Husband cheating on his mistress!

[Susie253]

My husband broke up with me in Nov. After 15 years together he said he’d fallen in love with another woman he’d met 4 weeks before! He’s been living with her on and off since then.
Her husband died a year ago and she’s gone on holiday to deal with the anniversary leaving my husband in her house.
i signed into our home laptop today and found he was accessing dating sites looking for sex whilst she’s away!
should I let her know? She deserves better.

Why do want this piece of garbage who goes around shagging other women back. For goodness sake have some pride and respect for yourself.

@LadyOfTheCanyon 100% agree.

The OW is probably vulnerable and your H saw his prey and pounced.
OP give your head a wobble why would you want not only a cheat but a manipulator back into your life?
In all the years you've been married, can you hand on heart say that you've not had doubts?

Her problem. Don’t let on you know anything to either of them. Screenshot everything.
You have to look after yourself and your children if you have any. You deserve better.
Even if you haven’t made up your mind find an understanding solicitor and sort out your legal side. Know everything legal on where you stand … well before he decides anything. Photo copy everything and delete all your private dealings off the devices.
Once a cheater always…

It sounds like you basically want to tell her in the hopes she’ll chuck him and you can have him back. No clue why you’d want him back, or why he’s coming and going from the house now that you’ve separated. But yeah, tell her. Then it can be your back he’s looking for sex behind instead.

I bet my house he's been cheating on you during those 15 years seeking sex off randoms off a website..this isn't his first roedeo. The fact he's now trying to do it to his new gf when she's away says it all. Why on earth would you want this waste of space back?

I know 15 years is a lot, but don't get stuck on the sunk cost fallacy.

He no longer loves you, he does not respect you and he has no consideration for you. This is your home, not his hotel. Go to a lawyer for advice what to do to and don't tell him about that and don't tell her.

He is never going to return to the loving person he was at the start of your marriage. That guy is dead. So mourn him and move on. This is by no means easy, it's difficult, but it's a simple problem with a simple solution.

Although to add - you won’t be telling her anything she doesn’t know. She knows (whether she admits it to herself or not) that he looks for sex behind his partner’s back. She was the sex he found last time. So it’s not like ‘he’s a cheater’ will be a shock to her.

Honestly…. I’d say NOTHING, maybe get some evidence of his infidelity. Get divorced… if you can, use as leverage the idea you’re being so good about him moving on to try and get better terms.

Then, when you like, after the divorce, tell her the truth.

Yeah I would assume he was cheating the whole time not just with this latest one

It is highly unlikely your husband went from monogamy to serial cheating over night op.

He has probably been cheating on you in a similar way.

Not a keeper by any standard.

Acting as if this is true…

If you are not sure if you want him back, your primary concern, with regard to his feelings, is whether or not he loves you. And he clearly, clearly does not. In fact, he clearly has utter contempt for you.

I would refer to him as The Cunt to his face

Ah Mumsnet, ironically the bastion of misogynistic insults - lovely!

Although the details of my family's story are different to yours, I do think there are thousands (hundreds of thousands?) of women of our generation whose understanding of relationships, men and fidelity has been irretrievably shaped by the way our fathers behaved.

Love and solidarity to you x

Want him back? A cheat and a liar who isn't satisfied with that but goes on sites for yet more sex? Nobody in their right minds would want him.

You want him back??

Hebis not in love with her.

He is not in love with you.

Just leave him to it.

He may fund what he wants.

Move on and leave his business.

You’re not doing it for concern for her be honest. You just want him back yourself and hoping by telling her she will kick him out and he will run back to you. Just get some self respect.

This 100%.

He has made it clear he don't want to be with you.

Leave it parked.

What he does is nothing to do with you.

You don't feel sorry for the other woman.

Why would you she took.the husband who it appears you want back

Leave him to what he wants. Nothing to do with you.

Nope. Serves her right. Get him out of your house.

Does this not show you how he really is???
I think someone has been watching over you ... if you believe in that sort of thing. The universe has presented you with this further evidence knowing you had not made your mind up whether to take him back ...although you knew he was knocking around with the one who has lost her husband.
But, and I mean a big BUT now that you have found out he is searching for someone else to have sex with whilst the other woman is away... is something else! What a fool you would be to even consider taking him back now!! If this is how he is carrying on...I think he has behaved that way right through your marriage but has not been caught. Tell him to do one!! Get an appointment with a Solicitor and start Divorce Proccedings and get him out the House a.s.a.p. Show all evidence to the Solicitor first...then if the soon to be ex husband kicks off at having to get out the house....show him the further evidence you have found! Start getting some therapy to help you realise what you have put up with and to build up your confidence and self esteem. Start concentrating on You and look after YOURSELF!! He is just the dirt under your shoe!!

Have you had an STI test OP? Regardless of what else you decide to do, you need to organise this straight away.

I can't understand why you allow him to treat you like this.

You are simply allowing him to have a mistress but from the comfort of his own home with you in it.

Please, work on your self-esteem and divorce him.
Tell him he has to leave and see a solicitor to sort out your joint assets.

No I would let her have a taste of her own medicine and sit back and gloat

Whatever you do don’t have him back!

But I’d tell her. When she’s back send her a note.

Look, OP, they probably MET on a dating site, so this info wouldn't come as any surprise - altho I never cease to be surprised at how cheating partners can delude themselves that they are different and this is a Great Love.