Doesn't want to be on birth certificate

[Bakedpotatos]

Me and my partner have been together since 2016 and had a baby only three weeks ago. We had plans on moving in, but due to him delaying the renovations it meant it wasn't practical living there with baby due to no bathroom or hot water. Despite him saying he would do it long before baby was born but I feel he lost motivation and interest. So now I'm living at my grandparents which is far from ideal and I'm struggling to raise baby the way I feel is best due to being in a controlling and "traditional" environment.

Recently he's been acting very distant, he's been to see baby probably 5 times in three weeks because he lives 45mins away. When he's here he doesn't do much with him, I think he's held him twice since he was born and refuses to give him a bottle. But I put that down to first time nerves as baby is his first child.

Today I had the discussion with my nan about registering baby, I sent a text to my partner asking if he'll be attending the appointment and he said no. Meaning he won't be able to be on the birth certificate, which I was surprised about as we previously discussed baby having his name for various reasons. And now he's adamant that he won't be going on the birth certificate and says he isn't bothered about it.

So what do I do in this situation, do I just leave him off it? I told him what it meant if he didn't, but doesn't seem to make any difference to him at all. I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want, but I can't help but feel very sad towards this as I've waited a long time for this baby and thought he was brilliant for the first week until he went distant. I told everyone how I'd be lost without him at the hospital and the few days after as I stayed at his until I moved back to my nans. And now I'm basically a single parent as I do absolutely everything on my own, and I've been lucky to see him once this week for an hour at midnight before he went home to his own bed.

Feels pretty pathetic as we're both very much grown adults, and him being in his mid 30s I imagined he'd be mature enough to make the right decisions based on what's best for his son, but it's as if he just doesn't care anymore, and it only took a few weeks for him to change into a completely different person it seems.

Ignore me.. the new baby 🙈

To recap the facts as you have put them forward.

Age 17yo you have a baby but sign them over to your mum. Age 18yo you meet your current boyfriend. You don’t live together. Age 21yo you get pregnant to current boyfriend but it doesn’t progress. Subsequently, while not living together you and boyfriend spend 3 years planning to have a baby. However, while planning to have a baby with your boyfriend you sleep with someone else and for a while don’t know whose baby it is. At 24yo you have a baby but are living with your grandparents. You are living in a seperate annex, not in their home so you all have seperate space yet are unhappy as it’s an ‘old fashioned’ environment. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to want anything to do with you/baby. You believe claiming CMS will be too complicated so happy for baby to go without that.

If all of this is correct, I’d think the best environment for your baby is the ‘old fashioned’ one with your grandparents. Seems like they are likely sensible and will be best for baby even if you can’t see that now.

Crikey - how do you financially support children at such a young age - a decent home before you start a family seems a good old fashioned idea, maybe it should be part of the curriculum

Bakedpotatos · Yesterday 21:18
MrNook · Yesterday 21:03
If you've been together since 2016 so 6/7 years and you're 24 and he's mid 30s that means you've been together since you were 17/18 and he was 28/29?

Yes, and your point is what exactly? That he's a predator?

Pretty much, yep

I think he's used you to buy the chalet.
He doesn't want to parent your baby.
Please claim CM ASAP and think about protecting you and your family from future men who take advantage.

Hi @Bakedpotatos

First of all - this man isn't your partner. He's showing you very clearly that he isn't interested in you or your baby. FGS sake he is living 45 minutes away from you - many people I know commute more than that every day to work - yet he's only visited 5 times in 3 weeks to see his newborn child! He clearly isn't interested.

So.... plan your life without him in it. He will only bring you and your child grief. He won't add anything good. If he doesn't want to be on the birth certificate (and that tells you everything you need to know) then he won't be on it. DO NOT give the child his name. It looks like he won't be on the scene in any serious way, and your child will be left with the surname of a man they barely know rather than the woman who loves him and brings him up.

DO apply for CMS. It's a non-negotiable. Your child deserves it, and your ex has a duty to look after the child he helped create.

DO see a solicitor and look in to getting the money back that you gave to your ex for the property. Gather together any evidence of you giving him the money - bank statements, text messages, emails etc - and do all you can to get it back.

Start planning your life without him anywhere near it. Don't beg him to visit, or to be a good partner. Show him that you're worth more than that. You and your child will be just fine without him - in fact you'll be better off without him. Take time to recuild yourself before you go anywhere near another relationship. You don't need a man to be happy. You do need to have built up your self esteem, your confidence in yourself, your boundaries, before you even consider dating again. And when it happens, take it very slowly. Your wellbeing and that of your children is far more important than having a man in the picture.

You called it

Do you see your 7 yo at all OP if your Mom is raising him and you're living with your grandparents?

Forget about this loser and concentrate on the kids. Put a claim in for CMS altho he's working for Mommy and Daddy so no doubt hell have no "income" to claim from, move on and focus on the only males that should matter right now. Your kids.

And put a LOT of money into a property you have no legal ties to