New Fab & Glam (Part 3 - The Quest Continues!)

[Paddlechick666]

Here we go ladies!

Thanks HW, that really helps. Thank you xx

And I think you're spot on with the fact that it makes you feel like they have more 'power' in that your H is sharing things with them that you don't know

I do think you're also right about it easing the guilt in terms of
OW - 'well I wasn't the one to break up his marriage as he's always been like this'
H - 'well my marriage has always been bad so I don't feel as guilty for what I'm doing'.

LOL @ HW! You are so right, they do have empty minds but, because our minds are so full and intelligent we make the mistake of assuming they are the same. Hence the reason we over estimate them and give them so much power. We put them on such high pedestals but, when they fall off why the hell do they have to land on us!!!

Have a great weekend everyone.

I'm off to get ds and have a weekend of bob the builder, the wiggles and total chaos

Thanks again for your support today everyone xx

You make me laugh too TFM. Its not so much the landing on us it is the fact that we end picking up all the pieces of their lives (bills children ect.) that is the sad fact in all this.

Yes HW, you are right again! Pretty dumb for intelligent women aren't we!

If I had my time over again, I would still be a woman but, I would live like a man! Selfish, self centred and suffer from depression when I wanted a cop out!

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TFM you are great! I've been in bed with flu/cough/sore throat and everything else you can think of since Friday and I've just caught up with this. I just choked on my coffee when I read your snoring joke.
Baffy at H ... and as for her, well just shows what a dirty little tart she is doesn't it. You really are well rid!
Hope everyone else is OK and managed to enjoy the sunshine today. I'm gutted to have been ill in bed on the first really nice day of the year

Awh bless you Ginnedup!

I hope you are feeling better now. It's going to be a nice day tomorrow too so you can make up for lost time.

Now, when DP starts snoring, should the balls be moved to one side to avoid further brain damage

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Baffy BUT and how bizarre same here - OW told me that H had cheated on me before and regaled me with tales of such and details - I also had never thought he has he denied it adamantly said she made it up..but yet another thing which makes me doubt our whole "life" together before Another totally screwed up little cow

Hello all, sorry it's been a while since I've been on here have been having BT problems again

PC and Baffy, so sorry that things have not improved for you both. I can't belive that the people you married and loved so much are treating you this way Have been thinking of you, and both of you feel free to contact me anytime you have my details!! xx

Dior, was great to catch up with you earlier, glad you are ok. Am definately up at Mum's for Easter weekend so hope to arrange to meet again, will chat about it next time I speak to you.

Everyone else big hello and hope you're ok. Can't belive we are on part 3 too, it's so good having you all as friends

I don't think I am going to be able to make the 16th as I am already driving up to my Mum's the following weekend with dc's and it's the travel and cost that is a worry not to mention a 14 hour round trip in the car with kids lol. I would so love to meet you all tho so I will think about it some more...

I have been thinking wrt to the 'other' ow that the cheating husbands seem to now have, when the ow tells us we should just laugh and just say - you silly woman you fell for that too and then say well it must be true i have never known him to lie, and then say well if it is true I am so sorry but i am sure even you could do so much better, and then walk away.

I think it is just one more wicked way they can try and make us look as if we have been fools for a long time. Why when they have already caused so much pain would they want to twist the knife. Well we know that now - they have such low morals already.

But then again we dont have to sink to their levels and that will drive them just as mad. .

Hope you all enjoying the sunshine eveyone and it helps to make you all feel a little better

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Hi guys

This will have to be brief (ish )as bit busy today but have to tell you all so you can get your virtual slaps ready!!

That stuff last week about OW - pah! That's nothing!

Very brief version. H was starting to realise what he'd lost and we had some brief conversations about the chance of trying again. I saw some glimmers that we may get through this. And H started to see it too

What I didn't know, is that he never ever broke up with OW. Ever! He just got better at hiding it.

He didn't go away alone. He took her away! The b*stard borrowed money off me while he was away too! And I gave it to him!

He finished with OW yesterday. And yet again, we all know the story! She called me and told me everything to get her revenge.

(She's changed her number. Had memorised mine. So when I answered I had no idea it was her.)

It's all fallen into place. DS said to me the other day that he went to see 'the lady' in the hospital. He was also on his pretend phone and saying it's 'the lady'. Apparently, H only ever let ds call her 'the lady' because he knew that if ds knew her name he'd tell me and blow them up!

She's been almost living at his flat.

When I dropped ds there at christmas she was hiding in the back room!

So now I'm back to square one. This is the girl who smashed H's car up last time she got angry, punched H in the face last week when they had a fight, took an overdose last week (hence the hospital visit) - and he wonders why I won't accept him seeing her while ds is around!!!!!

He's dragged everyone into it. People I thought were my friends. His dad. They all lied to my face. For months All to cover so that he could continue to see this complete nutter! She's met his family. Was with him at new year. And they all covered for him!!!!

I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore.

I know I know. It's my own fault for being to nice. I shouldn't have trusted him. I know I'm a complete and utter mug and my faith in him is what's allowed him to now be doing this to me for 18 months. I have nobody but myself to blame.

I'm strangely calm. Actually feel better in some ways. Perhaps it was the kick I needed!
I've stopped his access to ds while I figure out what to do. I can't risk her kicking off in front of ds (he'd be terrified) and I can't trust the people like my FIL (who I'd have trusted with my life ) to tell me the truth and keep ds safe. They've all let me down.

So here's chapter 4267534 in how Baffy has messed up yet again!!!

So go on... hit me!!

Not a chance! No slaps for you, no blame, no 'told you so's', nothing but a big hug and more support.

I think you maybe feel calm and better for kowing because, you half expected it anyway. I think deep down you never really believed the words that were coming out of his mouth, that you always had your suspicions. You just so wanted to believe him because you still love him. All this has just validated what you suspected so in a way, its like a weight has been lifted.

He just digs himself further and further into the deep hole doesn't he. The plonker!!

No one is going to think ill of you for giving your all, absolute everything to save your marriage. Don't be so hard on yourself xx

Thank you

I was expecting it, you're right. That's the thing. I did want to trust him more than anything. But in the back of my mind I was just waiting for the next installment.

The weight has well and truly been lifted as I don't have to agonise anymore over how I would cope if we were back together. I wanted it so much. But I just didn't know how I would deal with it in reality as I don't know if I could bare to let him near me!

They've both taken that decision out of my hands

Onwards and upwards for me. This is just the start of my life. The old life was great while it lasted. The last 18 months has been nothing more than hell. And the rest of my life is now waiting for me! And I can't wait to get out there and find it!!

xx

Brilliant! You see, everything does happen for a reason! All the lies he has told, all the devious ways he has conned you, thinking he has you on side, it's all backfired on him, he has ended up doing you the biggest favour of your life. Not only has the line been drawn under everything, he has done it for you! What a twerp!

Yep!

Holy shit baffy! What a shock for you.
You've been thru so much and now to find out his family have been onside to it all.
I guess there is some relief in knowing the whole story now tho. Even if there might be details you don't still have they're not even relevant anymore.
Know what you mean about not being sure you could carry on if it was on the cards. Have felt the same.
I too wonder what I don't know. H moves into his new place today. Equi-distant to ow + ex but 90 mins from me + dd!
After some intensive 1:1 therapy with TFM +, on FB this weekend I find myself in a much better headspace.
I am in divorce mode now and I am taking control.
Fwiw, I think you,re doing the right thing in stopping access for the time being.
If he really has finished with her there's bound to be some fallout.
Call me anytime mate x

Thanks pc

Glad you're getting the support on FB - sorry I haven't been on, I have no computer at home at the moment. I promise I'll get on as soon as I can.

I know I'm probably still in that 'numb' phase of shock at the moment and I'm sure there will be some real emotion to follow for me. But I've never felt such relief in all these months. And that can only be a good thing.

I'm just so confused over ds. H, for all his faults, is such a good dad. I'd never take that away from him. But I just could not rest easily sending ds off to be with him right now. Ds has never witnessed anger/agression on the level that OW displays and I don't want that to change now! It's going to be the most difficult decision of my life.
I think supervised access is the way to go for now. But not sure how that will work as I don't want to be the one supervising as I can't bear to be in his company. And I can't trust his parents or family anymore. And I think my mum would chop his bits off if she saw him right now!
Will have to really think this one through.
I think I'll speak to my solicitor and take it from there.

Thanks for the support xx

Oh Baffy, I am so for you and at him. After all the agonising and leading you to believe he didn't know what he wanted, what an arse. And all to be with some complete loon by he sounds of it. He really doesn't deserve to be with someone as lovely as you.

But as you say I guess it's made you realise that now there is no going back you can gradually get on with the rest of your life without wondering what might happen wth him. I can totally understand your feelings about ds being around her, a difficult situtaion but I am sure you will do what feels right for you and ds. I know it's a different situtaion but my exH was asking me yesterday about his NW meeting our dc's and it just feels horrible. I would feel 1000 times worse tho if I found out that he'd done that behind my back as has been done to you.

Thinking of you lovely, sorry I haven't been around much lately xx

PC am glad that you are in a better place now and sorry I haven't been able to help more. Hope to chat to you on MSN soon xx

Thanks SG

It's the stupid things that bother me. The fact that I gave him that money when it was away and affectively paid for him to take her on holiday. Her hiding away in the bedroom. Getting ds to call her 'the lady' - how dare they drag him into their sick world

The affair/sex part doesn't even bother me anymore.

I guess in the scheme of things that's because it's the least of my worries!