What is this new behaviour all about!?!

[subtleartofnotgivingafuck]

Married 20 years. No major issues and no health issues. Good life, we share chores and tasks equally - happy household normally.

However, I have noticed over the last few months he has developed this insanely annoying habit or not contradicting me, but sort of correcting me. All the damn time. Now the below is going to sound petty because its only one or two – but trust me EVERYTHING I currently say gets a form of correction, adjustment or a clarification added and it getting really old. Some examples

Me: We have four black and white cats Him: Well, three. Cat 4 has a small grey patch.

Me: It rained yesterday Him: Except at 12 o’clock when the sun came out for a bit

Me: The PIL are coming up from Devon on Wednesday? Him: East Devon, midweek

Seems like nothing right? harmless..................... but he is doing all the time! Everything I say he manages to find a small correction, error or problem with and he points it out. This was the one that caused us to have a little bit of barny and he stopped doing for a few days but restarted about a week later.

Me: I filled up the car at lunch
Him: Mmmm it was at 1400, that is a bit later than lunch.
Me: Ok, why did It need the clarification?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: You could have just agreed, left it or said thank you – but instead you chose to point out an error in my timing
Him: It was correct though
Me: Was it necessary or polite?
Him: I don’t see the problem -it was correct
Me: But I am asking do you think it was necessary or polite? Even if it was correct.
Him: You are getting bent out of shape over nothing

argument commences

Anyone come across anything like this before? He has just done it now in a conversation about a bill I'm off to pay and it nearly drove me to scream. Please believe me, its become constant.

Nothing else has changed. He is loving, engaged and still does little things to make me happy. I am so confused. I am also finding its changing how I speak to him to try and avoid the correction I know is coming. Which makes me sound long winded and I still get a correction!

Me: We have four black and white cats, though one has a grey spot.
Him: and a dog

(Yes I am aware of the irony or my username and this little rant - I got the book in a vain attempt to Just ignore this change in behaviour)

Could it be that you now look a bit younger/more with-it and he feels (subconsciously) threatened by that?

Maybe, but honestly, it was a surface change. Makeover does not change that I'm still a rather portly middle aged peri menopausal woman. 😆

I don't think he's had his head turned either- I think becoming pedantic is common in many men as they get older. Why ? I have no idea.

Pedantic, pompous and pontificating about things...
is that my husband you are describing?

poor children trying to listen to him drone on

Sounds like he has the ick.

My father is exactly like this. Though he has always been that way and is a well known nit pick, it got worse as he got older and also had a stroke 10 years ago.

He has quite poor social skills so really unable to see why this was annoying/inappropriate on his own. One time last year he corrected me/my mother a few times on a place name - we mentioned visiting an aunt in X, the province and he corrected us to visiting her in Y, the tiny village which is within X - later he heard my mother say "is there an easier route to X than taking the toll road?" he snapped at us telling us we are not going to X we are gping to Y! I calmly explained to him that getting things "wrong" is not rude but snapping and shouting at people is. I understand he needs things to be said and done "properly" however it is damaging relationships with people he loves and he had the choice to stop doing it and deal with the discomfort of biting his tongue, or being a grumpy snappy old man nobody wanted to be around. I pointed out he didn't do this with neighbours, friends or with people he wanted to be polite around so this proved he was able to choose when to turn it on and off.

To be honest it did make a difference. He has the emotional capacity of a 5yo boy so I talk to him like one sometimes and it helps.

Incredibly annoying, I think he is doing this on purpose, perhaps he is unhappy in the relationship, stop tolerating it.

I wonder if he’s trying to ‘put you in your place’ since the makeover if he didn’t like it. He might feel it’s somehow a threat and he has to feel in control again.

This is my impression. He saw the light in your eyes or something and is jealous he doesn’t inspire it anymore or something? Or feeling left out and past it himself.
Can you go out and have some fun?

Surely if you say ‘Correct me if I’m wrong…’ before everything you say, you are just inviting him to nitpick?

I’d be inclined to respond with ‘nitpicking again, dear’ every time he does it, but also try to find the cause.

It sounds as irritating as hell!

Unfortunately it sounds like he's irritated with you on a subconscious level and it's manifesting in this nitpicking behaviour. If it were me I'd want to pull him out on it and not let him throw it back on me as if I'm the one causing problems.

It really does sound like he's not happy though and I'd want to confront this head on.

My ex-FIL is a prolific mansplainer/lecture-giver, and my exh became more like that as he got older - but it wasn't a sudden change, you could see it coming / recognise the pattern looking back. This sounds like a faster change.

feeling left out and past it himself
Exactly, in comparison to a made-over you - even if you don't now look like a supermodel.
Has he had a big birthday lately/any other life events that might have reminded him of his age?

I would end up saying nothing. If he asks why you just tell him.

My DH recently (6 months) started doing the exact opposite. Confirming my statements in conversation with "I agree". He's lovely, he's not disagreeing with me yet I find it as annoying as fuck!

This comment upset me a lot. I kept coming back to it in my head all of yesterday. I got angry and I tried to dismiss it but it kept popping into my head all day.

Then late yesterday evening after I was dwelling on how waspish it was I realised why I hated this comment so much.

I feared in my heart it was true.

I was small, neat and petite all my life and then perimenopause hit me like a truck. Suddenly all the diet and exercise in the world didn’t help my middle aged thick waist. My skin went grey and lack lustre and my hair brittle and wiry. What was worse it seemed to happen very very quickly.

Whilst I just took it with aplomb and worked really hard to improve myself with this new set of challenges - I do wonder if DH suddenly sees a little old lady where his once adored wife once stood.

Op I hope you are okay.

I dont think its personal op, i agree with a pp that a lot of men get more pedantic as they get older. My dh doesn't correct me as such but anything I say he has to give me a lecture about. He has recently finished a course in social care, so he has lots of info at his fingertips unfortunately. So if I mention for example that a homeless person has died I get a lecture about the causes of homelessness etc. Even if I say something like its going to rain, I get a mini lecture about weather. I barely speak to him any more tbh.

@Gricheynewyear

Thank you for asking. I'm not ok. I will be ok, but right now I'm having a bit of a horrible revelation. Its like someone dumped me in a washing machine of emotion.

I don't know where to go with it either. From what I have read on here the 'ick' is not a recoverable situation. You also cant not get older (not to say I'm not working to make the best of what I've been given).

This is a no win situation.

I think that’s a really terrible female trait OP. To blame yourself when someone else does something annoying / hurtful. And to pick out the one unhelpful comment in a generally supportive and helpful thread.

It sounds like the OP is going to be getting the ick for DH if he carries on!

BitOutOfPractice

Normally I would agree with you! (and yes, the thread has been lovely - thank you everyone)

But in this case I think foremostwilly was actually right and hit the nail on the head.

The makeover was the trigger, but maybe not for the reason we though. I think it highlighted what I flippantly mentioned previously that after all they did as part of the makeover - it didn't really change anything. I was still a portly middle aged woman.

Don't take the focus off his behaviour, and how you feel about it. Even if you're right, and you might well not be, he married you. He's not supposed to be expecting you to stay 25 years old forever. If he can't handle you aging, he shouldn't have committed for life, should he?

You want to maintain a happy, healthy relationship. His behaviour has changed to something that bothers you. That's not your fault, even if you have changed physically.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad about the ‘ick’ comment. I wouldn’t be so sure he does have the ick. If you are peri menopausal he is of an age where some men become very pedantic. Maybe it’s their version! My DH has decided his role in life is to play Devil’s Advocate with me with a lot of things. It’s infuriating. I’ve ended up shouting that I am quite capable of seeing other sides and still feeling my point or view is valid. He also cuts me off and interrupts me constantly.

BTW I think we live in the same general area - I think that motorway accident was near us too. Car transporter jacknifed?