Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Relationships

What percentage of people are in love / happy?

119 replies

DanglyThings · 25/01/2023 11:32

When you look around, do you see couples who are happy and in love, or do you see couples muddling along getting from one day to the next?

I ask as I wonder if I'm expecting too much, or chasing a fantasy that doesn't exist.

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Shoxfordian · 25/01/2023 11:37

Most of the friends I have in relationships seem happy; I’m happy in my relationship- no point in being together otherwise

Please
or
to access all these features

Notformethankyoukindly · 25/01/2023 11:41

Im 60. I know maybe 20 couples of my age well. Only 1 couple appears to be ‘happy and in love’, the rest just appear to rub along with each other. That doesn’t mean that, as individuals, they’re not happy. There’s an awful lot more to a person than the state of their relationship.

im (very) happy in my own 4 year relationship and very happy in my own skin. I’m unhappy about quite a lot of things that are going on in the lives of people I love though. So on balance, maybe 70% happy?

Please
or
to access all these features

80s · 25/01/2023 11:44

I'm in my 50s. At least half of my friends have already broken up or are planning to. With some it had been obvious for years, with others I would have said they were very stable and happy, but they're now revealing that it was not all kittens and roses. In other cases I can't see why they're in the relationship but they are clearly not planning to leave.
I'm happy with my dp - he's a very good partner, we get on really well - but I can still see potential drawbacks to staying with him.
In what way do you think you might be chasing a fantasy?

Please
or
to access all these features

Bryzoan · 25/01/2023 11:46

I think broadly being happy does probably include being able to muddle along getting from one day to the next. A lot of life is just muddling along I find. For me, happiness means being able to enjoy some of the moments within that, and relationship happiness means sharing them, mutual support in the harder times, fun in the better ones, and sharing humour along the way. Always looking for an Insta like level of perfection I think is pretty much doomed to disappointment and failure! There will of course be moments that are genuinely close to the Instagram dream - but nobody be has them all the time. There will also be times when both people are being a bit crap and not able to support the other in the way required - but that should be the exception not the rule.

Please
or
to access all these features

Watchkeys · 25/01/2023 12:16

Even if you're chasing a fantasy... will you be happier if you settle for a relationship that doesn't fulfill you, or if you carry on looking?

It's perfectly possible to find a happy, loving relationship, but if you want it, you need to be willing to do a lot of trial and error (i.e. dropping people who are lovely, but not for you) You might be lucky and find the right person quickly, or it might take a while. Don't stay with anybody who doesn't impress you at every turn.

Please
or
to access all these features

SpanishOnion · 25/01/2023 12:19

I'm not sure why you're equating happiness in a couple situation and being 'in love' - if by that you mean in the 'butterflies and losing a stone in weight' stage of a relationship, that doesn't last. Which is just as well, as it's exhausting. It's hard to know from your post whether you are being unrealistic, or whether your relationship isn't meeting your needs.

Please
or
to access all these features

drivingavanbacknorth · 25/01/2023 12:26

I'm a naturally happy person but I'm not in love. Mainly because I'm not 15 years old anymore.

Please
or
to access all these features

80s · 25/01/2023 12:33

Glad to say that I've experienced love over the age of 50, let alone 15 :D

Please
or
to access all these features

DanglyThings · 25/01/2023 12:33

I don't mean champagne and roses, I mean more basic stuff like looking forward to going home, not dreading him coming in, not having to sit upstairs just to avoid spending time with him..... Is this just me? How normal is this? Do most couples genuinely like each other, and even, god forbid, have sex?!!! 😣

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Watchkeys · 25/01/2023 12:34

drivingavanbacknorth · 25/01/2023 12:26

I'm a naturally happy person but I'm not in love. Mainly because I'm not 15 years old anymore.

Why the passive aggressive approach, if you're so happy?

I was happy before I met my partner, and now I'm in love, and even happier.

What's being 15 got to do with it? Do you think only teenagers fall in love?

Please
or
to access all these features

80s · 25/01/2023 12:35

I guessed it would be more like that, DanglyThings ... pretty normal, probably, but not in couples who want to stay together.

Please
or
to access all these features

drivingavanbacknorth · 25/01/2023 12:36

80s · 25/01/2023 12:33

Glad to say that I've experienced love over the age of 50, let alone 15 :D

That's not what I said!

Please
or
to access all these features

VioletaDelValle · 25/01/2023 12:36

I'm a naturally happy person but I'm not in love. Mainly because I'm not 15 years old anymore.

What??
What has age got to do with it? I'm 41 and very much in love (and lust) with my husband.

Please
or
to access all these features

hellosunshineagainxxx · 25/01/2023 12:36

Been with my dp 12 years, two kids and still very much in love. Would say based on couples around me it's about 50/50 some clearly adore each other whereas the other half clearly just dont want to be alone

Please
or
to access all these features

VioletaDelValle · 25/01/2023 12:37

If you're dreading your partner coming home then I would say that's not just muddling along, that's being very unhappy.

Please
or
to access all these features

drivingavanbacknorth · 25/01/2023 12:38

You are reading it as passive aggressive @Watchkeys but no intention this end.
I believe that being 'in love' is a nonsensical term.

Please
or
to access all these features

80s · 25/01/2023 12:38

@drivingavanbacknorth I'm in love with my dp ... is that what you said?

Please
or
to access all these features

80s · 25/01/2023 12:39

Yes, I see it's the term "in love" then :) Probably more a case of semantics than a disagreement on what people are experiencing.

Please
or
to access all these features

Notformethankyoukindly · 25/01/2023 12:40

DanglyThings · 25/01/2023 12:33

I don't mean champagne and roses, I mean more basic stuff like looking forward to going home, not dreading him coming in, not having to sit upstairs just to avoid spending time with him..... Is this just me? How normal is this? Do most couples genuinely like each other, and even, god forbid, have sex?!!! 😣

This may be normal for many people sadly but it’s not good and not sustainable OP

Please
or
to access all these features

Watchkeys · 25/01/2023 12:41

drivingavanbacknorth · 25/01/2023 12:38

You are reading it as passive aggressive @Watchkeys but no intention this end.
I believe that being 'in love' is a nonsensical term.

What was the age reference about then? You think only 15 year olds believe that being in love is 'a thing'?

I don't get how you weren't being passive aggressive. It looked pretty clear to me, and quite a few others have queried your age reference, too. Maybe you could explain it differently so that people could understand? Very curious to know what you really meant, and how I'm reading PA into something that wasn't.

Please
or
to access all these features

hamstersarse · 25/01/2023 12:41

I'm in love and happy but I am not married and we don't live together. Sometimes I think that is the secret as menopausal belligerence sets in

Please
or
to access all these features

DanglyThings · 25/01/2023 12:42

See @drivingavanbacknorth it's comments like yours that make me think I am being unrealistic and that being in love doesn't apply within a marriage, or any adult relationship. But surely life isn't that bleak?! Surely being in love is a real achievable thing?? Please tell me it is!!! 😨

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Notformethankyoukindly · 25/01/2023 12:42

80s · 25/01/2023 12:39

Yes, I see it's the term "in love" then :) Probably more a case of semantics than a disagreement on what people are experiencing.

I agrée, it’s just semantics - like you I dislike the term ‘in love’, but starting to love, loving and being loved happens at any age.

Please
or
to access all these features

SmileWithADimple · 25/01/2023 12:44

I'm 48, I've been with DH for 25 years and we're still very happy. I look forward to seeing him and enjoy spending time with him. Sex life has dropped off a bit admittedly. Most of my friends are still with their husbands, I don't know that many people who've got divorced.

Please
or
to access all these features

VogueDarling · 25/01/2023 12:45

@DanglyThings















I'm not sure if I'm the demographic your looking at I feel like your thinking 30 40 50 years down the line?

I've been in a relationship with dh for 15 years married for 10 were early/mid 30s

veryvery much in love. Laugh every day find each other attractive want to spend time together have things in common

I don't know why this post has gone strange and bold BTW

Please
or
to access all these features
Similar threads
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?