Page 3 | Husband cheating on his mistress!

Wingingit11 · 08/01/2023 16:31

OP ignore all the dramatic posts above. It really makes no difference as “evidence”. Conduct doesn’t come into divorce or financial settlement, and it doesn’t in this respect in relation to arrangements for children. Don’t tell the OW, if there are children you need to play the long game. Take screen shots if you need to, assure yourself you’re better off without a twunk like this, and take steps at the right pace to sort your separation (there is no need to initiate divorce proceedings tomorrow like people screaming above suggests!)

WaddleAway · 08/01/2023 16:32

Well he’s obviously proven himself to be a cheating, lying scumbag so I assume you’ve put the idea of taking him back to bed now?

gogohmm · 08/01/2023 16:34

The only reason to be confused about what to do is if you want to play him at his own game and tell him you are fine with an open relationship and get yourself a boyfriend! I do know couples who have gone down this route rather than divorcing, partly for the children supposedly but usually for complex financial reasons. My neighbour did this for 5 years before she managed to negotiate a settlement (all assets in her name plus a limited company, in the end he took a cash settlement plus the house they had rented out signed over to him)

lunar1 · 08/01/2023 16:35

I'd tell her, they probably have a right collection of STI's between them all to check for.

Sandra1984 · 08/01/2023 16:37

@Susie253 signed into our home laptop today and found he was accessing dating sites looking for sex whilst she’s away!
should I let her know? She deserves better.

Why do you want to show sympathy to the woman your husband ran away with? Mind boggles. And why are you so sure it would be a problem for her the boyfriend is accessing sex websites? You need to move on with your life and get rid of this tosser. Let her have him with all his sex sites searching and all.

pinkyredrose · 08/01/2023 16:38

Why the hell would you want him back?

Deathraystare · 08/01/2023 16:39

Who the fuck would want him now. Ewww!

keri17 · 08/01/2023 16:40

Let her suffer , she knew what she was getting into

ReneBumsWombats · 08/01/2023 16:42

I can't see how you owe either of them anything.

If he's been so stupid that you could find out, I expect the silly randy bugger will mess up with her pretty soon.

CrazyBiscuits · 08/01/2023 16:42

Knowledge is power. Now is not the time to use it. Screenshot for evidence. If she was having an affair with him then they deserve eachother. Once a cheater always a cheater. She knew what she was getting when she found out he was married. Get over him and get out of the situation by divorcing ASAP. He's a double dick dater.

Canthave2manycats · 08/01/2023 16:42

Penguinsaregreat · 08/01/2023 15:24

I think I would stay quiet.
Try and kick him out.
Maybe be a complete and utter bastard when he is in the house, make it as difficult and uncomfortable as you possibly can.
I would refer to him as The Cunt to his face. I would do my absolute best to get the fucker out of my house. Start divorce proceedings naming the ow if you have to. Then when he had gone to live with her and only when I knew I was hone and dry, I’d send her all the screen shots.

Oh this!!!

Definitely don't tell her - she deserves nothing from you! She was happy enough to do the dirty on you!

Get rid. Why would you consider for a millisecond getting back with the cheating bastard?!

Sandra1984 · 08/01/2023 16:42

I would screenshot all the websites and his browsing history and tell him if he’s not out of the house by next week mistress is getting all the screenshots.

Togoodtobeforgotten · 08/01/2023 16:43

Penguinsaregreat · 08/01/2023 15:24

I think I would stay quiet.
Try and kick him out.
Maybe be a complete and utter bastard when he is in the house, make it as difficult and uncomfortable as you possibly can.
I would refer to him as The Cunt to his face. I would do my absolute best to get the fucker out of my house. Start divorce proceedings naming the ow if you have to. Then when he had gone to live with her and only when I knew I was hone and dry, I’d send her all the screen shots.

This is the best response yet!

IncompleteSenten · 08/01/2023 16:43

Did she know he was married?

When you say she deserves better, do you really mean that or are you secretly wanting to get some feeling of revenge but you are telling yourself you're doing it for her to make you feel like you are being kind?

I'd leave it tbh. It doesn't benefit you in any way. Get the divorce sorted and move on with your life. He's not worth it.

tonystarksrighthand · 08/01/2023 16:46

My DF had an affair and is still with her after 35 years. Left my DM but then had an affair with my DM for years.

WTAF ....

100% played a part in my distrust of men for ever.

stopringingme · 08/01/2023 16:50

Penguinsaregreat · 08/01/2023 15:24

I think I would stay quiet.
Try and kick him out.
Maybe be a complete and utter bastard when he is in the house, make it as difficult and uncomfortable as you possibly can.
I would refer to him as The Cunt to his face. I would do my absolute best to get the fucker out of my house. Start divorce proceedings naming the ow if you have to. Then when he had gone to live with her and only when I knew I was hone and dry, I’d send her all the screen shots.

This is the best response

Idontgiveashitanymore · 08/01/2023 16:51

1 divorce that scum bag
2 let her find out herself

Blossomtoes · 08/01/2023 16:53

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 08/01/2023 15:20

... and that trope, "when a man marries his mistress" is just misogynistic and used as a worthless sop. It's no more true than the existence of karma.

This situation is the embodiment of it. You couldn’t ask for better proof.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/01/2023 16:54

Nah, why blow a good chance that he may decide to vacate the family home and move in full time with her? Or at least, him being at her place gives you periods of calm in your home when he's at hers. Keep track of that too via a secret log or calendar. It may mean something legally, it may not. Ask your solicitor if there is some kind of 'threshold' at which someone is determined to have 'abandoned' the family home, or if even one night here and there is enough to keep their foot in the door.

I agree with screen shotting everything, and I'd see if you can quietly 'follow his adventures' with more screen shots if he decides to meet up with someone. I don't know how dating apps work, can you view messages sent back and forth or does one go to once's own devices to text/email a 'connection'?

In most cases of divorce, it's best to hold ALL your cards close to the vest, and show them only when it works to your advantage.

StaunchMomma · 08/01/2023 16:54

I cannot believe you wanted him back.

He will NEVER be faithful to you, or anyone else.

Take the initiative & serve the tosser.

Whydidimarryhim · 08/01/2023 16:55

I’d be suspicious if this was his first mistress - get rid and don’t be made a fool of. Some marriages maybe worth saving but not yours given how he’s also filling a gap whilst she is away. Start divorce proceedings. I’m sure it’s tough but he’s moved on.

novicegardenerr · 08/01/2023 16:57

I'm minded to say yes anonymously post her a letter saying something like "once a cheater always a cheater"

HOWEVER

her throwing him out on his arse may bring him back to your door and he may insist on staying. (I'm not familiar with this so I'm not sure if he has a right to stay in the family home or not!)

Either way I would start proceedings.

PeekAtYou · 08/01/2023 16:57

She won't believe you. He will say that you are the ex so will be out for revenge against them. How does she know that you didn't log into his laptop as him and "frame him"?

If you've been here long enough then you'd know that "I looked but would never have actually cheated" is a common excuse. There was also an AMA by someone who sells sex and she says that men who book but don't turn up is not unusual.

I wouldn't tell her. Telling her will make your life and divorce more difficult and you risk him being even more nasty in future. If you really want to tell her then do it after he's moved out to his own place (or with another woman) You don't want him coming back to live under your roof after you caused his shag.

Opentooffers · 08/01/2023 16:58

He's showing you that this isn't the first time he's cheated in your 15 years together. Ever been anywhere away from him overnight in that time? I'll bet he's always been on the lockout for easy sex whenever he's got alone time. If he's doing that to someone he's 'in love' with, he will have done it to you too over the years.
Better get an sti check, hope your smear checks are up to date too, as he's high risk of hpv - condoms don't protect against that.
The reality is that he's also a health risk to you, something for you to consider if you have him back. Sticking with him tells him you'll accept more of the same, he may well be fine with having his cake and eating it, and if you are, then have an open relationship- you could ask him for that, but would he agree? I doubt it because he wants what he wants and isn't bothered about anyone else clearly.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/01/2023 16:58

All of what I'm going to say in the first instance is based on the assumption that she knew he was married. Why does she deserve better. You're acting like you owe her something. You owe this women zilch. She knew what she was getting into by getting with a married man. If he can cheat on his wife who he has,made his vows with then she can't honestly think he wouldn't cheat on her. Fuck her, what went around has gone around. I'm afraid I'd have no sympathy whatsoever.

However what I'm going to say now is based on the assumption that she's just an innocent party who has no clue he was married. If you think about that could happen to anyone of us then absolutely she does need to know and she does deserve better.