Friend doesn't see me as a dateable person

[somesadcrush]

I was really happy today because I had a message from a guy I like, you know how it is, it's so exciting when you realise someone might like you back etc. (emphasis very much on "might"). Well, about an hour ago I phoned my friend to discuss the message and I was expecting her to be happy for me. Instead she got really worked up and just acted as though the message from the guy was ridiculous but also scary and something to be worried about, i.e. she didn't see that he might be interested in me at all. She just said things like "well, that's very worrying" and "I'd be very careful" and her tone of voice was almost angry. I mean, sure be careful, but what a strange way to react to your friend telling you about something possibly happening with someone they've met.

Her reaction has absolutely floored me but it's made me realise she doesn't see me as someone that a man might be interested in at all, her bizarre reaction showed that. I don't have a history of getting involved with strange men or anything. All I can think is that as I've been single for a long time now, she just sees me as someone who no-one is interested in. Which, while I am single, isn't the case. I'm not good-looking but I get my fair share of men interested in me for my age etc.

Absolutely stumped with this one but it's really brought me down and made me think, "Wait, maybe I am this eternally single person". But it's almost made me think that I don't know if I should be friends with someone who sees me as someone who no-one would be interested in.

What a bizarre thing to happen 😕 Welcome any insight into this! I'm not sure what on earth just happened!

I missed out the word "agitated", that I've just thought of to perfectly describe her reaction 🙃

Is she single OP?

Yes, she is. That's her choice, though, she's good-looking with a good personality, I'm sure she could be in a relationship if she wanted but she doesn't seem to mention men in that way except very rarely.

I’d drop the friend if she cannot be happy for you. I have a lot of experience with people who react like this and they aren’t great people. She doesn’t sound like a ‘friendable’ person if she’s getting worked up about a guy sending you a message, she should be happy for you. Did she elaborate on why she thinks you need to be ‘careful’? She actually sounds extremely jealous and trying her best to stop you from being happy by purposely making you feel like shit if I’m honest.

Can you tell us exactly what the message from the man said? It might give us clues as to her reaction. I wouldn’t suddenly jump to the conclusion that she thinks you’re undateable!! That’s a stretch.

We need to know what he said 😀

He suggested going for coffee sometime (I don't drink) and ended with an emoji which was what made me think "hmm"! Could be reading too much into it, though.

Sounds like she's worried she'll lose you if you have a relationship

I can't see how you went from her being cautious to her thinking you are undatable.

I reacted similarly with a friend once, the message was creepy and she couldn't see it

I think you need to simply trust your own judgment here, and have faith in it.

You think you're datable. You think he might be flirting. You think your friend's being weird.

Her opinion doesn't trump yours. Does it? If it does, you need to ask yourself why. Who is she, to think she knows better than you, about your own life?

@Hillrunning She used exactly the word "creepy" too! You're not her, are you? 😅

What was the emoji?

I read this was she was more concerned about the guy than you

But my feeling is she called him creepy because she doesn't think he might be interested in me or I in him, i.e. she sees me as a sort of asexual being!

We might need the wording of the message in order to offer informed advice. Maybe there's something she's seeing that you're not?

Sorry and how did you meet this man op?

Ha no, this was years ago. But it was more the context. Her message was from someone who had just interviewed her for a job. She hadn't even heard back on if she got it and this guy had the galll to send a suggestive text to her. And she thought it was jsut the most exciting thing ever

I’d assume she called him creepy as she thinks he is.

why does her telling uou to be careful and pointing out some randoms a creep mean she thinks you’re undateable?

have you maybe got all a bit over excited as some bloke asked you for coffee?

Drop the friend. I had one who acted like this to ANY good news, if i got remotely close to anyone she would come at me with tales of how bad they were, hell she even tried to get me to leave my husband (her hubby divorced her wise man ) Turned out after a while I clicked she was a total Narc and the fact my good news or new friend may remove my availability to be her supply, she may loose my constant attention that she demanded, the validation and confidence boost I gave her - I distanced myself and the smear campaign began as predicted.

um Do you not think you need some more info? 🤣

@Thestagshead Maybe 🥺😟

You have made the jump that she thinks this man is creepy to ‘friend must think I am undateable. But I don’t see that at all.

She might be over reacting think the man is creepy (you seem to be avoiding saying what emoji and what he said) but that doesn’t mean she think he is creepy simply because he is interested in you.

Does she know him? Maybe she knows something you don’t?

Sorry, missed off quote:

@Thestagshead have you maybe got all a bit over excited as some bloke asked you for coffee?

Maybe 🥺😟

I mean, why would it be "worrying" for someone to invite you for coffee? Maybe it's actually welcome if you clicked?

What was the exact wording?
And the emoji?