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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know what to make of this discovery

132 replies

ILoveaSunflower · 04/02/2023 22:10

A few months ago a package arrived for my husband which he opened in front of me as he said he couldn't remember ordering anything.
It was 8 packets of a drug called Doxycycline from an online pharmacy. He said he has forgotten about it but it was for a colleague at work who was going to a foreign country at risk of malaria infection and this drug prevents malaria. He said he forgot to change it to his work address which is why it came to our house.

I didn't think much more about it as I thought he would take them to work and give them to his colleague.

Today I was decluttering our bedroom and found the box of these drugs in his bedside cabinet underneath a pile of other stuff. There were two empty packets with missing pills.

I googled the use of this drug and it's an antibiotic used for malaria treatment, acne, rosacea but also for Chlamydia 😞

I honestly don't know what to do or think. We do not have holidays abroad as we can't afford them And certainly would not go anywhere malaria would be a problem. He doesn't go abroad for work himself.

He has a lot of skin complaints due to psoriasis but not acne or rosacea.

Why on earth would he take these pills? Is it Chlamydia?

I feel sick with the thought. We have been together 16 years and have two primary school age children.

OP posts:
LikeTearsInRain · 05/02/2023 01:06

Could he be having an affair or seeing escorts for sex OP?

EKGEMS · 05/02/2023 01:10

TBF I took the same medication for a sinus infection back in November but yeah I'd be pressing for more info from him and investigating on the down low

StrandedStarfish · 05/02/2023 01:11

I am wondering whether an ex partner has contacted your husband to advise they have tested positive for an STD. Is it likely that he bought the medication so that his medical records do not contain any details of a test and treatment.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 01:14

15 years later ... Or do you mean an illicit partner op doesn't know about?

He could perhaps equally have developed some symptoms without op knowing if sex is relatively infrequent due to LS etc

plebclass · 05/02/2023 01:18

YourSpleenIsDamp · 05/02/2023 00:51

Doxycycline has a fair bit of anecdotal evidence for keeping psoriasis under control when used continuously. It tends not to be prescribed for it in the UK, but there's plenty of talk about it on eg Reddit. He might feel embarrassed about trying something a bit snake oil-y so made up the cover story. Maybe. Or he might be shagging somebody else and have chlamydia, I suppose. You know him best, OP. I hope it's something innocent Flowers

Good point as the husband has psoriasis... I've genuinely ordered some of these strange anecdotal treatments/ supplements recommended on Reddit and hidden the shady parcels from Eastern Europe from my own long term partner as I was embarrassed and didn't want them to question me/get freaked out!

I would definitely warn against naivety, and look for more evidence, but I also think this possibility shouldn't be entirely discounted.

Nat6999 · 05/02/2023 01:20

Check his Emails & trash bin, if he has gone through an online pharmacy there will be an email showing a transcript of his consultancy with the online Doctor which will show why he has been prescribed the tablets.

BadNomad · 05/02/2023 01:24

Finding out what they were prescribed for isn't really necessary. It will just show the reason he claimed he needed them. 40 capsules is likely to be a malaria prescription, but obviously that is not why he is taking them.

EpiBugLady · 05/02/2023 01:43

ILoveaSunflower · 04/02/2023 22:10

A few months ago a package arrived for my husband which he opened in front of me as he said he couldn't remember ordering anything.
It was 8 packets of a drug called Doxycycline from an online pharmacy. He said he has forgotten about it but it was for a colleague at work who was going to a foreign country at risk of malaria infection and this drug prevents malaria. He said he forgot to change it to his work address which is why it came to our house.

I didn't think much more about it as I thought he would take them to work and give them to his colleague.

Today I was decluttering our bedroom and found the box of these drugs in his bedside cabinet underneath a pile of other stuff. There were two empty packets with missing pills.

I googled the use of this drug and it's an antibiotic used for malaria treatment, acne, rosacea but also for Chlamydia 😞

I honestly don't know what to do or think. We do not have holidays abroad as we can't afford them And certainly would not go anywhere malaria would be a problem. He doesn't go abroad for work himself.

He has a lot of skin complaints due to psoriasis but not acne or rosacea.

Why on earth would he take these pills? Is it Chlamydia?

I feel sick with the thought. We have been together 16 years and have two primary school age children.

I am sorry to hear this OP.

I am a prescriber, and doxycycline is first-line treatment for chlamydia. I would be getting yourself to a clinic to get tested, even if you don't want to speak to DH about it just yet.

I'd also prescribe this for sinus infections and skin infections like rosacea, but you've mentioned this isn't likely.

I agree the malaria thing doesn't hold up too well.

Maybe just try and bring it up in a non-accusing sort of way...oh this box popped out your drawer and when I was putting it back I noticed it was the same medication as for your friend, how come you're taking it too?? - that sort of thing?

ThreeLocusts · 05/02/2023 01:47

Hi OP, what a weird situation... I just want to point out that an innocent explanation is not entirely impossible.

I used to take doxicycline to prevent malaria 20 years ago, but when I recently went to the same region again,was told that it is no longer prescribed for this purpose - too much resistance or something.

I was disappointed as it was the least side effect- heavy antimalarial I'd used. If someone had offered to get me some online, I might have said yes.

Of course there's a lot left to explain - why didn't colleague buy herself, why so many more packages than needed?

I'd go get tested for chlamydia but also ask him about it with an open mind.

SunshineAndFizz · 05/02/2023 02:05

Nat6999 · 05/02/2023 01:20

Check his Emails & trash bin, if he has gone through an online pharmacy there will be an email showing a transcript of his consultancy with the online Doctor which will show why he has been prescribed the tablets.

Ooh yes - do this!

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 02:19

If someone had offered to get me some online, I might have said yes.

Why would anyone offer to get another person medication online that they can get themselves and have delivered to them directly? And if they decided to use it, they may well want it again, so of course they'd set up their own account and get it; not bother another person repeatedly.

Also why would the medication not apparently leave the home of the "proxy medication getter" and pills be missing from the packets?

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 02:22

but when I recently went to the same region again,was told that it is no longer prescribed for this purpose - too much resistance or something.

That seems unlikely to be isolated to only one region, so your experience actually points to it being unlikely it would be the antimalarial of choice of someone about to travel.

Anyway; since the meds apparently never got given to the work colleague we know the anti malarials story is BS anyway.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 02:25

The AM story seems to be nonsense anyway but further in that front; it's a short trip by the sounds of it, not living in a region with malaria for months ... It's a week or two and a month of taking them afterward. How many people would tolerate dime side effects for 5/6 weeks rather than risk getting Malaria by using a medication that there's resistance to. Very few.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 02:27

(Sorry, I meant. . the majority of people would probably tolerate the side effects for 5/6 weeks to get a truly effective AM rather than take a risk with a potentially ineffective AM).

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 02:34

I think your h will go for one of two or so tacks if confronted with current evidence op;

  1. Yes I lied about them being for a colleague. An trying them for psoriasis. Didn't want you to worry etc.
  1. I didn't lie, got them for colleague - colleague got own or decided to go for another AM, I was left with them, I found out they might work for psoriasis, decided to try them, didn't mention it cause didn't want you to worry etc.

Neither of these are likely to be the truth imho.

I think you need to delve and keonyour powder dry. Very difficult but ...

JimnJoyce · 05/02/2023 02:39

its also used to treat acne

Sereni5 · 05/02/2023 06:24

EVHead · 04/02/2023 22:33

He constantly berates me for more sex.

Hmm

gross.

JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 05/02/2023 08:16

Creatingusernamesismygame · 05/02/2023 00:24

Not read the whole thread. But wanted to say that my GP prescribed me doxycycline for a sinus infection.
I get frequent sinus infections and usually get amoxicillin, but twice I was given doxycycline.
you mentioned he had a cold recently? My sinus infections follows mild colds, so could just be that.

But why the elaborate lie about his work colleague?

Ladyofthelake53 · 05/02/2023 08:41

Why is he hiding it if he is possibly using it for skin problems, doesnt add up. Id confront him

Theos · 05/02/2023 08:43

The ordered for a mate thing is as old as time

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 10:57

Theos · 05/02/2023 08:43

The ordered for a mate thing is as old as time

Yeah it's classic BS.

And it appears they've never left his keeping in the months since he received them. Is he going to try to claim he gave them to the work colleague and they only used some and gave them back? That wouldn't happen; you'd pay the person for them, thank them for the favour, and keep them yourself, used or unused.

(Not that a presumably adult person having another person, a work colleague, sign up to an online pharmacy/medical site, go through the questionnaires and any consultation (pretending to be you, presumably - because I doubt such services would prescribe to one person on behalf of another) , who also forgets to change the delivery address (having pretended to be another person for the duration) etc etc is a terribly credible story).

They'd just sign up themselves and go through it and have them delivered to themself.
Note that it's also weird they'd do it online
and pay full whack when presumably they could get them through a gp nd pay less, and they'd be absolutely certain they're from a legitimate source. Also they'd probably not chose an AM that's not as effective as others. They'd probably stick any side effects from the more effective/reliable AMs for the week or two trip and the few weeks after.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:04

The medication was not for a work colleague.

It was for op's husband.

If it was for a sinus infection there is no reason he would have lied. And he's have been much more likely to get them through a gp.

If they were for psoriasis, again, doubtful he's feel the need to lie to his longterm partner/spouse. And again, he might have gone through a gp. You'd imagine unless it's extremely expensive, they might be willing to let a patient try them for a period if they suffers from a debilitating skin condition.

A prescriber has said they are first line option for clamydia.
That use fits with the unnecessary lying and the getting them online.

It also apparently fits with the number of pills taken - because surely if he was taking them ongoing ifor psoriasis in the months since he received them, he'd have used more by now.

It also seems to fit with his sexual behaviour.

Op is going to get every lie under the sun if she confronts him now.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 11:11

Watchkeys · 04/02/2023 22:25

Ask him. If you don't trust his answer, the problem in your relationship isn't unexplained pills.

Why do posters always come on threads like this and say "ask him, talk to him" etc.b

Like cheaters don't lie and gas light their partners into insanity in the majority of cases.

The only ones who don't are the ones who are exit affairing and are ready to leave. And some of them will still lie and gaslight for years so as not to own up to what they've done or be seen as the bad guy.

ElizaDoolittle77 · 05/02/2023 11:13

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 10:57

Yeah it's classic BS.

And it appears they've never left his keeping in the months since he received them. Is he going to try to claim he gave them to the work colleague and they only used some and gave them back? That wouldn't happen; you'd pay the person for them, thank them for the favour, and keep them yourself, used or unused.

(Not that a presumably adult person having another person, a work colleague, sign up to an online pharmacy/medical site, go through the questionnaires and any consultation (pretending to be you, presumably - because I doubt such services would prescribe to one person on behalf of another) , who also forgets to change the delivery address (having pretended to be another person for the duration) etc etc is a terribly credible story).

They'd just sign up themselves and go through it and have them delivered to themself.
Note that it's also weird they'd do it online
and pay full whack when presumably they could get them through a gp nd pay less, and they'd be absolutely certain they're from a legitimate source. Also they'd probably not chose an AM that's not as effective as others. They'd probably stick any side effects from the more effective/reliable AMs for the week or two trip and the few weeks after.

Exactly this. I’m really sorry but what pp wrote makes a lot of sense x

Maray1967 · 05/02/2023 11:21

I had rosacea for years and I see that
a pp has mentioned prescribing this drug for that condition but I was always prescribed tetracycline and - more to the point - had to take it for months at a time so I would hardly have only had a few tablets. This story about getting them for a friend sounds unconvincing.

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