Husband isn't in love with me anymore. I'm devastated.

[Kimcatiko]

My husband told me he loves me, but isn't in love with me anymore. I've asked him if he still wants to try and work through things and he doesn't want to. I'm devastated. I'm still in love with him the same way as I was when we met.

We've been together almost 15 years, married for 2 and have an 11 month old son. I feel as though I've been blind to this. He told me he was unhappy a few months ago, but wasn't open to counselling, individual or couples. He suddenly stopped being intimate with me. I said to him he didn't even try to stay connected, and he said he just didn't want to. I had refrained from looking at his phone, but since he has said he doesn't want to work on things I decided to have a look. There was nothing on there that I could find and he said he hasn't met anyone else.

I look back on texts from the summer and see how loving he was, remember how loving he was and just feel as though maybe I did something wrong. I also don't know what to do. I never envisioned a life without him, there were still many things I wanted to do with him. He was my best friend. My mum and sister keep saying he needs to leave and I know he does, but I also don't want him to. I feel so pathetic. Any advice would be appreciated...

I’m so sorry op. There will be someone else, they just haven’t come out of the woodwork yet. It’s over. Get paperwork in order and get a lawyer. Sounds like you have support from your mum and your DSis and that’s great. Stay strong - been there, it’s shit, but you will come out the other side.

I’m afraid he’s met someone else. That he’s done it while you have such a young child is abhorrent. Sadly, not uncommon. It’s so easy for men to just walk away.

I'm sorry. I'd bet money on there being someone else.

Don’t blame yourself OP. I spent two weeks doing just this when my then husband announced out of the blue that he was unhappy and left. I got the I love you but I’m not in love with you line too. Our DC was 5 months old.

A fortnight later a lady who we both knew knocked the door to tell me that he’d been having an affair with someone from the gym. Everything fell into place from that point. Needless to say I filed for divorce and it’s given me a second chance at a great life that I could never have had with him.

it’s hell but you will come through the other side.

I am truly sorry for what is happening. It unfortunately is quite common after the birth of a child. They realise the impact it has on the relationship and seek the attention elsewhere. It happened to 2 good friends of mine both before the babies 1st birthdays. You have amazing support from your family and you will need this now. I know you are desperately trying to hang on to your marriage and quite rightly looking at ways to survive this. It is not going to happen and you will need to be very brave and let him go. There will be another lady in the pipeline but thats not what you need to focus on now. You need to start forging a new life without him and co parent as best as possible. It isn't going to be easy and you will be very sad for a while but you will then pick up the pieces to your life eventually.

I second the he’s met someone else too. It’s horrible especially with such a young baby. Unfortunately men need attention and when the baby comes along they look for it elsewhere. I’ve only just found out my H has been having affairs on and off since I was pregnant with my second baby she’s 8 now! It’s horrific when you found out and you question absolutely everything. Tell him to leave and get in contact with a solicitor. You will feel better know time I’m nearly 4 months in now and can see now who he truly was. Good luck and get as much support as you possibly can x

There is definitely another woman involved. I'm very sorry, op.

You can't make him stay with you.

But he can't just walk away from your child, well I guess he could but he still has to financially provide.

So what are you going to do OP?

I would advise you change your loyalties from your husband to your child.

So you could ask H how he thinks the split will work, many men try the 50/50 to not pay you maintenances but that 50/50 means dropping to you in morning so you still have to do nursery/school run and collecting after their working day, meaning you still have to do school/nursery pick up. So don't fall for that, 50/50 means 50% of all child costs, winter coats, school trips, uniform, the lot, get this legally drawn up and 50/50 means 50% all day, each week, all holidays.

Just be aware, he might play on your love for your child to enable him to be 50/50 Disney dad, continue to earn what he does, get promoted, whilst you end up financially stunted. Or he pays you decently to provide a decent, loving home for your child.

You need to put a business head on OP.

Don't play your cards out in the open.
He will play on your weaknesses if he can.

He might then "decide" he wants to stay and try and make the marriage work. If that happens at that point, if you want to, you put a list of what he needs to agree to for you to even consider that.

And again don't agree to anything straight away. Say you need to sleep on "x" whatever X is.

My ExH left when I was 8.5 months pregnant with our second child.

He swore blind there was no one else.

There was.

So sorry OP 💐

This is such good advice.

Oh dear. Yes, there will be someone else. He's not necessarily having an affair, but there will be someone on his mind and a grass is greener scenario.

If he wants to go, let him go and make sure you and your children get the best arrangements possible.

There will be another woman. Men do not come out with this out of the blue. Work or hobby colleague?

Do you have access to his phone or is he being protective of it? Is he working longer hours or unaccountable for periods of time?

Any other suspicious behaviour?

Start getting your financial ducks in a row. You're in the dark, he is already several steps ahead of you, no doubt planning and scheming. Big girl pants on, keep calm and do some investigating.. your family are correct. So sorry OP.

Listen to these wise words

Happened to me at 7months pregnant

I hung in there too long afterwards hoping to reconcile

He is now having a baby with her!

So you want the financials all sorted before anything like that could happen

I hope you are ok
It is a shock and can be hard to read what’s on here but it is good advice

Check his car I’m betting he has another phone , he’s got another woman,

I’m sorry to hear this OP.

There may be an OW or there may not be.
As there’s no evidence of one then I wouldn’t drive yourself mad thinking about it.

He has told you that he has checked out of the relationship - that isn’t going to change.

Now you need to decide what’s best going forward and how you can separate with as little impact as possible.

I would start by sitting him down and explaining that you are unhappy with the decision but you will come to terms with it eventually and that it is best that he moves out so you can start that process.

Just take it one step at a time and there’s no need to think too far in the future.

It's very common for this type of scenario to reveal that a partner has someone else. Check out the affair script. My ex H said very similar words. I then discovered his infidelity. But it will drive you mad trying to uncover more and more evidence. I let it drag on for far too long (he promised to stop it and didn't or re-started it) and I wish I'd just ended things earlier and not wasted so much time. Do some research into how you stand financially etc (without him knowing). Things will get better but they are likely to get worse first unfortunately. I hope you have some real life support.

Yes, same here, although it was a woman at work. Killed myself those 2 weeks trying to be 'better' for him but as soon as I found out about the affair his bags were packed and the marriage was over.

It might not be another woman op but do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life with someone who says they are not in love with you anymore?

‘Love you but not in love with you’ is the first line of The Script. There is another woman. In your shoes I’d act quickly - ask him to leave, gather together key documents, and consult a solicitor. Negotiate childcare arrangements. Do all this quick and do it assertively and decisively. This will focus his mind on whether or not he really wants to go. If he does he was going to do it anyway.

Get all the important paperwork to a relatives house who you trust, savings accounts, your passport, anything official get it out now before he does.

There's always another woman, dh's friend walked out on his dw and three kids and a few weeks later was with another woman he swore he'd just met but she was a divorcee with a house paid off and he was about to go bankrupt so it was all very convenient for him. Then he got into debt to reduce the amount he had to give her.

He'll have a second phone.
Start the process of emotionally detaching yourself from him. He doesn't deserve you.
Wishing you all the best. 💪

Welcome to “The Script”, OP.
It’s a tale as old as time.

This! Force yourself to detach emotionally it’s extremely hard but necessary 💪💪

Stay strong, it doesn’t deserve you or the baby! Loser x

Not really any advice to give, sorry.
But a colleague of mine once said "if someone doesn't want to be with you, why on earth would you want to be with them"

Look after yourself OP x

So sorry op it's likely he has another woman. Happened to me when my ds was just turned 1. His ex girls came out of the woodwork.