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Original poster

Am I being ridiculous - a little perspective please, wise women

119 replies

RunningInTheFamily · 01/02/2023 20:09

I've been seeing a guy for a very short while, started messaging before Christmas and met up shortly after. We've had 4 dates.
During this time, I've heard all about the celebrity women he fancies. Quite a lot. Not really relevant to bring up really I don't think, but I'm happy to be told I'm being silly.

One instance we were messaging about our evening and he said he was watching a film with a particular actress in it and said "oh shit, it looks like I've got a thing for X again!" Which I thought was odd. Another he's spoken about several times. Last night was a pretty big gush about this woman. So I said "yes, I get you like her, you've told me before" he then went on (as if trying to persuade me to agree almost) to talk about how much of an amazing actress she is, how he really respects her work/music and generally how amazing she is.

We sort of had words about it, because while I completely understand everyone finds other people attractive, it's not really something I'd like to hear this often after such a short time! It made me feel a bit shit.

He does compliment me, but this talking about female celebs has just got to me. I don't have the best opinion of myself physically and he knows this.

Am I being an idiot? Please be honest .

OP posts:
magicstones · 01/02/2023 20:11

If it annoys you, which it does, then it's not ok. It would annoy / upset me to be honest. If you've mentioned it to him, and he carries on... that's not cool!

Newusernameaug · 01/02/2023 20:13

No it’s not ok, I wouldn’t date someone who did this either

WatieKatie · 01/02/2023 20:14

He’s either incredibly immature or trying to make you jealous.

I wouldn’t stick around OP.

Itiswhatitis21 · 01/02/2023 20:17

Sounds to me like he's trying to make you jealous or see what reaction it gets. He's pathetic, I would call it quits now before you start feeling replused by him

Anniegetyourgun · 01/02/2023 20:17

No, I think he's being insensitive. Mentioning he finds someone attractive one time shouldn't upset you I think, it's natural enough, but it sounds as though he does go on about it rather. I wonder how he'd like it if you commented favourably on some male celeb.

Or maybe it's deliberate. For example he may want to make you feel insecure so you try harder to be the woman who pleases him above all those celebs (impossible even if you were one of those celebs yourself!) - sort of indirect negging, if you will.

Anyway, it's quite rude.

AnnieFarmer · 01/02/2023 20:19

It just sounds immature and that would put me off.

Original poster
RunningInTheFamily · 01/02/2023 20:21

Oh crap. I think I was hoping I WAS being silly.

We even had to watch a film with this actress in it! So obviously I sat the whole time thinking he's lusting over her. On a third date that was a bit tough 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
RunningInTheFamily · 01/02/2023 20:28

Sorry - there was something else!

This actress is younger than us, by about 15 years, I said I tend not to find men a lot younger than me attractive and I certainly wouldn't date one.
He didn't like this. Then went off talking about its ok to find young people attractive and used Billie Eilish as an example (so there's another one, ha!)
"She's young but I can see she's very attractive" etc etc.
And I just thought, what? She's like 21! I couldn't imagine fancying a 21 year old, it's only just out of teenage years! (no offence to 21 year olds at all - I'm just considerably older)

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 01/02/2023 20:32

@RunningInTheFamily you have your head in the clouds if you don't think all men find 21 year olds attractive. They are genetically programmed to do so.

They may not want to date them, but if she's 21 and good looking, he will notice.

The issue here is that you don't like hearing it, which is fine. If you tell him this and he continues, then it is a bit disrespectful in my mind.

Suprima · 01/02/2023 20:33

this man sounds utterly cringe

why on earth did you want to see him after the first time he started this nonsense?

I wouldn’t want to spend with anyone so socially inept that they bang on about celebrity crushes

i would be embarrassed to be out with him and have anyone hearing this utter dross

Throw him back

LampHat · 01/02/2023 20:38

It’s a bit like negging isn’t it? I think he’s putting you in your place. He knows what he’s doing. I’d be outta there OP 🙁

Original poster
RunningInTheFamily · 01/02/2023 20:39

@Suprima I guess because I was flattered he liked me and we got on really well. Last night excepted...
And probably because I thought it was my insecurity talking and I needed to give myself a shake

OP posts:
iceberrywhite · 01/02/2023 20:39

No, it makes you feel uncomfortable and he is being insensitive. I just threw one back who consistently talked about his exes then had the nerve to say I was insecure! he said he needed to work on himself and why he did it as his last girlfriend said the same.. he clearly couldn't help himself! next...

momtoboys · 01/02/2023 20:41

WatieKatie · 01/02/2023 20:14

He’s either incredibly immature or trying to make you jealous.

I wouldn’t stick around OP.

We don't have the age of the man involved but I am betting on immature. Even if he is older it is immature.

Original poster
RunningInTheFamily · 01/02/2023 20:42

I mean, we're both 41... I did think I'd travelled back in time 20 years during the conversation(s) tbh 🙄

OP posts:
skippymcflippy · 01/02/2023 20:42

Nah, if it makes you feel uncomfortable and a "bit shit" get rid of him. It will only get worse. It will end up not just celebrities but women in real life - he'll be pointing them out to make you feel insecure.
You do not need this in your life.

IsThePopeCatholic · 01/02/2023 20:45

He sounds like a bird brain. Awful.

SLS500 · 01/02/2023 20:51

What's wrong with him? Sounds incredibly immature and frankly dull.
Does he have nothing else to talk about? Would give me the ick

LuckyPeonies · 01/02/2023 20:56

This would give me the permanent ick and I would get rid. He is playing games, he likely realizes you are more attractive than he and so he is trying to make you feel insecure, and like he is “settling” and you should be grateful for his attentions.

discobrain · 01/02/2023 20:56

RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

A man in his forties gushing over a woman half his age in an obsessive manner?

That's hideous.

pastypirate · 01/02/2023 20:58

IsThePopeCatholic · 01/02/2023 20:45

He sounds like a bird brain. Awful.

This. Nothing more to say really.

TheShellBeach · 01/02/2023 21:13

Agree with everyone else.
The hills are beckoning.

Original poster
RunningInTheFamily · 01/02/2023 21:19

Oh bloody hell. I've put a lot of my time into this 😔
Which I have very little of to begin with.
I know not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but urgh.

OP posts:
Original poster
RunningInTheFamily · 01/02/2023 21:20

Thank you for all your replies.
I wish I was being silly. This is more disappointing!

OP posts:
Tilllly · 01/02/2023 21:26

RunningInTheFamily · 01/02/2023 21:20

Thank you for all your replies.
I wish I was being silly. This is more disappointing!

Nah... all it does is free you up to find someone mature enough to recognise how amazing you are