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Original poster

My boyfriend has not told his mum I have a daughter? What should I do?

138 replies

Foodx123 · 01/02/2023 17:42

I’ve been dating my boyfriend almost a year and I have a 2 year old from a previous relationship. My boyfriend has told his mum about me and even asked me to meet her and he would explain after that I had a daughter. I’ve met a couple times now and spent several hours with her but he still hasn’t told her. He knows it’s silly but he’s worried about how she will react. He said she’s quite emotional and hard to manage at times which I understand but if time goes on it’ll only get worse and might ruin our relationships. What do I say? Every time I mention him telling his mum (she’s staying with him for a week as he’s moved into a new flat) he says he feels I’m being unsupportive.

OP posts:
Duckingella · 04/02/2023 18:13

A 30 year old man is too scared to tell his mum his girlfriend of a year has a child.........

If you stay with him I foresee a lifetime of him being a mummy's boy and her interfering/disproving.

Grimchmas · 04/02/2023 18:16

Good for you! It's fucking weird at best and shows just how much he is hanging on to her apron strings at worst. My red line would have been lyingabout picking up my daughter, no way did that need to happen and I would have just told the truth like it ain't no thing.

All this BS about you having no compassion is manipulative as fuck - he's fucking 30 not 12, if he doesn't understand that he's been a complete compassionless knob then throw him back, he ain't no catch.

ramanw · 04/02/2023 18:18

Oh this is so sad 😢.

You can't allow him to treat you and your Daughter like that. Not in a million years would I try and hide my child from someone. Your Daughter comes first and his wants and needs need to come second.

This would be a nightmare for the future as well. If he is this much of a Mummy's boy, imagine having a kid with him? If she starts interfering or not listening to your rules with baby etc and he would have absolutely no backbone and never say anything.

Don't let him treat you like this.

viques · 04/02/2023 18:25

Foodx123 · 04/02/2023 17:40

He stays around my house a lot and we actually spend a lot of time together with her.

I hope you meant to write “he stayed around my house a lot and we actually spent a lot of time together.

anyolddinosaur · 04/02/2023 18:29

His mother is more important to him than you are, find someone who values you more highly.

juneonthemoon · 04/02/2023 21:49

He sounds cowardly and you've potentially got the MIL from hell if she's really as bad as he says. And he's not able to stand up to her. So your relationship has no future really does it? It's pathetic that he can't tell his mum and also you've got a man who'd rather lie than deal with uncomfortable (to him) truths, and that's not going to make a great partner.

I'd break up, and if he tries to get back with you make it a condition he has to tell her. But it's going to be embarrassing all round anyway if you see her or if she met your dd isn't it.

Your partner should be seeing you as a great catch, not someone who he's got to hide something major about - not fair on you or your dd.

Treegarden · 04/02/2023 22:08

Run for the hills. Your child comes first! The fact he's already ashamed of your child shows they will always be an inconvenience to him.

TheChoiceIsYours · 04/02/2023 22:13

OP I mean this kindly but as a mother you need to have a MUCH higher bar for your boyfriends.

Someone who expected me to pretend my child didn’t exist in case it upset his mummy would be dumped on the spot. Sorry but how could you do that? And how can you respect this man? He sounds like a pathetic wet fish.

I’m baffled as to how desperate for a boyfriend you would have to be to go along with this charade in which you allow your child’s existence to be denied?! 😢

Please think long and hard about the fact that every man you go out with you’re not just deciding if they’re good enough for you, but to be in your child’s life. Raise your bar, please.

Florissant · 04/02/2023 22:41

The boyfriend's cowardice is a huge red flag and a sensible person would realise this and end the relationship.

DeeCeeCherry · 05/02/2023 01:51

He's a wimp and a mummy's boy and you've no business being with a man who wants to hide your daughter's existence anyway. Put your child 1st not him.

catandcoffee · 05/02/2023 02:33

Never ever be in a relationship with a grown adult who's too scared to tell his/her Mum you've got DC.

That's my advice 😉

Eyerollcentral · 05/02/2023 03:08

You have defo done the right thing @Foodx123. He hasn’t been serious about your relationship. The man is 30 fgs. It’s never going to be a parent’s dream that their child is going out with someone with children, but he should be mature enough to deal with the opprobrium or not go out with women with children. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of and you and your child deserve the dignity and respect of your partner and his family. Getting rid of him will let you find a wonderful man who an give you that and more

Aquamarine1029 · 05/02/2023 03:24

Your bar is so insanely low for who you allow into your life. You are tolerating a 30 year old man who refuses to stand up to mummy. How can you stomach him? You are betraying your own child by going along with his pathetic bullshit. Your poor little girl.

Slobbet · 05/02/2023 03:30

Tell him to get back in touch when he’s told her. You’re not sure how you feel about someone who cannot be truthful to his family.

Slobbet · 05/02/2023 03:32

He needs to hand compassion to you and your DD.

deeperthanallroses · 05/02/2023 03:38

If just say to him my daughter is the joy of my life and I’m done with not mentioning her. Next time I see your mum I’m talking about her. If telling her will be so stressful for you you had better tell her yourself. And if she’s still a secret in a month then we are over.

billy1966 · 05/02/2023 12:05

deeperthanallroses · 05/02/2023 03:38

If just say to him my daughter is the joy of my life and I’m done with not mentioning her. Next time I see your mum I’m talking about her. If telling her will be so stressful for you you had better tell her yourself. And if she’s still a secret in a month then we are over.

Your poor daughter, that you would continue with such a waster.

You are failing in your duty to put her first.

Desperation for a man is not a good look for any woman and is particularly awful when that desperation puts him ahead of a child.

Your child deserves better choices from you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/02/2023 12:41

He is a mummy’s boy. No good will further come to you or your child if you choose to date such a man. He is a man who is in an enmeshed and otherwise toxic relationship with his mother.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?
We let others treat us how we think we deserve to be treated. Get counselling for yourself and love your own self for a change. I would also suggest you enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme and read Women who love too much by Robin Norwood.

workiskillingme · 06/02/2023 09:36

Denying your child's existence for a bit of (probably rubbish) cock? Have a serious word with yourself

workiskillingme · 06/02/2023 09:40

Foodx123 · 04/02/2023 16:42

She came and stayed to help with cleaning and then left and came back and she’s been there for almost a week which is bizarre. I offered to go there Friday and we sit down and say I’ve got a daughter but he was not in favour of that option.

Help who with cleaning? Him? Does he have a disability?

workiskillingme · 06/02/2023 09:41

And why does a 30 year old man need his mother to stay with him for a week just because he's got a new flat? Do you honestly get sexually aroused by a man like this????

Original poster
Foodx123 · 07/02/2023 23:31

Generous to us both

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 07/02/2023 23:35

He is pretending you don’t have a daughter to his mother. How much to compensate you for that @Foodx123? Does he have more money than you?

Original poster
Foodx123 · 07/02/2023 23:38

He earns a considerable amount more than me. He’s a doctor and I’m a paramedic student. I buy him stuff, he buys me things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foodx123 · 07/02/2023 23:42

yep. I found that quite awkward… no he’s a doctor and his mum lives 3 hrs away 😕 was weird

OP posts: