Doesn't want to be on birth certificate

[Bakedpotatos]

Me and my partner have been together since 2016 and had a baby only three weeks ago. We had plans on moving in, but due to him delaying the renovations it meant it wasn't practical living there with baby due to no bathroom or hot water. Despite him saying he would do it long before baby was born but I feel he lost motivation and interest. So now I'm living at my grandparents which is far from ideal and I'm struggling to raise baby the way I feel is best due to being in a controlling and "traditional" environment.

Recently he's been acting very distant, he's been to see baby probably 5 times in three weeks because he lives 45mins away. When he's here he doesn't do much with him, I think he's held him twice since he was born and refuses to give him a bottle. But I put that down to first time nerves as baby is his first child.

Today I had the discussion with my nan about registering baby, I sent a text to my partner asking if he'll be attending the appointment and he said no. Meaning he won't be able to be on the birth certificate, which I was surprised about as we previously discussed baby having his name for various reasons. And now he's adamant that he won't be going on the birth certificate and says he isn't bothered about it.

So what do I do in this situation, do I just leave him off it? I told him what it meant if he didn't, but doesn't seem to make any difference to him at all. I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want, but I can't help but feel very sad towards this as I've waited a long time for this baby and thought he was brilliant for the first week until he went distant. I told everyone how I'd be lost without him at the hospital and the few days after as I stayed at his until I moved back to my nans. And now I'm basically a single parent as I do absolutely everything on my own, and I've been lucky to see him once this week for an hour at midnight before he went home to his own bed.

Feels pretty pathetic as we're both very much grown adults, and him being in his mid 30s I imagined he'd be mature enough to make the right decisions based on what's best for his son, but it's as if he just doesn't care anymore, and it only took a few weeks for him to change into a completely different person it seems.

Yep this 100%

I'm sorry OP.

Pretty much, yeah

Hard agree on this. You're a single parent already. Just split with my daughter's father at 8 months old and I wish I'd done it earlier.

@BarryK3nt How do you know what op has posted under a different user name? I didn't think this was identifiable. I thought the point of changing user name was to prevent being outed. I may reconsider posting if past usernames can be traced.

So if you were thinking about a DNA test OP had you cheated on him or was he accusing you of that? Clearly the relationship has been strained for some time and this is it's natural end.

Ask him for t financial support whilst you submit to CMS. Ask him for the money back that you invested in the chalet. Then move on.

Yes, and your point is what exactly? That he's a predator?

Your other posts indicate you had your first child at 17/18. What does a man in his late 20s want with a teenager with a newborn baby?

And he's verbally abusive to you, you don't trust him, he goes through periods where you can't get hold of him and turns on you for questioning it, you're so mentally unwell that you can't work yet he still treats you like shit, he's unemployed and has no money, doesn't care about his child, doesn't care about living with you, he refused to tell his family you were pregnant even at 25 weeks.

He doesn't sound like a stand up bloke really does he?

Your other posts say you've given birth multiple times, do you have other children with him?

Not with him no, I had a son at 17 but I signed him over to my mum for various reasons, mainly due to my age. And then got with my now "partner" very shortly after which was stupid of me as obviously I was vulnerable and not in the best mindset at the time. But I lost a pregnancy at 17 weeks 3 years ago which was his

stop getting pregnant, please. this is no way to bring humans into the world.

It was just very recognisable, that’s all. This poster is quite disingenuous about her true situation when she starts threads.

I've never made any posts under another name, I'm not exactly hiding anything to give me the need to do so

When you are married the dc is legally your dh's(parental responsibility automatically given) even if he doesn't attend or have his details on the bc...

He is clearly planning his escape route and ways to delay paying child support when he does. Anyone who can't be bother with his child belongs in the bin.

Thanks, but I don't think it's your place as a stranger over Mumsnet to be telling me what not to do with my body or reproductive choices. I've been pregnant 3 times in just over 7 years so I don't exactly "keep getting pregnant". Regardless of my situation my boys are thriving, happy and loved which is what matters.

Which isn't the situation here?! Are you suggesting she marry the dickhead who can't even be bothered to hold his own baby?

@Bakedpotatos you're getting a rough time here but you just admit this all sounds a bit far fetched and if not, an absolute mess.

Move on from this loser and build a life for yourself. Absolutely do not give this baby his name or allow him on the BC if he changes his mind.

I'm amazed that families with houses with separate annexes and enough farmland to build houses on seem to have produced such seemingly immature adults.

And she has another child with an ex? 🤔

Between this and the pathological liar wanting the designer pram whilst pretending her abusive "partner" was infertile to illegally access NHS IVF treatment, I feel pretty despondent about the next generation of parents.

Meanwhile myself and my friend and our husbands, all gainfully employed, decent people, are jumping through endless bureaucratic hoops to be allowed to even try to have a child.

Why post lies? To what end?

Being a parent is a privilege not a right. Just because you can procreate, doesn't mean you should if you don't have the necessary agency, emotional intelligence and practical, financial means to support children.

It makes me really sad that your approach to this is so flippant.

You mustn't live in the UK, US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland or most of the rest of the EU then and they are just the jurisdictions I've checked on.

What I really suspect is that your friend has got away with this situation because either her ex couldn't give a shit, people have not been checking or she has hoodwinked him into believing that he has no rights because he is not on the birth certificate. If that is the case all he'd need to do would be to file some simple paperwork at court to get parental responsibility recognised.

The vast majority of posters here will live in a jurisdiction where parental responsibility is automatically granted to married fathers. However, it would not surprise me if many men were not aware of this.

So you have a baby at 17, then give it away to your mum, then get pregnant again - about18? But lose it. Then for 3 years - 20-23 ttc and do, with someone who is at best a BF, not a partner even as you don't live with him.
Some people learn from bad choices, some don't, hence you are where you are now.
Yes, 3 pregnancies in 7 years when you start at 17 is a lot actually in the real world - you must be on a different planet 😁

If he doesn't go to the registration appointment he can't be on it as they are not married

I think counselling could help you work through your experiences.

You absolutely need to prioritise your children.

You say you "signed over" your son. So are you his main carer now or your Mum?

If you've been together since 2016 so 6/7 years and you're 24 and he's mid 30s that means you've been together since you were 17/18 and he was 28/29?

So you’ve been together since 2016.

In a loving relationship and have been TTC for 3 years - but you’ve never lived together?

Why would you not live together if you’ve been together for so many years and especially before you start trying to conceive?

Either you are not being honest with us or you are no more than a fuck buddy and not actually in a relationship with this man.

3 pregnancies in 7 years IS a lot. Please revisit your birth control options with a family planning clinic.

You're a single mum. He's not your partner I'm afraid, and you have most likely lost all the money you put into the chalet. I'd say it's a harsh lesson but I'm not convinced that you seem to be actually learning from any of your life lessons. I wish you and your children all the very best.

Your boys? I thought you had 1? And he lives with your mum?