Friend doesn't see me as a dateable person

[somesadcrush]

I was really happy today because I had a message from a guy I like, you know how it is, it's so exciting when you realise someone might like you back etc. (emphasis very much on "might"). Well, about an hour ago I phoned my friend to discuss the message and I was expecting her to be happy for me. Instead she got really worked up and just acted as though the message from the guy was ridiculous but also scary and something to be worried about, i.e. she didn't see that he might be interested in me at all. She just said things like "well, that's very worrying" and "I'd be very careful" and her tone of voice was almost angry. I mean, sure be careful, but what a strange way to react to your friend telling you about something possibly happening with someone they've met.

Her reaction has absolutely floored me but it's made me realise she doesn't see me as someone that a man might be interested in at all, her bizarre reaction showed that. I don't have a history of getting involved with strange men or anything. All I can think is that as I've been single for a long time now, she just sees me as someone who no-one is interested in. Which, while I am single, isn't the case. I'm not good-looking but I get my fair share of men interested in me for my age etc.

Absolutely stumped with this one but it's really brought me down and made me think, "Wait, maybe I am this eternally single person". But it's almost made me think that I don't know if I should be friends with someone who sees me as someone who no-one would be interested in.

What a bizarre thing to happen 😕 Welcome any insight into this! I'm not sure what on earth just happened!

Sounds like she’s not happy about something- but it’s a giant stretch to suggest she thinks you’re undateable. Maybe she prefers you single like her. Maybe she’s feeling very anti-men in general. Maybe she’s scared of losing your friendship if you couple up. Lots of more plausible explanations, I’d say.

On a complete side note, my autocorrect does not like the word “undateable”. It kept correcting it to insatiable - which is an entirely different conversation 😂

You mentioned your age in your OP. Is this man much younger than you are? Could she be worried he's fetishising you and therefore a creep?

🍌
k, good luck…

you do know you’ve written a complete story about your friend’s meaning, practically created out of whole cloth?

you could simply have asked her what she meant.

Then you refuse to acknowledge about the emoji. It all seems rather childish

She doesn't think you're undateable, she's just being negative as she doesn't want to lose her fellow single friend.

Another thing I've noticed in my near 40 years is that some people just love catastrophising or eagerly anticipating impending disaster. Maybe it makes them feel like they're on the moral or intellectual high ground. Sometimes, however, it's worth taking the bull by the horns and making stuff happen in your life. This is true of jobs and careers, social life as well as romantic and intimate life. What's the worst that can happen? Maybe you won't like him that much, or he has features that are offputting, in which case it's possible to back out of further invitations, surely?

Clearly it was the emoji that prompted your friend's warning.

How difficult would it have been to screenshot the message and show it in the post? The fact that you didn’t and haven’t even said what emoji was used indicates to me you have possibly made the whole thing up or your friends is right. Either way you don’t appear to have good judgement.

No idea why you've dragged this thread up again.
Everyone was fixated on the emoji, totally missing the point that was about the dynamic of our friendship.

@Downunderduchess How difficult would it have been to screenshot the message and show it in the post?

It wouldn't have been hard at all but no way would I betray someone's privacy like that. I'd hope no guy I was messaging would be screenshotting my messages, either.

BTW everyone: there was no emoji; I changed a few details to stay anonymous. It was actually "xx". So there.

*screenshotting and posting online

I didn’t realise how old the thread was until after I posted. It came up as a suggestion on another post I was reading.

Wait... all this drama over

"Shall we go for a coffee sometime? Xx"

Your friend is bonkers!

Plot twist. There was no emoji.

😢

‘So there’?

Is the problem that you are a child? And he is an adult?

A whole thread about something that didn't exist. 😬

Sorry but I honestly never imagined everyone would latch on to the (non-existent) emoji.

As the thread's been brought up again: I never went for coffee with him; I took into account a few messages on this thread about whether I am ready for a relationship rn. And my friend apologised the next day and said she'd been out of line, which made me think she probably had read the thread. I still don't know why she reacted that way but it's all forgotten.