What is this new behaviour all about!?!

[subtleartofnotgivingafuck]

Married 20 years. No major issues and no health issues. Good life, we share chores and tasks equally - happy household normally.

However, I have noticed over the last few months he has developed this insanely annoying habit or not contradicting me, but sort of correcting me. All the damn time. Now the below is going to sound petty because its only one or two – but trust me EVERYTHING I currently say gets a form of correction, adjustment or a clarification added and it getting really old. Some examples

Me: We have four black and white cats Him: Well, three. Cat 4 has a small grey patch.

Me: It rained yesterday Him: Except at 12 o’clock when the sun came out for a bit

Me: The PIL are coming up from Devon on Wednesday? Him: East Devon, midweek

Seems like nothing right? harmless..................... but he is doing all the time! Everything I say he manages to find a small correction, error or problem with and he points it out. This was the one that caused us to have a little bit of barny and he stopped doing for a few days but restarted about a week later.

Me: I filled up the car at lunch
Him: Mmmm it was at 1400, that is a bit later than lunch.
Me: Ok, why did It need the clarification?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: You could have just agreed, left it or said thank you – but instead you chose to point out an error in my timing
Him: It was correct though
Me: Was it necessary or polite?
Him: I don’t see the problem -it was correct
Me: But I am asking do you think it was necessary or polite? Even if it was correct.
Him: You are getting bent out of shape over nothing

argument commences

Anyone come across anything like this before? He has just done it now in a conversation about a bill I'm off to pay and it nearly drove me to scream. Please believe me, its become constant.

Nothing else has changed. He is loving, engaged and still does little things to make me happy. I am so confused. I am also finding its changing how I speak to him to try and avoid the correction I know is coming. Which makes me sound long winded and I still get a correction!

Me: We have four black and white cats, though one has a grey spot.
Him: and a dog

(Yes I am aware of the irony or my username and this little rant - I got the book in a vain attempt to Just ignore this change in behaviour)

Oh. No. The "systems" will start soon. The plastic bags in coat pockets...

If it's a new thing I'd be worried about mine&his futures. There's always that point where the decline begins - this might be it.
Unless you're elderly... Let's just say, I wouldn't want to stay to find out what's next.
How old is he?

Though we have been together for 20 years we got together very young, so I am hoping this is not age related!

To those that have mentioned bringing it up, I have and it always goes down poorly. He genuinely things his additions are necessary.

A part of a conversation we have just had:

Me: Ok, will meet you there after work, about 1730 ish
Him: Normally its more between 1725/1735

Once again, he is correct, but 1730 is in the window and I know he would be there for 1725 anyway. So why the actual......

Doesn’t matter if it goes down poorly. His incessant nitpicking and pointless pedantry goes down poorly with you, and it originates with him.

The times the wanker he specifies are 7.30ish!

Fuck that. That would drive me wild. There’s no need.

It’s like trying to write a thread on mumsnet 😎

That would make my head explode. As my DDad might say ‘is he always so knowledgeable?!’

So basically, you are saying the exact same thing but he is only comfortable if the thing is said in the way HE prefers? Some of the other examples are more about adding additional detail.

Honestly, he's either sick and needs to see a doctor. Or he's decided that he hates you and therefore the smallest thing feels wrong to him. I know those both sound extreme.

I want to reiterate, this is the one issue. He is a lovely, caring and pretty wonderful husband otherwise. Its the fact its a very recent, but persistent behaviour that has made me mutter regularly WFTAF under my breath.

He has no family who do this, his Mum or Dad doesn't. To be fair his job involves being a nit-picker to a certain degree (it involves being very detail orientated and incredibly meticulous) - but he's been doing it for 15 years so I wouldn't expect a sudden change.

He sounds very bored with his life. Like he needs a hobby, which isn’t you or anything to do with you. Wfh, all men, homebody - this is what happens! Stuck in a rut, too comfortable, finding “interesting” shit where he can.

Bluntly: he needs to get out more.

I just couldn't do it, OP. How have you not headbutted him?

(Laugh like a toddler said something funny) "Yes, that's right dear" But in a manner that it is obvious you haven't really listened. {Or bury him under the patio}.

Pedantic Pete! I had one. The straw that broke the camels back was when I came home from work all jolly & said “how hot has it been today” & he went in to say “no, it’s been pleasant, hot is 35 & over”

From that day forward, I did it back! Every little thing, I corrected him. Soon stopped doing it.

What happens if you say for example - "you do know that 7:30ish and 7:25-735 ar pretty much the exact same thing. How, in your opinion, are they different?"

Would he have some long, boring but ultimately understandable reason? Or would he stand there looking like a dead fish? Or would he turn it into an attach on you?

My stepdad started doing exactly this when he was having an affair 😩

My ex used to independently verify anything I said, drove me fucking bonkers. He would either Google or if someone else said the same thing he would let me know that it was now a true fact not just something I had pulled out of my arse

I'd probably try, like you, to be mature about it and ignore for as long as I could, then I'd snap one day and when he did it I'd childishly shout "OH LOOK I'M WRONG AGAIN" and probably storm off. I don't really recommend this but I don't know if I could help myself.

Sounds like anxiety to me, like a type of perfectionist trait in attempt to relieve uncomfortable feelings of anxiety. Is he under any new pressure or stressors recently? Also sounds like a compulsion, again likely from anxiety. Maybe gently enquire if anything is going on at work/other family etc.

"He genuinely things his additions are necessary."
How can he? You said '1730ish'. ISH! That automatically means 'a few minutes either side'. So no, it wasn't necessary for clarity. That really only leaves 'necessary to assert myself' or 'necessary to have the last word' or some other sort of unnecessary necessary IYSWIM!

There seems to me to be two 'problems to solve' here - 1. Stop him doing it and 2. Find out why he is doing it.

So, stopping him doing it. I think BlackAmericanoNoSugar's suggestion looks like a good possibility, and you said earlier that "I am also finding its changing how I speak to him to try and avoid the correction I know is coming" so you might find this easy to implement:

Start every sentence with "Correct me if I'm wrong". So, "Correct me if I'm wrong, we have four black and white cats." "Correct me if I'm wrong, I filled up the car at lunchtime." The fact that you are telling him to do the annoying thing will highlight that he does it and it's probably just as annoying to him as his behaviour is to you.

If he asks you to stop saying "Correct me if I'm wrong" tell him that you'd be happy to stop so long as he stops correcting you unless there is an important reason to do so.
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Another possibility is to keep count of his corrections, audibly. So, the first time he corrects you, you respond with 'One', the second time 'Two' and so on. Make it absolutely explicit to him just how often he does this.

And then there's finding out why he is doing it.

It's new behaviour, which always implies that something has changed in him, something that wasn't present before.

There have been many suggestions of it being age-related, and although you consider him too young for this to be the case - it still might be. Some people are old in the head long before they're old in the body.

You've raised it with him and "it always goes down poorly" despite him being a "lovely, caring and pretty wonderful husband otherwise". So his need to correct still manages to override those qualities. A caring husband would not deliberately irritate his wife, and yet - he is doing that. So is he choosing to do that, or feeling some sort of compulsion to do it? Choosing - sadly, I'd be looking either for another woman or a mid-life crisis. Compulsion - you're back looking at some sort of medical reason, aren't you? Sorry, I'm no help at all here.

I'd apply myself to stopping him doing it, either with the 'correct me if I'm wrong' or an explicit verbal count of his corrections. Maybe it is just some verbal tic he can be trained out of?

Weird. I have no advice except maybe record him (with his permission) and use the conversations in a joint counselling session?

Ok, change of plan.

"Yes, that's what I said"

On repeat. Like a stick record.

Do a slow handclap

It’s his way of getting one-up on you, if putting you down, and of him trying to make you feel stupid so he feels better.

The question is, why would someone suddenly start doing this to someone they supposedly love?

Are you possibly perimenopausal OP? My OH has become an annoying fucker over the last few years although I'm pretty sure it's all stuff he always used to do (like breathe) it's just really irritating now! 😆

I agree with this approach. Keeping it friendly but making it clear that it matters.

Also with Kettricken’s comment If I were in your situation, I would set aside time for a serious chat, ask him to listen without interrupting OR CORRECTING, & then ask him "what has changed for you recently, because you didn't used to do this, & now it's constant."

I wouldn't phrase it as 'correcting' as that does suggest you have said something incorrect.
'Do you realise you dismiss the way I say something and say it in your own words even though at the level of detail required we are saying the same thing?'

Maybe he just heard '17.30' and homed in on the set figure, then clarifying that meant 17.25-17.35, which most people would assume from '17.30 ish'. Does he find it hard to understand what people assume? I know I sometimes struggle with that, I can't always tell what context someone else will read my posts in so I go over the top in providing context to my tone.