Friend doesn't see me as a dateable person

[somesadcrush]

I was really happy today because I had a message from a guy I like, you know how it is, it's so exciting when you realise someone might like you back etc. (emphasis very much on "might"). Well, about an hour ago I phoned my friend to discuss the message and I was expecting her to be happy for me. Instead she got really worked up and just acted as though the message from the guy was ridiculous but also scary and something to be worried about, i.e. she didn't see that he might be interested in me at all. She just said things like "well, that's very worrying" and "I'd be very careful" and her tone of voice was almost angry. I mean, sure be careful, but what a strange way to react to your friend telling you about something possibly happening with someone they've met.

Her reaction has absolutely floored me but it's made me realise she doesn't see me as someone that a man might be interested in at all, her bizarre reaction showed that. I don't have a history of getting involved with strange men or anything. All I can think is that as I've been single for a long time now, she just sees me as someone who no-one is interested in. Which, while I am single, isn't the case. I'm not good-looking but I get my fair share of men interested in me for my age etc.

Absolutely stumped with this one but it's really brought me down and made me think, "Wait, maybe I am this eternally single person". But it's almost made me think that I don't know if I should be friends with someone who sees me as someone who no-one would be interested in.

What a bizarre thing to happen 😕 Welcome any insight into this! I'm not sure what on earth just happened!

I'd bet that either she likes him, he has come on to her at some point or they have some history, or she doesn't want to lose her single pal.

@Worriere She hasn't met him, I'm 100% sure of that.

Is this the bloke you were posting about having a crush on last week? Because he does sound creepy and not good news if you’re looking for anything more than a shag, and you were very very invested in him, even thinking you were falling in love with him when you haven’t a clue if he’s even interested.

I can’t work out if you are naive or obtuse or determined for her to be wrong.

Doesn’t sound like she said he was creepy because he invited you to coffee. She thinks he is creepy because of his message.

Any chance she's gay and has feelings for you?

Not on my past experience 😂

God I hate it when posters are deliberately obtuse.

OP you had the converstion with her, what did she say when yoy asked why she thought the bloke was creepy?

Was it an🍆?

OP from this and your other post about inaccessible men I personally think you should avoid men and dating for a while and build yourself some self esteem. You sound a lot like a love sick teenager and it could very well all end in a lot of embarrassment.

You’ve only been single for a year why would she think you were some sort of spinster?

have you been talking about this guy to her? Maybe she’s spotting some red flags that you aren’t

I mean if it was like let’s have coffee 🍆 🍑 🐳she may have a point? We need specifics!

My friend was like this towards me when I was 13. It suited her to put me down and position herself as the popular one, boosted her own ego. I ditched her as a friend even though they were in short supply. That behaviour is shit as a teenager, disgraceful as an adult. She’s no friend of yours OP.

If he just asked you for coffee plus an emoji, then the only way that could be creepy is who he is / how you met him (eg he was a nurse doing your smear or has a dodgy social media profile) or the emoji was an eggplant. Or maybe a wink. 😆

Either of those apply?

lol no

@Hillrunning Well, it just turned into a back and forth with me saying there was nothing weird about it and her saying it was so I changed the subject and then ended the phone call (because I genuinely had to go).

There's nothing dodgy about how or know him, or even about him as far as I know. He's a great guy! Kind and funny.

A few people are mentioning school and teenagers and, yes, it does feel like being in school again. Which is very strange at my age! That's not a good sign so maybe I'd better leave things be for now.

No 🍆s, no 😉s.

Why won’t you say what the emoji was?! Key information.

I don't think she thinks that at all

some people form odd views. Some of my friends considered me to be too "vulnerable" to date at various points. Or could it be that she knows something about him that worries her? Though she should just tell you.

She just said things like "well, that's very worrying"

what did she think was very worrying?

her tone of voice was almost angry.

maybe she was feeling anger towards the man rather than you?

What was the emoji?

Yes.

Could it be that she’s interested in him? Or maybe he’s expressed interest in her, or invited her out, or maybe even more than that? Sounds like the kind of reaction someone would have if that were the case. Maybe keeping it under wraps? Is any of that a possibility?

Is this the bloke you thought you were in love with at Christmas and poster about. Who is a friends ex?

I have a bad feeling your friend is right,

Or, she knows something about him that you don’t know

Or of course you kmow there Is a back story and he really is a creep

OP GO ON THE COFFEE DATE! Ignore your friend, ignore MN accusing him of being creepy with no context. You’ve got nothing to lose, you are excited and enjoying your interaction with him so live in the moment!