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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't know what to make of this discovery

132 replies

ILoveaSunflower · 04/02/2023 22:10

A few months ago a package arrived for my husband which he opened in front of me as he said he couldn't remember ordering anything.
It was 8 packets of a drug called Doxycycline from an online pharmacy. He said he has forgotten about it but it was for a colleague at work who was going to a foreign country at risk of malaria infection and this drug prevents malaria. He said he forgot to change it to his work address which is why it came to our house.

I didn't think much more about it as I thought he would take them to work and give them to his colleague.

Today I was decluttering our bedroom and found the box of these drugs in his bedside cabinet underneath a pile of other stuff. There were two empty packets with missing pills.

I googled the use of this drug and it's an antibiotic used for malaria treatment, acne, rosacea but also for Chlamydia 😞

I honestly don't know what to do or think. We do not have holidays abroad as we can't afford them And certainly would not go anywhere malaria would be a problem. He doesn't go abroad for work himself.

He has a lot of skin complaints due to psoriasis but not acne or rosacea.

Why on earth would he take these pills? Is it Chlamydia?

I feel sick with the thought. We have been together 16 years and have two primary school age children.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 11:21

Why do posters always come on threads like this and say "ask him, talk to him" etc

Because it' the only thing that makes sense, @TicketBoo23

The point isn't 'ask him and he'll tell you and you'll believe him and everything will be fixed'

The point is, if you don't trust your partner's words, you need to be out of the relationship, whether they're guilty of anything or not. Other details about pills etc are irrelevant. This is not a story about pills, it's a story about dishonesty.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:44

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 11:21

Why do posters always come on threads like this and say "ask him, talk to him" etc

Because it' the only thing that makes sense, @TicketBoo23

The point isn't 'ask him and he'll tell you and you'll believe him and everything will be fixed'

The point is, if you don't trust your partner's words, you need to be out of the relationship, whether they're guilty of anything or not. Other details about pills etc are irrelevant. This is not a story about pills, it's a story about dishonesty.

"If you don't trust your partner's words".

If your partner is clearly lying - why would you trust their words?

You need to use your brain and powers of deduction and likely facts ...... It's not a cake of trusting or not trusting.

Trust cannot be blind.

You have to consider the evidence in front of you.

You have to look for further evidence.

What you've written doesn't make any sense.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:44

It's not a case of trusting or not trusting.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:46

Ops partner will come up with excuses for why he's lied.

They will probably have all the issues/holes that his original story had.

If op trusts that as the truth, she is not being sensible or self preserving or wise. It's not "trust or don't". Facts matter.

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 11:46

@TicketBoo23

If you know your partner is lying, what other evidence do you need, and what for? It's not a detective game. If your partner lies to you, you leave.

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 11:48

What you've written doesn't make any sense to me is what you mean, I think, @TicketBoo23

Just because you can't make sense of something, it doesn't mean it doesn't make sense generically, unless you are some kind of oracle?

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:48

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 11:46

@TicketBoo23

If you know your partner is lying, what other evidence do you need, and what for? It's not a detective game. If your partner lies to you, you leave.

Most people prefer to get the full picture of lying and the reasons for lying (eg infidelity) as far as possible before leaving decades long marriages with kids.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:50

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 11:48

What you've written doesn't make any sense to me is what you mean, I think, @TicketBoo23

Just because you can't make sense of something, it doesn't mean it doesn't make sense generically, unless you are some kind of oracle?

I know your name from other threads.

I takes a lot to recognise a username like that on here - with so many users and posts ...... I not be engaging with you.

Op, I strongly advise you to do as much detective work as you can. Sadly I think your H had been cheating, picked up clamydia and treated himself for it behind your back.

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 11:52

Most people with self respect leave when they realise they can't trust their partner, and recognise that the details are essentially just drama. People with lower self respect feel the need to back up their feelings with evidence and proof of more than simple betrayal, but there's no need for this.

'I'm leaving you because I've seen proof that you've lied to me' is plenty, unless you like to dramatise, in your own head, or outwardly.

You don't need to agree, @TicketBoo23 , and I don't need to agree with you. My posts are for OP, not for a bunfight with other MN users.

blueshoes · 05/02/2023 19:15

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 11:52

Most people with self respect leave when they realise they can't trust their partner, and recognise that the details are essentially just drama. People with lower self respect feel the need to back up their feelings with evidence and proof of more than simple betrayal, but there's no need for this.

'I'm leaving you because I've seen proof that you've lied to me' is plenty, unless you like to dramatise, in your own head, or outwardly.

You don't need to agree, @TicketBoo23 , and I don't need to agree with you. My posts are for OP, not for a bunfight with other MN users.

I don't agree with you Watchkeys. Your pronouncements as to how people with higher and lower self esteem behave are unsupported and almost laughable and could have been invented in a teenage rag.

PS you don't have to agree with me and of course you won't.

Watchkeys · 05/02/2023 19:22

@blueshoes

You'd know best, of course. I defer to your wisdom.

Anything to add that might be useful for OP, or did you just come to pointlessly state your judgement of my comment?

HerbalTeaAndCake · 05/02/2023 20:16

Oh op just ask him!

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 21:00

HerbalTeaAndCake · 05/02/2023 20:16

Oh op just ask him!

Another one who thinks cheaters with load to lose instantly come clean when confronted by spouses; never lie, never gas light.

There are two possibilities;

  1. He lied to op, his wife of 16 years, about trying out a medication to help his psoriasis (though it's not officially endorsed for psoriasis). Having paid for it & bought it online - instead of just asking his gp & getting it through reliable, subsidised, official channels.

Of course he'll say he didn't think the gp would prescribe it.
And that he didn't want to deal with ops worry/objections.

Nonetheless he doesn't appear to have taken enough of them to be using them for daily, ongoing attempt at psoriasis treatment, having had them for months.

  1. He got clamydia symptoms, he didn't want to go to gp or a gum clinic, he went through an online consultation and bought the first line , standard treatment for it, he thought hed get a hold of the parcel before op saw it.

He is a sex pest to op, and cheated early on in their relationship (at least that's all op knows about). He has had business trips alone. He probably has other opportunities in his working day etc.

He is never ever going to admit to 2.

Not this man who made up an elaborate tale about work colleagues and trips and Malaria and ordering them on their behalf and forgetting to change the address etc etc .... Just to get out of admitting they were for him in the first place

lifeinthehills · 05/02/2023 21:00

HerbalTeaAndCake · 05/02/2023 20:16

Oh op just ask him!

This.

Casilero · 05/02/2023 21:28

Rockschooldropout · 04/02/2023 23:23

Get yourself along to an sti clinic .
Doxycycline is a common antibiotic for sinus infections and chest infections through to stis. The usual dose though is two to start and one a day for a week , so if he’s used two boxes this is a concern .. I wonder if he’s using escorts … either way .. he’s lying .. also “berating you for sex “ 😒 he sounds delightful

He might have used 2 boxes because he's also been secretly dosing OP, who as others have pointed out would also be infected

Wavingnotdowning · 05/02/2023 21:42

Even Vera 😓

Just watching tonight's Vera. Obviously men should be allowed in womens' hostels. Daren't make a comment out loud as the teenagers have swallowed woke hook line and sinker.

Wavingnotdowning · 05/02/2023 21:43

Sorry - fuming and put in the wrong section!!!!

Rockschooldropout · 05/02/2023 21:47

Casilero · 05/02/2023 21:28

He might have used 2 boxes because he's also been secretly dosing OP, who as others have pointed out would also be infected

Show quote history

Yes I must admit I did think about that further along the thread which is also very worrying as like most meds Doxycycline is contraindicated with a lot of day to day meds so he could have put op at risk , not forgetting she could have been allergic to it !

lifeinthehills · 05/02/2023 21:49

Casilero · 05/02/2023 21:28

He might have used 2 boxes because he's also been secretly dosing OP, who as others have pointed out would also be infected

Show quote history

I know everyone is different but boy do I feel it if I take doxycycline. I'd know something was very off with me if someone was dosing me. Felt any side effects OP?

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 21:58

he went through an online consultation and bought the first line , standard treatment for it

I should clarify that he v likely went through the online consultation/questionnaire with the pretence they were for Anti Malaria, in order to get 40 pills. For various reasons... Eg he perhaps couldn't get them easily if he said they were for clamydia, he might've have been advised to go to a gum clinic for swabs etc. Or he wanted more pills than the standard supply for one patient for clamydia, or some other reason.

One thing's for sure, they were neither for him nor his colleague for malaria, and if they were for psoriasis, wouldn't he have taken all 40 by now "months later".

louise5754 · 05/02/2023 22:04

@TicketBoo23 Bloody hell how many posts!!
NO OFFENCE but I wasn't asking for your option of me and I can read.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 22:05

The extra could have been for an AP.

Or he could've gotte them as contingency for himself, if the infection was assumed to be from a sex worker, and he intended to continue using them, he may have thought he may as well get extra while going to the bother of online consultation, ordering and paying for them etc in case another infectioj of that or another std cropped up in future.

Or he could've just wanted to cover himself with an excuse in case op came across the transaction or the medication (as she actually did when it arrived) so tha it looked like it was bought for anti malarial use. If he lied easily to op when questioned about the delivery, he'd perhaps already thought up that excuse/cover and purposefully named AM as the purpose in the consultation and ordered the min. amount for a week AM use (40).

louise5754 · 05/02/2023 22:07

@TicketBoo23

My god there are even more....

When did I say "It's impossible/improbable to get STDs from sex workers because they use condoms"

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 22:07

Sorry, that was in response to Casilero.

(But yes, he could've gotten them for op).

JussathoB · 05/02/2023 22:44

I really think everyone should stop jumping to conclusions. I believe Doxycycline is often recommended now for various types of illnesses which are caused by inflammation. So it has antibiotic effects and also anti inflammatory effects. For anti inflammatory effects people often take it for months as long as it doesn’t cause them unpleasant side effects.
i don’t understand the link with chlamydia, there are plenty of other antibiotics which are used for chlamydia, not doxycycline specifically