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Original poster

Am I being ridiculous - a little perspective please, wise women

119 replies

RunningInTheFamily · 01/02/2023 20:09

I've been seeing a guy for a very short while, started messaging before Christmas and met up shortly after. We've had 4 dates.
During this time, I've heard all about the celebrity women he fancies. Quite a lot. Not really relevant to bring up really I don't think, but I'm happy to be told I'm being silly.

One instance we were messaging about our evening and he said he was watching a film with a particular actress in it and said "oh shit, it looks like I've got a thing for X again!" Which I thought was odd. Another he's spoken about several times. Last night was a pretty big gush about this woman. So I said "yes, I get you like her, you've told me before" he then went on (as if trying to persuade me to agree almost) to talk about how much of an amazing actress she is, how he really respects her work/music and generally how amazing she is.

We sort of had words about it, because while I completely understand everyone finds other people attractive, it's not really something I'd like to hear this often after such a short time! It made me feel a bit shit.

He does compliment me, but this talking about female celebs has just got to me. I don't have the best opinion of myself physically and he knows this.

Am I being an idiot? Please be honest .

OP posts:
Original poster
RunningInTheFamily · 02/02/2023 12:33

In the interests of a complete picture, there been some other things too 😬
He sends selfies pretty much every day. Our very first phone call, we talked about it (in a joking way) and I said I'm really not comfortable taking selfies, never have been. And certainly not sending them to people. The only photos I take of myself are with friends or my child.
We must have spent a good half an hour with him trying to pick apart my reasons, made me feel a bit silly. First phone call!

I'm currently being given the cold shoulder anyway I think. I got quite annoyed when we argued the other day and it upset me how I reacted. I definitely should have reigned myself in, so I wanted to clear the air by having a phone convo the next day. He said he'd talk, then about an hour before I said I'd ring, he texted "best to leave it for another time if that's ok"
So...

OP posts:
LadyOfTheCanyon · 02/02/2023 12:39

Christ, my fanny's clanged shut on your behalf, OP.

Original poster
RunningInTheFamily · 02/02/2023 12:42

@LadyOfTheCanyon yes, mine is isn't that welcoming either at the moment tbh

OP posts:
nc1013 · 02/02/2023 12:58

Personally knowing he had a crush on a younger female celeb might not make insecure as such as I think it's natural for men to fancy famous women. In the same way I find certain male celebs attractive.

However I'd find these conversations dull and immature. I'd feel like he was trying to make me jealous and that on its own would be enough for me to end it after 4 dates

nc1013 · 02/02/2023 13:03

I'm currently being given the cold shoulder anyway I think. I got quite annoyed when we argued the other day and it upset me how I reacted. I definitely should have reigned myself in, so I wanted to clear the air by having a phone convo the next day. He said he'd talk, then about an hour before I said I'd ring, he texted "best to leave it for another time if that's ok"
So...

After acting like a horny teenager discussing celeb crushes, he now sounds like a huffy teenager thats been sent to his room.

He also seems to think he's the one in control and he'll be calling the shots.

I'd be tempted to dump him now before it looks like you're chasing him and he's the one leaving you hanging Flowers

kidsatuniemptynester · 02/02/2023 13:05

As someone who just cannot understand celebrity fixation, people queueing up to see a glimpse of their crush, I would dump him. He is immature and rather shallow.

nc1013 · 02/02/2023 13:05

I'd go with something like "The reason I had suggested a chat is that this is no longer working for me as I'm not feeling much chemistry. I thought a quick call would be better than a text but I wish you luck finding what you're looking for." Then block

Planesmistakenforstars · 02/02/2023 13:17

He sends selfies pretty much every day.
and
We must have spent a good half an hour with him trying to pick apart my reasons, made me feel a bit silly.

He is trying to break down your boundaries. It won't stop at this. Start sending him selfies and he'll want nudes. You've only had 4 dates and he's already a knobhead, just get rid of him.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 02/02/2023 14:23

nc1013 · 02/02/2023 13:05

I'd go with something like "The reason I had suggested a chat is that this is no longer working for me as I'm not feeling much chemistry. I thought a quick call would be better than a text but I wish you luck finding what you're looking for." Then block

Yes, this! Four dates in, it should all be amazing.

Original poster
RunningInTheFamily · 02/02/2023 17:24

Thanks for all your replies x

Well, I noticed earlier he's unfriended me on Facebook 😂😂😂 fucking hell 😂😂😂
But has messaged me since to ask when we're speaking on the phone.

It's going to be awks on the school bus tomorrow 🙄

FORTY ONE YEARS OLD.

OP posts:
Notaboutthebass · 02/02/2023 17:30

I put up with someone like this for 5 months! There were lots of other things too. Would always comment on celebs, but it was an amount that made it more than the normal, he was definitely negging, and would always comment on women out and about, not sexual or anything just about their appearance or clothing, but it was never men. Definitely to bring me down. Childish, immature and insecure.

There's a difference between casually saying stuff every now and then to doing it frequently. It's about how they do it and if in your gut you think it's deliberate, you're normally right.

Inthepinc · 02/02/2023 19:26

RunningInTheFamily · 02/02/2023 17:24

Thanks for all your replies x

Well, I noticed earlier he's unfriended me on Facebook 😂😂😂 fucking hell 😂😂😂
But has messaged me since to ask when we're speaking on the phone.

It's going to be awks on the school bus tomorrow 🙄

FORTY ONE YEARS OLD.

So basically he’s punishing you, but still wants to have the conversation so that he can revel in your grovelling- eewww!!! He’s pre-emptively trying to reel you back in in case you’re even thinking of not playing his games. He thinks he’s being so clever and that he’s playing you like a fiddle! 😂 😂 I’m so glad you’ve got the self awareness to realise this manipulative man child’s behaviour is not on.
As someone who’s been there and lived to tell the tale, I think @nc1013 ’s response is spot on. You could amend slightly for the current circumstances to say ‘The reason I had suggested a chat previously is that this is no longer working for me as I'm not feeling much chemistry. I thought a quick call would be better than a text but I appreciate you’ve been busy. I wish you luck finding what you're looking for.’ Then definitely block. I know some people seem to think it petty but I really don’t agree, not with someone like this. He’s not playing by the same rules of common decency as the rest of us. Men like this will find endless ways to find you petty, or immature, or crazy, unless you do EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT. Blocking him is about protecting yourself. And don’t worry, I’m sure it’s not the first time it’s happened to him! 😂 Just be bright and breezy if you run into him, and refuse to engage in any drama.

GirlFromUpNorth · 02/02/2023 19:31

Dump him!! Immediately!!

Fuckstix · 02/02/2023 19:58

Send the message suggested! He sounds puerile and toxic. At least he had the good grace to let you know early on. Don't see it as time wasted, you thought someone was a match so you gave it a good go, wholeheartedly, but slung them back when their behaviour didn't align with your boundaries. That's a great approach.

Fuckstix · 02/02/2023 19:59

But yeah, I hope you're not stuck next to him in double maths!

Ryder68 · 02/02/2023 20:03

I don't have the best opinion of myself physically and he knows this.

Never EVER tell a potential new date anything like this. Some men, like this one, will use your insecurities againt you. Hence the celeb slavering to rock your self esteem even more.

The selfie thing? Yeah he WILL start to ask for nudes as he gets you to break your barriers down to please him and keep him.

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/02/2023 20:13

He sends selfies pretty much every day

Yeah that alone would have made my lady garden seal itself shut.

Good-day Sir 🏃‍♀️

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/02/2023 20:16

Never EVER tell a potential new date anything like this. Some men, like this one, will use your insecurities againt you

Also this is spot on and next time you get asked why you don’t send 100 selfies per day say you manage to keep your narcissism on a tight leash unlike some others.

Lampzade · 02/02/2023 20:21

He sounds immature and pathetic.
I am getting the ick and I am not even dating him
He is deliberately trying to make you feel insecure so that you think that he is the prize
Get rid of the fucker forthwith

honeypancake · 02/02/2023 20:21

He sounds a bit shallow in addition to being immature. Is he even fun/ interesting? I would run fast.

xJoy · 02/02/2023 20:26

Eugh what a turn off. Shabby behaviour, trying to make his girlfriend insecure.
Dump him, wish him good luck with Billie Eilis

chilling19 · 02/02/2023 20:30

On top of what PPs have pointed out, he sounds like a crashing bore.

Tabitha1960 · 02/02/2023 20:42

Do the same back to him.... how gorgeous you find so many male celebs.

FluffyBunni · 02/02/2023 20:43

No, no, no, no and no.

StanFransDisco · 02/02/2023 20:44

This would really piss me off and he doesn't come across as particularly keen to make a good impression on you. I wouldn't be seeing him again

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