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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to find out who's number this is?

106 replies

Olivesandhoney · 05/01/2023 09:00

I have been suspicious for a while but found a text on husbands phone with the message.. Happy new year, I love you ❤️ Have checked its not family on both sides. Do I just call?

OP posts:
minidancer · 05/01/2023 09:05

Is there a photo on Watsap? Have you tried putting the number into google?

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 05/01/2023 09:06

Save the number on your phone and check WhatsApp to see if they have a pic, or try a Facebook search for the number

sorry OP, doesn’t look good 😔

shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:06

Is there any previous chat between him and that number?

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 05/01/2023 09:07

Was it in isolation? Nothing before or after?

Original poster
Olivesandhoney · 05/01/2023 09:07

Nothing before or after and the number hasn't been saved.. tried the WhatsApp and Facebook tricks

OP posts:
shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:08

What is he doing in himself that makes you suspicious?

Swannning · 05/01/2023 09:09

Are you sure it was for him? Could have just been someone spamming everyone that has ever been in their contacts

cantba · 05/01/2023 09:10

I would withhold my number and call. You could pretend to be an ambulance chaser.

Is it a text or a whatsapp? Agree worth putting the number in your whatsapp to see if a photo / name comes up. Also search facebook as some people link their phone number

Does your dh have itemised billing? Have a look and see if he texts that number often.

That would be a weird thing for anyone to just write. Sorry op.

cantba · 05/01/2023 09:12

That said if its not coming up in whatsapp most people have whatsapp these days so
Could just be a scammer. Maybe just text it from your phone "who is this?" A scammer would get back to you.

Original poster
Olivesandhoney · 05/01/2023 09:12

Suspicious behaviour is linked to phone mainly. Never leaves him. Still intimate and loving but there seems to be an invisible barrier that I can't quite put my finger on. Can't see phone bill, all in his name..

OP posts:
Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 05/01/2023 09:13

Ask him. His reaction will be interesting. What other suspicions do you have @Olivesandhoney . Clearly enough to be worried. Sorry you're going through this.

shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:17

Sorry your going through this. Unless you contact the number yourself and withhold your number - pretend you've called the wrong number or something your going to have to ask him or this will eat you up

Hotsweatymomspagetti · 05/01/2023 09:19

Yep agree withhold number and call / pretend to be from a hairdressers, when they get confused ask them for their name (then apologies and say super sorry we must have got your number mixed up in our system with another client)

Original poster
Olivesandhoney · 05/01/2023 09:21

I will definitely ask but I need the information first. He's so much more clever than me I think he will lie. Thank you all so much for your responses. I appreciate it so much.

OP posts:
Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 05/01/2023 09:23

Don't undersell yourself. He's not so clever if he's left a message on his phone and you've been clever enough to have suspicions.

LaLuz7 · 05/01/2023 09:26

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 05/01/2023 09:13

Ask him. His reaction will be interesting. What other suspicions do you have @Olivesandhoney . Clearly enough to be worried. Sorry you're going through this.

If you ask and he's actually cheating, then he'll just deny and rush to destroy evidence. Bad strategy.

I would give digging for other clues before that conversation.

Original poster
Olivesandhoney · 05/01/2023 09:26

LaLuz7 · 05/01/2023 09:26

If you ask and he's actually cheating, then he'll just deny and rush to destroy evidence. Bad strategy.

I would give digging for other clues before that conversation.

Show quote history

This is my worry..

OP posts:
007sky · 05/01/2023 09:28

Has he had the time to be seeing someone else? I mean enough for them to love him?

Original poster
Olivesandhoney · 05/01/2023 09:29

He works very long hours but I feel like it is possible..

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 05/01/2023 09:30

007sky · 05/01/2023 09:28

Has he had the time to be seeing someone else? I mean enough for them to love him?

You underestimate both how sneaky men can be and how easy some women say I love you.

rainbowstardrops · 05/01/2023 09:32

I don't think I'd confront him just yet because he'll probably just deny it.
I quite like PP suggestion of withholding your number and pretending to be a hairdresser or something and then claiming you've got their number mixed up.

shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:32

Do you have the type of relationship with him, if he received a dodgy random message he would tell you about it?

Original poster
Olivesandhoney · 05/01/2023 09:34

shieldmaiden7 · 05/01/2023 09:32

Do you have the type of relationship with him, if he received a dodgy random message he would tell you about it?

I think he would.. but now I'm questioning myself on whether I actually know him at all anymore.

OP posts:
NandJsmum · 05/01/2023 09:45

You could also try other messaging apps such as Signal and Telegram I think.

fortheast12 · 05/01/2023 09:46

I would call the number. If you don't want to ask them directly, you could create a scenario beforehand to get them into some sort of brief conversation.

I've been called by a guy who was rearranging a physio appointment he had made for one of his clients but he called my number by mistake where he'd obviously messed up on the number. Could be something like that?