Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Close male friend's partner doesn't seem to like me

131 replies

neverendingqueue · 31/01/2023 16:43

Amd it's affecting out friendship.
We're friends for over ten years.
I was married and even when I was , our friendship never changed. We work together.
Friend and I are always texting and chatting
And confide in each other about the usual bits and pieces in life.
He is with partner four years and they are happy and live together.
He is asexual, she isn't but has accepted this is the way things are.
Their business.
I've met her once.
My friend and I were chatting and laughing about something. My own partner was there too but at the bar at the time.
She physically moved her body in between the two of us , put her arms around his waist and started talking to him... literally her back to me.
He was mortified and so was I so I quickly moved away.
The rest of the night she literallly hung off him making sure we couldn't talk. It was weird .
I was due with another friend to dry at theirs for a night out recently . Other friend could t make it so he cancelled it. Cancelled me coming on my own which we would always have done previously.
He was a little mcomfortable saying it . I was fine and didn't acknowledge how unusual it was for us but it transpires that she wasn't going to be there so maybe she would t allow it .
I'm ten years older than him, absolutely no threat whatsoever , plain and a bit frumpy. She is gorgous and glam
So no jealousy there I expect 😂
What do you think happened ?
He won't ' go there' with me.

OP posts:
PoseyFlump · 03/02/2023 11:22

As to the use of terminology, is the term allosexual one that I have to accept as I don't want to be labeled really, or do I not get included in what labels are being put on me by others?

👏 well said.

category12 · 03/02/2023 12:32

CantAskAnyoneElse · 03/02/2023 09:11

@PoseyFlump
it is not right for someone to be above criticism for their behaviour just because of their 'sexuality'.

But none can do much about what sexuality they were born with.
Be it staight, ace, bi or gay.
I don’t know why you put quotes.

We all have a bloody sexuality
Yeah, and to some, it’s asexuality.
I’m not sure whay you are so aggressive about it.

@category12
I can’t help you, if you don’t want to learn there is nothing anyone can do.

asking them to give up or suppress their sexuality
To use your words on the same token, she chose to ’give up’ and ’suppress’
If she’d not okey with that, maybe shouldn’t have done it. Again that is not on him.

I've already said several times that she's also responsible for the decisions she's making and I think she's foolish to make such a sacrifice of her needs & wants.

But I don't get why it's reasonable for someone asexual to date allosexuals knowing there's this root incompatibility? It's like saying my orientation must be treated as immutable, but yours can be treated as invalid. It's going in knowing you don't want the same things in a relationship, but expecting the other person to suppress their needs.

Same as it doesn't make sense for an allosexual to date an asexual if they want a sex life.

Alaldlccmemsjzja · 03/02/2023 12:39

Him being asexual doesn’t mean that OP should expect his girlfriend to like her? OP catches a bad vibe from his girlfriend and wants to know why. People have indicated their varied opinions as for why.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 03/02/2023 16:01

DietCroak · 03/02/2023 09:40

Has anyone said nasty things about asexuals? (Genuine question- apologies if I have missed them.) I took the criticism of the chap to be about his behaviour towards his girlfriend (not marrying her to protect his money, blabbing to OP about their personal lives etc) rather than anything about his asexuality.

Yes.

Lots of invalidation, saying he need theraphy, that asexuality isin’t a thing, ’claiming’ to be, saying he’s a n asshole for getting in a reöationship as an asexual, questioning why aces would even want a relationship….

The whole thread is full of it.

(Take a note that someone is offended by the word allo, now if that is upsetting, imagine how aces feel).

MichelleScarn · 03/02/2023 17:11

Who's been offended by the use of 'allo' if you mean me you're wrong. I'm not offended, frankly just bored by the need to label everything, and by people who say 'I put people into boxes, I decided you're this'.

PoseyFlump · 03/02/2023 17:24

@CantAskAnyoneElse you've totally twisted that right there. No one said an asexual should not 'be in a relationship' full stop. They were questioning him stringing along a woman he knows deep down wants children and his bragging to his female friend. Wow you really have got it bad. Quote these posts. I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. And not once have you said anything about his shifty behaviour. Because YOU are letting his sexuality blind you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread