A great song isn't it. I understand it's intended to convey how men are conditioned not to show the 'weakness' of being in love. It conveys bravado really well, I think.

Maybe partly to do with your social circle? If you have a lot of friends that are quite well off, for instance, not struggling to pay the bills, able to pay for a babysitter and go out sometimes, it does reduce the stress on a relationship.

And age/life stages. In my circle of friends I was the first to separate, then there semeed to be an avalanche :) And when people knew I'd split up from my ex they started telling me different things about their own marriages. I had a party last year, and the women I envied for their strong partnerships were queuing up to quietly tell me their plans to leave.

OTOH my mum was that bickering woman in the supermarket, bitching at my lovely stepdad. Now they're in their 80s she still moans at him a good bit but I have actually heard her saying nice things to him, too. Signs that she might actually appreciate and like him, and they might have quite a pleasant, quiet life when she's not stressed out by a family visit.

I've got to be honest, in my circle of friends (50's) I don't genuinely know anyone who I think is really happy.

Several of our couple friends have divorced in the last couple of years after being together 20 years or so, and out of the remainder most of them seem constantly dissatisfied with/irritated by their husbands for various reasons, including myself.

I do have one friend who does talk of her DH with affection but every time I see them together they're constantly bickering so I'm unsure what the dynamic is there.

It's sad really, I didn't envisage myself in this position - my parents were never happy when I was growing up and I promised myself I'd never end up like them. Yet here I am, not abused, no adultery, financially stable etc, but living as housemates, wishing things were different but not having the motivation to do anything about it.

You don’t need him to have affair to end the relationship. You can leave for any reason you like. You don’t need other people to do it first or feel like you’re ungrateful and selfish for having needs. It sounds horrendous. I don’t think what you’re describing is normal or just what marriages inevitably turn into at all.

I'm very in love with Dh and I miss him when we are not together even for a short time. There is no one I would rather spend time with than him.
He is away for work tonight and I was just thinking how I hear lots of my friends looking forward to their husbands going away so they can have the house to themselves etc-and I can't imagine feeling like that at all. I'm fine with my own company and we have lives outside of one another-I'll see a friend later for dinner for example-but Id much sooner he was here.
He is my second husband and my first marriage was in no way like this at all. I recognise that I've been very lucky. Together we are very happy.
That said there are outside stressors that make us both unhappy collectively and individually. So I wouldn't say I'm 💯 happy in life. But I am in our relationship.

Just relaxed I didn't answer the question. Of my friends marriages I'd say a third are obviously and outwardly happy. A third are muddling along. And a third don't seem to like each other at all and would probably be happier apart. But that said-who knows what goes on in anyones marriage really?

This is brilliant. I am 60 and fell deeply in love two years ago. Still love him and we have talked about living together (are in a long distance relationship) but I am finding it quite hard to adapt to the thought of living with him full time. Just realised it's menopausal beligerence!

Belligerence. Typo

We're in love and have a great relationship and sex life (married 12 years), but it took my DH having an affair to shock us both out of the terrible place we'd slipped into since our daughter was born 3 years ago.

Don't get me wrong, I will never forgive the betrayal and there is never any excuse for doing that, but I'm glad we ultimately ended up here rather than just muddling along in low level bitterness and contempt like my parents did.

The happiest couple I knew have just announced he’s been cheating and moved in with another woman and he left her last year to come bk over Xmas to tell her he’s moving out … this couple to everyone seemed like they had the strongest relationship I’ve ever seen. on fb they were entirely loved up , she was coming out singing his praises on nights out not so we knew nothing that was going on … we now cringe coz we used to say god she’s got nothing to worry about when it comes to him he’s going nowhere and little did we know he already was and they still painted the loved up smiles on their faces !!!

You never get the full picture !

In answer to your first question - I'm in love with my DH. We're older, and have been together a long time, but it's still how we both feel. I'm a bit surprised and saddened that some posters have said you can't be 'in love' when you're in a long relationship. Not my experience at all. I look forward to him coming home, and vice versa. We plan nice things together. Laugh loads. Complement each other. Enjoy sex together.

I've been unhappily married in the past, so I'm not being smug about it. I know there are a thousand ways of being unhappily married. But I also know that, i f you're with the right person, the love doesn't go, but it grows.

Looking at my siblings and closest friends, they all seem happy with their OH.

I often think that my relationship with DH is a much better example to our (now adult) blended DCs than my first marriage was. I want them to see that you should truly like, respect, enjoy being with, enjoy the person you commit to.

I'm very much in love with my DP and I know that a lot of couples I know seem to be bogging a long a little. I still get excited about him coming home, he still struggles to get up in the morning (I WFH) because he can't let go of cuddling me. I know we probably sicken some people lol and I know that maybe some people think it's for show but honestly we both just feel so genuinely content and happy and like we really were made for each other. I've never had that before and neither has he that whole someone being your best friend and your lover and your life partner and just everything all in one. I remember everyone kept saying 'ah wait til the honeymoon phase passes' a few years back...still going strong and that's with A LOT of life's trials and tribulations thrown our way.

My DH and I are still very much in love after all these years and I still sometimes get the fluttery feels when I see him. We still find each other very attractive and have quite a lot of sex. Looking back, neither of us ever properly grew up and I think it's kept our marriage feeling lively and fun. It helps that we have the same sense of humour and can end up helplessly laughing together. We have adult children who often seem much more grown up than us.

I'm very grateful to have what we have. I would be miserable just mooching alongside a husband I only tolerated.

I’m 50 (Dh 51) and we’ve been together since I was 17, although have known each other since we were 12. We have had some big ups and downs over the years and the last few years have been particularly tough but we’ve gone through it all together. There have been times when I’ve wanted to rip his head off but no relationship is perfect and luckily, those moments are few and far between and I dare say he’s felt that way about me sometimes. I do absolutely love him. We spend most evenings together and I look forward to every evening. I have a stressful life right now and he is my calm, sounds cringy but he is home to me. Most of our friends have been together from a young age and are all together still (I imagine they are all happy but you never can really tell!). I know many couples (including my in laws) who were very happy all of their married lives.

I'm unhappy in my relationship. Very unhappy, I'd say 10% happiness if that. Years of resentment, we argue, families don't like each other, he's selfish but thinks I am, we sleep in separate beds. You name it. I think I am unusual though, I don't talk about it much IRL.
I'm only late 30s. I know lots of very happy couples my age and those in their 40/50/60s. If any are unhappy they hide it well.
Not sure where I went wrong, but I chose the wrong person for sure. I'm sure my partner feels the same about me. I know the feeling of dread when he comes home, trying to avoid him, feeling peace when he isn't there - all too well.
I believe love exists and I still hope to find it one day.
The relationships that last the test of time from what I can see are ones were they laugh together, keep talking and compromise.

Oh, and the one couple I know who were publicly all over each other and referred to each other as "my gorgeous wife/husband" to other people, split up because he had been having an affair for a year behind her back with someone from work.

Depressing really!

This time last year I left a miserable relationship of 16 years, the first six were OK but the remainder of that time was a downward slope, sadly I laboured on thinking that things might improve but they just got worse, his drinking and abuse eventually got too much and I left, relationships I've had prior to this weren't much better, now at 58 I've decided I'm better off alone as I'm tired of the drama, I don't know anyone who is 'loved up' and I've resigned myself to 'singledom' as I believe that 'falling in love' is a transient thing, not long term.

I am 45 (male) and in love with my female best friend who is 32. I have been for months and she has recently split up with her abusive boyfriend. He threatened her with a knife over Xmas.

I would do anything for her and she is special to me.

I am in love with DH but reality with young children does mean a lot of our time is spent on tasks and child related activities and this does not lead us to a place of joyous union but to a place of getting through the day. At our best we support each other well, at other times we bicker and moan as it’s tiring and stressful sometimes. However when we do get time as a couple we genuinely get on, he makes me laugh, we fancy each other and we still have a good sex life (after 20 yrs together). Couples I know…in the “young children” phase I think most are similar to us, yes women often moan together about their husbands but so far 90% of that is light hearted. The couples I know who have split actually have been the child free ones and split probably as they got married fast and then realised they didn’t actually like each other that much.

Some of these posts are actually quite depressing.

I am completely head over heels for my husband and he is for me. We are in love. Yes the giddy feeling of falling in love is gone (is that what someone meant when they referenced teenagers) but what is left is love. I genuinly love seeing him and spending time with him, even doing silly or boring things with him.

Im sure most couples do go through a period where you think "we should work harder" or "we need more date nights" but that's love as well because if you didnt love them you wouldnt try. I think we will still be in love for the rest of our lives and we are far past the honeymoon stage already.

We do lots together but also separately and have our own hobbies and friends.

I'm not saying this to boast or being patronising but if you want more (and you deserve more) then either try and fix it or leave- life is too short.

25 years and I am absolutely in love with my husband. I couldn't imagine a life in which I felt indifferent or worse toward him.

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into the room and smile at you. Love is being able to sit together quietly, because you don't need to make conversation just because they are there."

10% ...maybe 15%.

And of course of those relationships, 90% will end.

Happiness is a temporary state. Love...maybe not so much, but somewhat. Also, even if it lasts- love isn't enough on its own.

Thats not a reason to settle for shit relationships though. It's a reason to stay single and love your in self, time and company unless you find someone you utterly adore and should that adoration fade, simply move on.

We're not living in a Disney film. Partners are simply a form of good company. You make eachothers lives a little brighter and more enriched. Until they don't. Then you walk away.

Don't look for forevers. All thatll do is tie you into things that should not last.

Married 26 years. Yes very happy. He’s the person I’d most like to spend time with. He is one of 3 brothers, all still long term happy marriages. I am one of 3 siblings, one of them is divorced the other happily married.
Im sorry you feel that way OP, that’s very sad.

Love and relationships are so nuanced. I’ve had 4 serious relationships including a 20 year marriage. Every love, every relationship was a different kind of love. I would have defended that love and the relationship because of loyalty and because I loved them. I’m 50 now and have found a favourite, warm, comfy cardigan kind of love that I feel secure in. It’s taken me a long time to find but I’m actually not sure that it is the kind of love that I would have wanted to fall into when I was 20. I needed healing and this love has soothed me. When I was 20, I wanted fun, friendship and excitement.

You are right OP not to end up like the lady in the chemist. That’s loyalty, not love. My aunt is in that relationship and stays because, yes, she loves him and doesn’t have the courage to leave though she’s talked about it for years.