Husband cheating on his mistress!

[Susie253]

My husband broke up with me in Nov. After 15 years together he said he’d fallen in love with another woman he’d met 4 weeks before! He’s been living with her on and off since then.
Her husband died a year ago and she’s gone on holiday to deal with the anniversary leaving my husband in her house.
i signed into our home laptop today and found he was accessing dating sites looking for sex whilst she’s away!
should I let her know? She deserves better.

Ha!

Not if it will make your divorce more difficult. Otherwise, why not. Not sure why she deserves better though really.

This probably makes me horrible, but firstly I would have a good old private gloat. And then I would not tell her - keep out of it, she'll find out at some point. Also, do you mean that he is still living with you sometimes?

He hasn’t moved out of the family home yet. He comes and goes as he says “it’s his home”

I was wondering if I could do it “anonymously” 🧐

He broke up with you in November. Have either of you started divorce proceedings yet? Do you intend to?

Yes, why not.

TBH I wanted himback, so hadn’t made up my mind about divorce.
i can’t believe he’s in love with her if he’s cheating so quickly.
im very confused as to what to do

If you want him back don't do it. Stay out of it.

If you want rid of him tell her and start divorce proceedings. His life will be hell with two women chucking him at the same time.

Surely you don't want him back now?

So a wife AND a girlfriend aren’t enough for him?! Run for the hills. And tell his girlfriend so she can (hopefully) do the same.

I’d do it to fuck him over but not take him back. AFYER you change the locks.

The OP would be mad to have him back after this!

He's not in love with her.

She's his side fuck.

And now she's become the one in the centre ... he's one down.

So he's looking for a side fuck, to get back to business as usual.

Creatures of habit.

If it were me I'd send her the evidence as a quick forecast of what her life is going to be like.

After he's moved out and moved in with her, of course.

Her place is his home now. For now.

How can you prove it though? She probably won’t believe you.

You’re the “psycho ex-wife” (according to him)

If you tell her you might end up with him back full time, giving you hell. Why would you choose that? He's a knob, start the divorce.

i signed into our home laptop today and found he was accessing dating sites looking for sex whilst she’s away!
should I let her know? She deserves better.

Good Lord no, why would you do that? she was presumably aware of your existence when she was sleeping with your OH so she knows he has low standards. And as she was prepared to sleep with a married man and set up home with him, why does she 'deserve better'? let her learn the hard way what he's like, I say.

Of course there's every chance she'll find out and boot him out so get that divorce rolling before that happens and he comes sniffing around.

When a man marries his mistress there's a vacancy.

He's a shank op change your locks snd start divorce proceedings. Screen shot the evidence but keep it until you need it to leverage against him. If you tell her she's going to Chuck him out and he will want to get back to you so change locks and see a solicitor.

OP - he's cheated on you.
He's cheated - or trying to - on the woman he cheated with.
Do you see a pattern here?
Do you have any reason to think that if you take him back he'll change and not cheat again? because if you take him back that's, to him, tacit approval that he can treat you how he likes and get away with it.

I'm not minimising your emotions or how conflicted you are over him. I was there once - altho I don't think mine cheated on his partner in crime. But do you reallyy think he's going to repent and turn over a new leaf based on what you've found? I think that if you do have him back you'll be on tenterhooks all the time wondering what he's up to and with who, and that, for me in the end, was the killer.

Just leave him to it. Don’t take him back

Well. You see who he is do you really want him back.

Also you do not think she deserves better. Its fine you don't just don't kid yourself otherwise.

He's clearly pretty horrible, but I wish people would stop all this bollocks about "change the locks". You can't do this if you jointly own (or rent) a property. It comes up on every thread about cheating husbands and it's crap advice every time.

OP, have some self respect. You believe he was cheating on you as you refer to this woman as his 'mistress', you snooped and found that he's cheating on her - and you want him back? Ugh.

As for telling 'anonymously'... only shitty people would do that, no exceptions.

... and that trope, "when a man marries his mistress" is just misogynistic and used as a worthless sop. It's no more true than the existence of karma.

I think I would stay quiet.
Try and kick him out.
Maybe be a complete and utter bastard when he is in the house, make it as difficult and uncomfortable as you possibly can.
I would refer to him as The Cunt to his face. I would do my absolute best to get the fucker out of my house. Start divorce proceedings naming the ow if you have to. Then when he had gone to live with her and only when I knew I was hone and dry, I’d send her all the screen shots.

That's style! @Penguinsaregreat