What is this new behaviour all about!?!

[subtleartofnotgivingafuck]

Married 20 years. No major issues and no health issues. Good life, we share chores and tasks equally - happy household normally.

However, I have noticed over the last few months he has developed this insanely annoying habit or not contradicting me, but sort of correcting me. All the damn time. Now the below is going to sound petty because its only one or two – but trust me EVERYTHING I currently say gets a form of correction, adjustment or a clarification added and it getting really old. Some examples

Me: We have four black and white cats Him: Well, three. Cat 4 has a small grey patch.

Me: It rained yesterday Him: Except at 12 o’clock when the sun came out for a bit

Me: The PIL are coming up from Devon on Wednesday? Him: East Devon, midweek

Seems like nothing right? harmless..................... but he is doing all the time! Everything I say he manages to find a small correction, error or problem with and he points it out. This was the one that caused us to have a little bit of barny and he stopped doing for a few days but restarted about a week later.

Me: I filled up the car at lunch
Him: Mmmm it was at 1400, that is a bit later than lunch.
Me: Ok, why did It need the clarification?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: You could have just agreed, left it or said thank you – but instead you chose to point out an error in my timing
Him: It was correct though
Me: Was it necessary or polite?
Him: I don’t see the problem -it was correct
Me: But I am asking do you think it was necessary or polite? Even if it was correct.
Him: You are getting bent out of shape over nothing

argument commences

Anyone come across anything like this before? He has just done it now in a conversation about a bill I'm off to pay and it nearly drove me to scream. Please believe me, its become constant.

Nothing else has changed. He is loving, engaged and still does little things to make me happy. I am so confused. I am also finding its changing how I speak to him to try and avoid the correction I know is coming. Which makes me sound long winded and I still get a correction!

Me: We have four black and white cats, though one has a grey spot.
Him: and a dog

(Yes I am aware of the irony or my username and this little rant - I got the book in a vain attempt to Just ignore this change in behaviour)

My ex started doing this when he was seeing other women too, the timing fits perfectly.

I remember feeling so confused, partly because previously he never really took a great interest when I was chit chatting but he did a complete 180 and picked me up on everything. He also started to criticise my cooking (too salty, to this too that) and housework (the house looks grubby) even though he helped with neither.

Fast forward six months or so and he was telling me I wasn’t clear in how I communicate and going forward I should email him rather than speak to him.

I hope it’s not that, but he’s got a bee in his bonnet about something.

he is obviously a nitprick

My DH does this, not to that extent but it drives me mad sometimes. I think it's a age thing (I don't mean that in a mean way) but he's older than me and I've noticed it the last few years. He's amazing in every other way but this splitting hairs winds me up!

Squirt him with a water gun until he stops!

Probably absolutely clutching at straws here, but my partner has also started doing this recently and I think it may be a really crappy side effect of long covid. He seems to have developed comprehension/concentration issues, and so is unable to hear/process what I'm saying, especially after he's been at work and/or is especially fatigued. So therefore he'll hear/understand half of what I said, then correct me in some way.
Also, whether the above is of any relevance or not..Have you tried asking him what it was you actually said at all? To see whether he is correcting what you actually said, or whether he has missed a pertinent word or 2? As I said, probably clutching at straws!
Hope that you can somehow resolve this op, I know how confusing, frustrating and utterly soul destroying it is to have your partner start behaving in this way.

When my children say things like this to wind up their siblings (usually similar in style ie ‘actually you didn’t do it all yourself, mum handed you the glue stick’ or something equally ridiculous) I say ‘Is it helpful? Is it kind? Then why say it?’

Can you start to make a joke about it?

When he says something, respond with 'you're not at work now dear, midday isn't an exact time'

'You're not at work now dear, the majority of the cat is black'

When my dh did something really annoying repeatedly, I sent him my mumsnet thread. It helped him see it written down. He also saw the amount of people who agreed it was not on and probably also realised how desperate I was to create a thread!

So ironic that people are splitting feathers with the op over her examples

😂

Feel your pain op, DH does this and it drives me insane

My usual quip is:

It does not facilitate the conversation

Are you going to try any of the suggestions OP?

Is he under unusual stress or not feeling well for any reason lately? Maybe something's made him crabbier than usual, without him even really being aware there's been a negative change in how he interacts with you?

You don't mention his age OP but has he been ill recently? Just before or around the time this all started?

@op he's constantly contradicting you. Does he feel inferior?
Does he feel superior by doing it?
Is he feeling paternal and feel the need to upgrade your diction?
Is he into factual speech?
My exh once accused me of using a split infinitive once. He was wrong and I proved it.
Unbearable condescending idiot

Has he been wfh? I've noticed this with my H, not exactly like yours, but very argumentative over petty things. I put it down to a lack of socialisation and basically a lack of hearing others opinions. His life now is quite insular by wfh.

I've noticed I have a tendency to do this ,(and really try not to) with DP. I think when I find myself doing it a lot it's because I'm generally feeling quite stressed/overwhelmed/irritated.
He's always like "alright poirot" and we can mostly laugh about it, I apologise, its like my brain is working too fast and zooming in on slight inaccuracies in things he is saying.

As a PP has asked, any chance you can be peri menopausal? Sadly PM can turn the most patient of women far less patient.

Otherwise I’d put Coronations Street on, show him Roy Cropper and say, “this is what you’re doing”’. Good luck.

This.

Does he do it in front of other people or to other people?

I'd give him a biscuit for being right every time he corrected you. Like a dog trying to be a good boy.

Has he got a new colleague who does this to him - he may have picked up the trait there?

Has he been watching a tv show where one of the chairs does this?

He just might be mimicking behaviour from a recent influence.

His work haven't recently sent him on a (bad) active listening course have they? I have had to do a few of those and this almost sounds like the suggestions in them - repeat back what you heard but in your own words - type of thing.
If so, he might be practicing on you, or even thinking he's showing you how much he's listening by trying to either say pretty much the same thing back or adding a bit.

Of course, this is me just trying to see if their could be even a remotely positive reason for it, but it doesn't make it less annoying (and if you've asked him to stop, he should really make an effort to do so!)

I am! Maybe he's been doing it for years and I've never realised.

Joking aside, it is a recent change.

Those asking if I will take up suggestions. I was primed last night for him to do it and be ready with 'oh, ok there Poirot' (as that one made me laugh)

However, he got caught up behind, not involved, in a large motorway accident last night and was sat there for a number of hours till the police got them backed up to the previous junction (no one was hurt) Bless him, he arrived home very tired and wrung out. (and much later that 1725 /1735 when he was supposed to meet me 😆)

So we've not really had to chance to chat.

To answer a number of your questions:

Is he now fully WFH? – No, he is hybrid one or two days at home

New co worker? – No, He has worked with his team for quite a while and he does enjoy the work.

Listening course? – No, he is not in a customer facing role, its rather specialist so they only liaise with other specialists – honestly its like they speak in another language

Long Covid? – We both have had covid twice and I’m not aware of any lingering symptoms, but I will ask him, it will be a gentle conversation opener.

Been ill generally? – He is fit as a fiddle, outside of what I mentioned above

Other changes? – nothing significant. The only thing I can think of is I won a ‘makeover’ and a new wardrobe around the time this all started. He didn’t say anything, but he managed to convey he didn’t like that they cut my long hair off quite short and coloured it. He has mentioned that the new clothes are a bit ‘fancy’ (I’m normally a jeans and fleece lass) but I would be surprised it that would have triggered this behaviour. He was genuinely pleased I won and if I am honest, am a solid 4/10 with some nice features - so makeover or not I'm not going to suddenly become ravishing and likely to stray or be hit on just because of a hair cut and a upgrade from tennis shoes to tasteful flats.