What is this new behaviour all about!?!

[subtleartofnotgivingafuck]

Married 20 years. No major issues and no health issues. Good life, we share chores and tasks equally - happy household normally.

However, I have noticed over the last few months he has developed this insanely annoying habit or not contradicting me, but sort of correcting me. All the damn time. Now the below is going to sound petty because its only one or two – but trust me EVERYTHING I currently say gets a form of correction, adjustment or a clarification added and it getting really old. Some examples

Me: We have four black and white cats Him: Well, three. Cat 4 has a small grey patch.

Me: It rained yesterday Him: Except at 12 o’clock when the sun came out for a bit

Me: The PIL are coming up from Devon on Wednesday? Him: East Devon, midweek

Seems like nothing right? harmless..................... but he is doing all the time! Everything I say he manages to find a small correction, error or problem with and he points it out. This was the one that caused us to have a little bit of barny and he stopped doing for a few days but restarted about a week later.

Me: I filled up the car at lunch
Him: Mmmm it was at 1400, that is a bit later than lunch.
Me: Ok, why did It need the clarification?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: You could have just agreed, left it or said thank you – but instead you chose to point out an error in my timing
Him: It was correct though
Me: Was it necessary or polite?
Him: I don’t see the problem -it was correct
Me: But I am asking do you think it was necessary or polite? Even if it was correct.
Him: You are getting bent out of shape over nothing

argument commences

Anyone come across anything like this before? He has just done it now in a conversation about a bill I'm off to pay and it nearly drove me to scream. Please believe me, its become constant.

Nothing else has changed. He is loving, engaged and still does little things to make me happy. I am so confused. I am also finding its changing how I speak to him to try and avoid the correction I know is coming. Which makes me sound long winded and I still get a correction!

Me: We have four black and white cats, though one has a grey spot.
Him: and a dog

(Yes I am aware of the irony or my username and this little rant - I got the book in a vain attempt to Just ignore this change in behaviour)

There are things we just can't control and moving into the next phase of life (menopause) is just one of them.
As a woman we can only embrace it the best way you can and do what feels right for you, so if a make over gives you the tools and inclination to look at your (new) self differently then go with this and be the best version of you that YOU are happy with.

Regarding you DH, you have been together a long time, he is showing no other signs that anyone else has turned his head so let's presume they haven't and all that has happened is that he has taken on this annoying trait of correcting insignificant pieces of information when in conversation with you.

Deal with this separately to how you are feeling about yourself. I think there are two issues here that have woven together. I get it, I'm feeling frumpy and sometimes let my imagination run with thinking my DH must also see this and want better for himself. Then I have to remember that he is also of middle age and he is a man who wants an easy life now, winding down a bit as kids growing older, doing things for us/him rather than a family etc. so don't think anymore about the "ick"

But do speak with him and explain to him how what he is doing is making you feel like you're walking on egg shells around him and that can't carry on. If he doesn't see that he is doing this, then I agree with previous poster, make a standard remark to show when it happens so you both can hear how often it does.

My DH can sound like a grumpy old man (he's only 50!) but when he starts like that (kids treating house like a hotel kind of thing) I just remark that he's sounding like his dad again and it does get through to him without me having to get in to a conversation about it every time

There are things we just can't control and moving into the next phase of life (menopause) is just one of them.
As a woman we can only embrace it the best way you can and do what feels right for you, so if a make over gives you the tools and inclination to look at your (new) self differently then go with this and be the best version of you that YOU are happy with.

Regarding you DH, you have been together a long time, he is showing no other signs that anyone else has turned his head so let's presume they haven't and all that has happened is that he has taken on this annoying trait of correcting insignificant pieces of information when in conversation with you.

Deal with this separately to how you are feeling about yourself. I think there are two issues here that have woven together. I get it, I'm feeling frumpy and sometimes let my imagination run with thinking my DH must also see this and want better for himself. Then I have to remember that he is also of middle age and he is a man who wants an easy life now, winding down a bit as kids growing older, doing things for us/him rather than a family etc. so don't think anymore about the "ick"

But do speak with him and explain to him how what he is doing is making you feel like you're walking on egg shells around him and that can't carry on. If he doesn't see that he is doing this, then I agree with previous poster, make a standard remark to show when it happens so you both can hear how often it does.

My DH can sound like a grumpy old man (he's only 50!) but when he starts like that (kids treating house like a hotel kind of thing) I just remark that he's sounding like his dad again and it does get through to him without me having to get in to a conversation about it every time

Not sure why it's duplicated my post. I have reported it!!!

@subtleartofnotgivingafuck I don’t think you should automatically jump to blaming yourself here.

Unless your DH is prepared to accept that he’s doing it and try to understand the reasons behind it as well as being willing to discuss it with you then you can’t assume he’s got the ick.

I’m post menopause, I’ve got fat and I no longer look the way I did at 30. It happens to us all and men are not up immune from it either.

The nitpicking you described really reminded of an ex of mine. He would do the same to me because he was annoyed about something else (sometimes related to me, sometimes not) and it was his way of feeling as though he was expressing annoyance but without actually coming out and saying why he was annoyed. It was bloody infuriating and I pulled him up on it. Essentially, it was a control thing.

@Peridot1

Why yes, it was a car transporter and it crossed the central reservation shedding cars. I was very pleased to see that no one was hurt.

It was amazing nobody was badly hurt @subtleartofnotgivingafuck. People took hours to get short distances I believe.

You sound really lovely OP. We all get old and "portly", our appearance has nothing to do with our worth as human beings or spouses. I hope you find a way through.

Are you sure it wasn't a vehicle transporter and it traversed the central reservation?
(JK - that does sound horrific. Sorry to hear you're feeling so down OP).

@HyggeTygge

That made me really laugh (It was very accurate to!).

Thank you

I'm upset on your behalf now, OP. Is he a nice guy, overall?
Give it a few days, then ask for a bit of reassurance. Tell him you've started to worry about everything, and that when he contradicts you constantly you feel that he's bored and irritated by you, which is of course really upsetting.
Hopefully he'll reassure you if you make it about how you feel rather than his annoying behaviour.

Oh I feel for you @subtleartofnotgivingafuck . I’d also find it as irritating as hell, hurtful and ironically it might give me a bit of the “ick”. Being pedantic is not an attractive feature - though I struggle myself with the need to be “right” and often have to try to bite my tongue.

as others gave said, you do need to have an open and honest conversation. And let him know that this is a new, and frankly very hurtful, habit. Maybe he can practice pausing and asking himself “do I need to say this? what will it add to the conversation”.

I don’t think this on its own is evidence he’s got the ick. Maybe just late middle aged detail oriented man syndrome.

My DH has got more pedantic as he’s got older. If he tries to nitpick with me, I put on a nasal voice and reply, ‘I think you’ll find it’s 0.09mm rather than 10mm’ or whatever. 😂

I wouldn't take too much store with people saying he's got 'the ick' some people on here so love that expression and any chance to use it!
If this is the only behavioural change you've noticed, I'd be surprised if he had started it just because you look different. I'm guessing you've looked different for a while, while this is recent, plus, he's his usual self in other ways?
Its such an odd thing to suddenly start doing, I'd not even be attempting to guess the reasons. I'd ask him, every time he did it, why he felt the need, and not be fobbed off.

I mostly agree with this.

I don't think he has the Ick, but I do think his old man pendantic behaviour could indeed drive a woman mad and give her it.

You are very quick to be very hard on yourself!

I think there have been some good suggestions on how to respond to him in a humorous way that brings it to his attention.

You sound lovely OP and I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. You have had an argument with your DH about his nitpicking and it hasn’t produced a lasting result. You mentioned in your OP that it made you want to scream - that’s actually what I would do, very suddenly and loudly.

But I get the feeling that’s not an approach that would work for you so why not go with full on honesty - tell him that he’s affecting how you feel about yourself, that this sudden change is making you question yourself and his love for you. Burst into tears and let him see just how hurtful and damaging his little comments are to you.

Hope you’re ok @subtleartofnotgivingafuck