Am I being ridiculous - a little perspective please, wise women

[RunningInTheFamily]

I've been seeing a guy for a very short while, started messaging before Christmas and met up shortly after. We've had 4 dates.
During this time, I've heard all about the celebrity women he fancies. Quite a lot. Not really relevant to bring up really I don't think, but I'm happy to be told I'm being silly.

One instance we were messaging about our evening and he said he was watching a film with a particular actress in it and said "oh shit, it looks like I've got a thing for X again!" Which I thought was odd. Another he's spoken about several times. Last night was a pretty big gush about this woman. So I said "yes, I get you like her, you've told me before" he then went on (as if trying to persuade me to agree almost) to talk about how much of an amazing actress she is, how he really respects her work/music and generally how amazing she is.

We sort of had words about it, because while I completely understand everyone finds other people attractive, it's not really something I'd like to hear this often after such a short time! It made me feel a bit shit.

He does compliment me, but this talking about female celebs has just got to me. I don't have the best opinion of myself physically and he knows this.

Am I being an idiot? Please be honest .

He’s 41?! I’m cringing for you. Sorry OP, he sounds like a 15yr old boy.

I had a similar experience with a girl I went out with who was crazy about a well known actor, saying how reeeeeally good looking he was and wasn't he fabulous in such and such. I just smiled at first (thinking it was just a bit of - well, you know - daftness), but there was no smile in return. It got to the stage where she was slagging off his current wife/girlfriend ("she's not good enough for him").

It didn't make me feel inferior or worthless. But it did make me realise that I was with someone who didn't have a grip on reality. Basically, it's just fucking stupid. It didn't last.

Is he Paul Breach?

I don't care what a pp said, a 41 year old man going gaga over a woman half his age is vom when she's barely out of her teens.

51 and 31, different. Life experience, and the younger person looks like an adult not a child.

To be fair, it was only BE who was that young.
The other ones I know of are a few years older

I mean he wasn't gushing over her, but yes, I found out he thinks she's attractive 🙄

Oh absolutely not. This is unbelievably cringey and disrespectful. Don’t forget, this is him in dating mode. Imagine how he’ll be when he’s making less effort.

He's 41 .... don't waste anymore time on him. Surely a night in washing your hair would be preferable to wasting an evening with him .....

He wants to make you feel more and more insecure, and more and more grateful and flattered that he is prepared to go out with you at all. He wants to make you desperate to hang on to him.

That is not a nice trait. Throw him back.

Does he have other topics of conversation or are the fixations it? Certainly sounds very odd, as if the interest in remote figures is more real to him than the actual people in his life. It won’t improve unless he’s motivated to change and the idea of emotional sunk costs shouldn’t dissuade you from walking away if this is a deal breaker. You could point out to him that this is a serious issue and see what happens - his response will tell you how self aware he is.

An odd comment I wouldn’t mind. My boyfriend (2.5 months in so also early days) has told me a couple of times an access he fancies. In the kind of comment you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen but if x came along then… I just laugh and don’t take any offence - he’s allowed fantasies and he’s always telling me how much he fancies and desires me. But to go on about them a lot, I can see why you’re annoyed.

I'd say this is red flag for someone who may end up being emotionally abusive or controlling. His comments are designed to undermine your confidence .

I think I'd have to make a comment to him such as how it's doubtful she'd be looking out for someone twice her age. Then dump him.

What a creep.

Why are so many men so weird. Im 50 and I couldn't imagine telling someone how I have the hots for someone in their early 20s.

OP has said that the main woman in question is not 20 years younger: BE got mentioned in passing as being attractive, too.

I don't think he's trying to undermine OP. I just think he's a bit (ok a lot) sad, and completely lacking a grip on reality.

At best he is hugely lacking in brain cells and an idiot who doesn't realise that gushing repeatedly about how he finds other women attractive (who, let's be honest wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire) to his new gf is a very, very silly and rude thing to do and at worst is done intentionally and with the intent of trying to make you jealous and/or feel as insecure as he does.

If you have an ounce of self esteem you'll put this one back -it'll get worse, not better. They usually progress to commenting about women they know/women they pass in the street. Would make my fanny clamp up permanently.

I don't think that I would find the conversation disrespectful. I would find any prolonged conversation about celebrities to be immature and not at interesting or intellectually stimulating particularly from a 41 year old man.

I don't think that it is odd for a 41 year old man to find a 21 year old woman attractive. I think men and woman can find adults of any age attractive. Finding someone attractive does not in any way suggest that you are lusting after them.

Your guy may be quite attractive, but he doesn't sound very mature. To me that would be quite an unattractive quality in a partner.
Uk!
You don't need to justify finding something off putting or unattractive in a potential partner. It is enough to feel what you feel. You can end this relationship simply because of the way that you feeli.

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I had a similar experience when I was only twenty seven and dating a forty five year old.
I was a model at the time and in hindsight way out of his league but he constantly mentioned how much he fancied Katie Perry, Frankie Bridge and Cheryl Cole. Basically all short, dark attractive young women. I am blonde and 5'9.

He also told me that I was better off dating an older man as a younger man would leave as soon as my looks began to fade....

He was such a negging bastard.

I ended up leaving him for my now DH who is seven years my junior and treats me like a goddess.

Dump the fucker OP. He knows exactly what he is doing and he is a grade A twat.

Cringey, negging, creepy little man.

It’s pathetic and insulting. Dump him, he has zero fucking sense and no respect for women.

I would hate that.

Who is the actress?

It does sound like he is trying to make you jealous.

Can’t see the problem. I lust after Ben Fogle every time he’s on TV. My partner just laughs as do I! I’m not creepy or immature. Lighten up people

This situation would only be comparable if your husband was a new beau of 4 dates and you kept incessantly banging on about how hot you thought Ben fogle was

which would make you immature and a bit weird I’m afraid

a crush in joke between long term partners, whatever

but this ain’t that

But therein lies the difference. You laugh about it. This isn't a lighthearted matter to OPs date or to OP.

Mind you, I'm thinking someone who finds Billie Eilish attractive has a serious alcohol or eyesight problem. 😀

He sounds really creepy. I'd bin him 🚩

The ick is strong in this one

If you like him in general, I'd just tell him it's annoying. Nothing wrong with some proper communication between adults. My DH used to be like this and it really annoyed me, but that's how he and his previous gf were with each other. Once I told him it upset me he stopped immediately

He's irritating and childish.