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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't know what to make of this discovery

132 replies

ILoveaSunflower · 04/02/2023 22:10

A few months ago a package arrived for my husband which he opened in front of me as he said he couldn't remember ordering anything.
It was 8 packets of a drug called Doxycycline from an online pharmacy. He said he has forgotten about it but it was for a colleague at work who was going to a foreign country at risk of malaria infection and this drug prevents malaria. He said he forgot to change it to his work address which is why it came to our house.

I didn't think much more about it as I thought he would take them to work and give them to his colleague.

Today I was decluttering our bedroom and found the box of these drugs in his bedside cabinet underneath a pile of other stuff. There were two empty packets with missing pills.

I googled the use of this drug and it's an antibiotic used for malaria treatment, acne, rosacea but also for Chlamydia 😞

I honestly don't know what to do or think. We do not have holidays abroad as we can't afford them And certainly would not go anywhere malaria would be a problem. He doesn't go abroad for work himself.

He has a lot of skin complaints due to psoriasis but not acne or rosacea.

Why on earth would he take these pills? Is it Chlamydia?

I feel sick with the thought. We have been together 16 years and have two primary school age children.

OP posts:
TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 00:09

Why lie to your spouse and partner of 16 years though?

Who's well aware of your skin issues.

I think the sex pestering is significant. Reflects his character/priorities.

Emmamoo89 · 05/02/2023 00:11

Sounds like you deserve better x

Original poster
ILoveaSunflower · 05/02/2023 00:13

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 00:02

Not you, op ... Louise.

Her points were very naive.

Show quote history

Ok thanks for clarifying

OP posts:
TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 00:17

ILoveaSunflower · 04/02/2023 23:46

I honestly can't confront him yet I can't face having the conversation. I know that's cowardly.
It kind of helps to know a bit more about what the drug is used for so thank you to those with pharmacy knowledge.

I think what you're going to get here is "yes, they're for me, for my skin, I lied because I was embarrassed" (or some similar word).....
or 'i wanted to try them without you worrying about side effects" or similar.

Whether that would be the truth .....

You've said they don't appear to be for his particular skin complaints.

And is imagine you know each other very well warts and all, and he'd not really have any resin to lie, regardless of what he claims.

I would research absolutely anything you can about his activities before confronting and putting him in hide and cover evidence mode.

coffeewithmilk · 05/02/2023 00:17

So sorry OP, I have to agree with what the majority have said.
First things first I would be getting yourself straight to a clinic to get tested for not just chlamydia but every STD under the sun - the results usually take 2 weeks.
Until then, play it cool, keep aware of anything suspicious but don't let on you know anything just yet.. take pictures for evidence incase he disposes of the packaging.
Plan your move and then put it to him straight what you've found and don't let him get away with it.

Generally I think Malarone is the medication mostly prescribed for malaria prophylaxis as it is more effective than doxy.. also doxy can cause horrific sunburn and redness of the skin if you're exposed to sunlight while taking it

Good luck OP, not as easy thing to be faced with x

Goldpaw · 05/02/2023 00:18

ILoveaSunflower · 05/02/2023 00:01

Not naive, thank you. Just was willing and hoping to be able to trust my partner of 16 years.

A partner who pesters you for sex isn't a decent partner.

Creatingusernamesismygame · 05/02/2023 00:24

ILoveaSunflower · 04/02/2023 22:10

A few months ago a package arrived for my husband which he opened in front of me as he said he couldn't remember ordering anything.
It was 8 packets of a drug called Doxycycline from an online pharmacy. He said he has forgotten about it but it was for a colleague at work who was going to a foreign country at risk of malaria infection and this drug prevents malaria. He said he forgot to change it to his work address which is why it came to our house.

I didn't think much more about it as I thought he would take them to work and give them to his colleague.

Today I was decluttering our bedroom and found the box of these drugs in his bedside cabinet underneath a pile of other stuff. There were two empty packets with missing pills.

I googled the use of this drug and it's an antibiotic used for malaria treatment, acne, rosacea but also for Chlamydia 😞

I honestly don't know what to do or think. We do not have holidays abroad as we can't afford them And certainly would not go anywhere malaria would be a problem. He doesn't go abroad for work himself.

He has a lot of skin complaints due to psoriasis but not acne or rosacea.

Why on earth would he take these pills? Is it Chlamydia?

I feel sick with the thought. We have been together 16 years and have two primary school age children.

Not read the whole thread. But wanted to say that my GP prescribed me doxycycline for a sinus infection.
I get frequent sinus infections and usually get amoxicillin, but twice I was given doxycycline.
you mentioned he had a cold recently? My sinus infections follows mild colds, so could just be that.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 00:26

Just was willing and hoping to be able to trust my partner of 16 years.

Well you know he's lied to you - cause the meds never got given to his work colleague. And he's been taking them.

The reasoning behind ordering them on his work colleague's behalf was also very questionable.

And, I would imagine, you know he has no good reasons for lying to you, his intimate life partner of decades, about trying a new med for his skin. (And you said they don't seem to be for his particular skin conditions anyway).

So you know he's lied to you

And you know he was unfaithful a number of times (that you know of) on your early relationship.

And you know sex is apparently very important to him and that he hassles you for it. And that perhaps he feels he doesn't get enough due to LS etc.

Those are what is standing out to me, I'm afraid.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 00:27

Creatingusernamesismygame · 05/02/2023 00:24

Not read the whole thread. But wanted to say that my GP prescribed me doxycycline for a sinus infection.
I get frequent sinus infections and usually get amoxicillin, but twice I was given doxycycline.
you mentioned he had a cold recently? My sinus infections follows mild colds, so could just be that.

Show quote history

But why wouldn't he just say that!!

Why would he make up a story about getting them as anti malarials for a work colleague.

CalmBeforeStorm01 · 05/02/2023 00:31

There are some rubbish comments on here that shouldn't distract you from what to do next. Get tested yourself (I hope you're ok) then present him with the pills and ask why he's hiding them from you.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 00:33

What would prevent someone saying the words "I went through an online consultation with a GP because I can't get an appointment at the local practice easily and they think I have a sinus infection off the back of that cold, and have prescribed me an antibiotic for it".

What would be so difficult about saying that to your partner of nearly 20 years?

I don't understand some of the responses on this thread.

It reminds me of the mad shit some posters come out with when an ops partner has been caught in incredibly incriminating circumstances and they'll be there saying "maybe the condoms are for a posh wank, maybe the knickers fell out of your son's gf's bag into his car which she's never been in" etc etc. I don't understand what they get out of posting excuses that don't make sense.

Wetblanket78 · 05/02/2023 00:33

Definitely suspicious I watched something on TV. About the danger's of these online pharmacies. Giving out medication without a script it said they were clamping down in them.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 00:35

CalmBeforeStorm01 · 05/02/2023 00:31

There are some rubbish comments on here that shouldn't distract you from what to do next. Get tested yourself (I hope you're ok) then present him with the pills and ask why he's hiding them from you.

Whereupon he'll bullshit about why he's taking them and didnt want to tell her, and cover his tracks in every direction if he's been up to no good.

Search everywhere first, before confrontation.

Nagado · 05/02/2023 00:43

Creatingusernamesismygame · 05/02/2023 00:24

Not read the whole thread. But wanted to say that my GP prescribed me doxycycline for a sinus infection.
I get frequent sinus infections and usually get amoxicillin, but twice I was given doxycycline.
you mentioned he had a cold recently? My sinus infections follows mild colds, so could just be that.

Show quote history

And did you get your doxycycline through the chemist, via a £10 prescription? Or did you go and buy eight boxes of the stuff from Amazon?

crazycatladyof6 · 05/02/2023 00:46

If he purchased them online there will
Be an email trail. Look
on the box and it will tell you the issuing Pharmacy then search emails for that Pharnacy name. He would have set up and account and would have had to have had a consultation (probably online) to have been able to get the drugs. You should be able to log into the account using the email address and maybe guessing the password/resetting the password and will then be able to view the consultation and what the drugs were prescribed for

SouperNoodle · 05/02/2023 00:49

It's the lying that is the most concerning thing. I'd do a bit of digging before confronting him as that would just give him a chance to cover his tracks.

BadNomad · 05/02/2023 00:50

There is nothing to say he bought these pills illegally. You can get Doxy (up to 394 capsules) on prescription for malaria from Superdrug. They can also prescribe 14 days worth for chlamydia. 40 capsules would cover a 10-day trip.

YourSpleenIsDamp · 05/02/2023 00:51

Doxycycline has a fair bit of anecdotal evidence for keeping psoriasis under control when used continuously. It tends not to be prescribed for it in the UK, but there's plenty of talk about it on eg Reddit. He might feel embarrassed about trying something a bit snake oil-y so made up the cover story. Maybe. Or he might be shagging somebody else and have chlamydia, I suppose. You know him best, OP. I hope it's something innocent Flowers

crazycatladyof6 · 05/02/2023 00:51

crazeecatladee · 04/02/2023 23:32

I picked up on the LS issue. From a fellow sufferer (of over 30yrs) I can empathise. No intimacy for years due to soreness, splitting of skin and never ending itching.

Hello LS sufferer too so I sympathise but I’ve not long had a fantastic private treatment that’s worked wonders! Pm me if you want the details. Mine is so much better now which I didn’t think would ever be possible

blueshoes · 05/02/2023 00:54

Doxycycline is also used to treat Lyme Disease.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 00:58

*A few months ago a package arrived for my husband .....

Today I was decluttering our bedroom and found the box of these drugs in his bedside cabinet underneath a pile of other stuff. There were two empty packets with missing pills.*

If he was taking them to treat a skin condition/s, wouldn't he have taken more than two packets months later (?)

Unless he for some weird reason only started taking them for it recently. But why hold off if he was eager enough to go through an online pharmacy, pay for them etc.?

Beaglesonlyplease · 05/02/2023 01:01

Ah come on. Like this guy is hiding Lyme disease??

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 01:02

*If he was taking them to treat a skin condition/s, wouldn't he have taken more than two packets months later (?)

Sorry, I'm not even sure if it's two packets taken or (sounds more likely) two packets from which done pills have been taken.

How many pills/days would that amount to? Sounds like not many given he's had them and presumably could have been taking them continuously (if for a skin condition) for months.

TicketBoo23 · 05/02/2023 01:04

Beaglesonlyplease · 05/02/2023 01:01

Ah come on. Like this guy is hiding Lyme disease??

Well, he has been hiding a sinus infection from his partner of 16 yrs ... And he'd apparently hide things he really didn't want discovered better... He's also potentially immune to STDs from a sex worker cause of condoms, and his theoretical AP would never not use condoms because they'd be scared of risking discovery through pregnancy. (Apparently non condom contraception and terminations don't exist).

Tamarindtree · 05/02/2023 01:05

He has lied. Why would a work colleague not order their own stuff?!