keep doing it (it's making me a bit crazy looking in the same place!🥴) It's one of those things that you wouldn't miss it. It shouldn't take this much looking 😬x

Neither myself nor my partner would ever in a million years consider the other as a possible culprit if our money went missing. It also wouldn't cross our minds that we might be a suspect if it was the other persons money.

The fact that you are even considering it might be him and that he has the petted lip on about being under suspicion suggests there are genuine trust issues, and probably for good reason. So yes, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he has nicked it.

If he weren't feeling guilty he'd be acting helpful, not distant.

How awful for you. I guess all you can do is literally take the entire house apart, room by room, and see if it was misplaced somehow. If not then I guess your relationship is over. Might be anyway if you can't trust him? I had this happen to us, years ago, when my daughters christening money was stolen - about 1k which I'd not got round to putting in her bank account. At least it wasn't family who stole though - it was my cleaner who I also considered a friend. I'd recommended her to another friend and she robbed him as well.

Have you moved into the house recently? Did you change the locks from the previous owners?

Obviously I don't know the OP's situation but sometimes people don't have an account, sometimes people are overdrawn or on very low balance so any money paid in gets taken up by repaying overdraft or goes on direct debits, debts etc.

Please put your remaining money in a bank account - leaving money in envelopes and moving them around is foolish.

I would keep looking for the envelope, I have often lost something, searched for it, searched again and again and found it 5th time lucky - also got my DC involved as they are shorter /smaller and see their surroundings from a different angle.

TBH it doesn't look great for your DP

Find this baffling, I'm with a previous poster, I would never suspect my partner, sounds like there's more to sort out than the money..

I had a friend who dipped into her then partners holiday savings. Started off with a £5 to get a taxi to work , then bits and bobs here and there until she had taken £1500.
She fessed up in the end , he was understandably furious and hurt, she moved in with me for a couple of months and was paying him back, completely mortified at her actions .
They managed to move past it.
If it's been dipped into rather than a large amount going missing at once it's more likely to be your partner.

My mother was scrupulously honest. You could have left a million dollars there and she wouldn't have dreamed of touching it. I sought the same quality in my husband. He is like my mother in that respect. Can you say the same about your partner? Is he scrupulously honest? If he found a dropped wallet, would he hand it in to the police? If he noticed he got too much change, would he give it back? If a parcel is misdelivered to him would he send it back? I have the feeling you won't be able to answer those questions with a "yes".

@palelavender they are really good examples of honest behaviour

You need a safe and drill it to the floor .
I have one and it’s drilled to the floor so you would need a crowbar to remove it

I keep passports, birth certificates, some jewelry and cash in there . And other important documents .

Im the only person who knows the code
although it would be possible to unlock it with a safe key which i have and is on my keyring .

however I am a total airhead and could lose myself on straight rd and I have “ misplaced “ 2k once and didn’t realize it until I actually needed it a few months later

I found at the back of a drawer I had put in on there in an envelope and it had slipped down the back into a bigger drawer
Good job I didn’t chuck it out 😂
So that’s the main reason I have one . I’ve Had it years now .

My DH has a safe as well and I don’t know his code either

honestly in my experience it’s easy to lose money and if I lost some of mine I wouldn’t even think for one minute it’s my DH more likely that

I’ve put it down somewhere and then moved it somewhere else - which is the reason I have a safe

My tips
Check the drawers of bedroom living room furniture physically
take them out of so that they are are on the floor as often envelopes can slip behind the back off the drawers and slide down the back where you can’t see them

The rest of the money put in a safe or if you don’t have a safe then a bank otherwise you will lose it again or someone will “steal “ it

Why haven't you answered the question about the bank?

Well surely the only culprits can be your mother or partner. Are you sure you didn't combine the money/envelopes? Have you recounted the amount of cash inside the envelopes? Does your mother ever go in your bedroom? Sadly I'm leaning towards your partner in this case. Is there a reason that may have come up he needed the cash and thought he could 'borrow' some money from you and return it without you knowing?

This sounds close dodgy somehow. Putting thousands in envelopes is asking for trouble. I suppose some people like to keep savings in cash. I ask St Anthony when I lose things and most of the time they reappear. Have read that when you lose something it’s generally very close to where you last had it. I would assume that maybe you moved it again as the envelope is missing as well.
Hope you find it.

Ignore close in the post above

Then these last few days he has become super distant and hardly talked.

Because he’s taken it. Wise up.

What sort of money are we talking about
1-5 k
5 -10k
10 -20k
i would say it’s probably your partner
if it’s a large amount I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends the relationship and walks of with your money and possibly try’s to take the rest

The rest of the money you want to put somewhere where he can’t find it
wrap in cellophane or freezer bags make a note on your phone or take a picture of where you have hid it 😂
when hiding it put it somewhere high or low out of eye level if you can

you can rent safety deposit boxes if it’s a large amount that would be your best bet

even if you don’t put it in safety deposit box I would tell your partner that’s what you have done

I wouldn’t let him see where you have hid it this time

you can buy lots of fake safes like books / wall plugs to hide money