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Relationships

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Original poster

My boyfriend has not told his mum I have a daughter? What should I do?

138 replies

Foodx123 · 01/02/2023 17:42

I’ve been dating my boyfriend almost a year and I have a 2 year old from a previous relationship. My boyfriend has told his mum about me and even asked me to meet her and he would explain after that I had a daughter. I’ve met a couple times now and spent several hours with her but he still hasn’t told her. He knows it’s silly but he’s worried about how she will react. He said she’s quite emotional and hard to manage at times which I understand but if time goes on it’ll only get worse and might ruin our relationships. What do I say? Every time I mention him telling his mum (she’s staying with him for a week as he’s moved into a new flat) he says he feels I’m being unsupportive.

OP posts:

iCouldSleepForAYear · 08/02/2023 07:03

As blunt as it sounds, "Why does it make a difference if my parents know" sounds like his version of:

"I'm not as serious about this relationship as you are."

Imagine if he'd said "why does it make a difference if you meet my parents or not". You'd know right away he has no intention of marrying you.

I don't think men in their 30s are worth waiting for. After a year of dating, he should have grown up.

Reinventinganna · 08/02/2023 07:08

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t acknowledge my children.
He’s proving that he’s a very good liar.

billy1966 · 08/02/2023 08:02

He's ashamed of you OP.

Could it be clearer?

His mother is catholic, has a prized doctor for a son and most certainly doesn't see a young single mother in her son's future.

Not a chance.
She sees some fellow doctor in his future wife.
He knows that you are an absolute No no to bring home.

Your relationship is going absolutely no where.

He may enjoy spending time with you and while away some time as it suits him, but he knows well that you are not a long term bet.

He wants your child not mentioned because things suit him nice and dandy and he has zero interest in the drama that would ensue if his mother found out.

This is who he is and that is his background.

His mother cleans for him.

He hasn't a notion of upsetting his mummy.

All the while you are showing him how little you respect yourself and your child by being involved with someone who would make you deny your own child.

This relationship is going nowhere.

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 08:29

Tell him it matters because you want stability in your daughters life and if he's not prepared to embrace you both with the long term aim of becoming a family, he's not right for you.

nc1013 · 08/02/2023 09:50

Foodx123 · 08/02/2023 00:20

I said to him and this is a massive issue that could have bug repercussions and his response was literally “Why?
Why does it make so much difference if my parents know or not”

not sure what to say to that

How about "because she's my number 1 priority and the single most important part of my life. I can't be with someone who doesn't appreciate and accept that. The fact you've even asked "why?" shows that you're not the type of person I want to be with"

I'd also have a very very hard time trusting someone who can lie so easily (or if not lie, hide something so monumental so easily). I wouldn't wast another single day with this man but your bar seems to be so low and you almost seem scared to lose him.

It's clear he doesn't see a long term future with you

fruitbrewhaha · 08/02/2023 09:56

What happens when in the future he knows something you won’t like so withholds the information? He will one day lie to you.

FurAndFeathers · 08/02/2023 22:22

Foodx123 · 08/02/2023 00:20

I said to him and this is a massive issue that could have bug repercussions and his response was literally “Why?
Why does it make so much difference if my parents know or not”

not sure what to say to that

Well he clearly doesn’t see a future in your relationship.

if he did he’d tell his mum now rather than deal with the backlash of lying to her for years.
but he’s never planning on dealing with that backlash because he’ll make sure your relationship never reaches a point that she has to find out

SandyY2K · 08/02/2023 22:43

Why would he tell her effectively he sees your as temporary. He's not planning a future with you...so to him, he's not going to bother dealing with the hassle.

His mum (and maybe him too) think a man like him... with his career as a doctor, can do better than a woman with a child as far as a long term relationship/marriage.

KatherineJaneway · 08/02/2023 23:11

I think you've posted before about this guy. Sorry to be harsh but it isn't going to work out.

2bazookas · 08/02/2023 23:20

Send her a nice card or flowers "from Foodx123 and my daughter Jasmine"

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 23:47

2bazookas · 08/02/2023 23:20

Send her a nice card or flowers "from Foodx123 and my daughter Jasmine"

This is terrible advice.

discobrain · 09/02/2023 00:09

2bazookas · 08/02/2023 23:20

Send her a nice card or flowers "from Foodx123 and my daughter Jasmine"

💯

Isithotinhere · 09/02/2023 00:26

You need to end this sooner than later as it's unfair for your daughter to continue to get close to this man who seems to see your relationship as just a fling.

And if you're dating again I would put off introducing any new boyfriend to her until you know he is committed to a relationship
It doesn't mean you can't have fun, casually date etc, just don't involve them with your daughter.

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