Husband cheating on his mistress!

[Susie253]

My husband broke up with me in Nov. After 15 years together he said he’d fallen in love with another woman he’d met 4 weeks before! He’s been living with her on and off since then.
Her husband died a year ago and she’s gone on holiday to deal with the anniversary leaving my husband in her house.
i signed into our home laptop today and found he was accessing dating sites looking for sex whilst she’s away!
should I let her know? She deserves better.

Why do you want that filthy scrote back?

As usual, the correct punishment for an OW is that she gets cheated on, while the MM just deserves more cheating sex.

With that said, OP obviously doesn't owe a thing to either of these people. I just don't understand why she's still letting the randy twat come and go as he pleases.

I agree. My friend caught her DH and he insisted it was the first and only time. She kicked him out after he promised to be faithful only to be caught with the OW again.

A few years down the road, once she had had time to 'settle her head' and really sink into her new life, she started to reflect on their marriage and her life with him. She realized he ticked all the 'serial cheat' boxes and had probably been cheating since Day One. She also realized that he had been emotionally and financially abusive to boot, probably to hide his cheating.

She actually now 'blesses' the OW for taking him off her hands as she's lived a life of peace, calm, and the freedom to make her own financial decisions since their divorce. He ended up marrying the OW and as far as friend can tell, they've got a cushy life in material possessions, but they make each other miserable. We put them still being together down to 'sunk costs fallacy' since they broke up two families (she was married too) and lost the respect of their children to be together.

Take screen shots and tell him if he doesn’t want her to find out then he stops coming into your home Willy nilly and get your divorce sorted.

See him for who he is and put yourself first

Again, loving Mumsnet.
On another friend when OP asked "should I tell a husband his wife is cheating on him" everyone goes nooooooo none of your business, and here- yeah, why not, this sounds fun!

their relationship cant be going that well.
i cannot believe you want him back though

She actually now 'blesses' the OW for taking him off her hands as she's lived a life of peace, calm, and the freedom to make her own financial decisions since their divorce. He ended up marrying the OW and as far as friend can tell, they've got a cushy life in material possessions, but they make each other miserable

This is me apart from the 'make each other miserable' as I have no idea if they do or not. They have a nice house and I have a one bedroom flat but I have the aforementioned peace, calm and freedom. And no being a golf/football widow.

@Susie253 Has he always popular with women?
I ask because when divorce was on the cards due to my friend finding out that his wife was sleeping with some work colleagues, she went on a spending spree based upon the idea that she would only pay for 50% of the credit card debts.
His popularity might be down to the amount of cash he's flashing - which makes him a growing liability.

Yeah, tell her.

(a) she gets a dose of her own medicine and (b) it’s actually the nice thing to do.

win-win

No don’t tell her as it’s nothing to do with you.

I think that by telling her you are hoping she ends the relationship and he is forced to get back with you.
Even if that happens, you know he will still be out looking for other women.

Stop letting him treat you like a mug!
He is in a relationship with a different woman and you’re still letting him come and go like an idiot!
Please say you’re not still having sex with him.

If she knew he was married and cheating, you owe this woman nothing. Your update reads as though you hope she will end it so that you get him back. He is far from a prize, and the odds are he will cheat again and again. Raise your bar.

OP is actually connected to this situation. The guy in question is her husband.

So while I still think she should just let the whole thing implode naturally, this one actually is her business if she wants it to be.

You owe her nothing so don’t provide her lucky escape by telling her in order to get him back. All that will happen if you “win” him back is that you will spend your time in a state of suspended animation waiting for the next time he cheats and searching for the signs. The best revenge you could have is to let her have him and move on with your life. Whatever you do make sure it’s not going to make your life more difficult. Telling her might be a satisfying sense of Karma but how’s that going to help you long term in moving on to find a better relationship?

💯this.

I'm glad that you too have found your 'new' life to be better than the 'old'.

It'd be nice to have a MN thread dedicated to "Post divorce my life is so much better on my own" stories. Not so much stories of having found happiness with a new partner/husband, but women who are have truly 'come into their own', on their own.

So many women 'trapped' in unhappy marriages seem to fear being 'alone' or fear 'being lonely'. But you can be much more 'lonely' with the wrong man than you'll ever feel on your own. They need to know that they can be 'sufficient unto themselves' and that life on their own offers so much more than they're living with now, even if they end up financially 'worse' off.

Are you still having sex with him, OP?

Four things to do:
First, get yourself an attorney pronto.
Second, when he is over at his honey’s house, get the locks changed.
Third, when you have the first two times in place, send her the screenshot of what the bastard was doing while she was gone with the caption, “Cheaters always cheat.”
Fourth, break out the best bottle of wine you can afford and congratulate yourself on losing all that extra weight.

You deserve better.

I think he's a complete prick & while I'm not condoning her behaviour at all, as a new widow she would have been extremely vulnerable for a predatory sex pest & let's be clear - that's what he is as you've now found out.

Get your ducks in a row OP, change locks, start the divorce & then tell her.

HE is the one who owed you truth & loyalty & honesty & made vows with you.

She's just an idiot who is probably vulnerable & lonely albeit one who behaved badly.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. No exceptions unfortunately.

This actually isn't true.

Shhh on MN it is 😉

But it looks very likely this one would be.

Oh, this particular guy is a knob and a half and I can only assume his penis is made of gold or something.

I took it to be a warning to OW that their married lovers would (obviously) make unfaithful husbands second time round too!

Nothing so noble. It's a brainless soundbite originally from a notorious misogynist. And it is always used in a gleeful way to perpetuate the shitty idea that an OW deserves heartbreak while a serial shagger MM deserves more cheating sex.

It frequently isn't even true. It's not at all uncommon for a man to marry his OW and have a successful relationship with her. We have several posters whose exes are such men. One of them was trending earlier today. And how often, when someone posts about their relationship with a divorced man, do people ask if it started as an affair?

It's a stupid, nasty phrase and it needs to just fuck off and die already.

You can't help who you love but if you do take him back just make sure you do it knowing he will be cheating on you and will likely leave again and again until you put a stop to it.
As for the mistress, your being very understanding considering the circumstances. If you think telling her will split them up and him come back to you, it's possible but unlikely to last in whatever capacity.
If it's because of compassion for her then tell her. Thing is will karma, the way they've started their relationship is likely going to be what ends it.