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Original poster

I think the man I am seeing is giving me a slow fade

113 replies

Itfeelslikeforever · 04/01/2023 23:03

It’s excruciating. It’s been a year and he pursued me doggedly for six months before that.

for the last two months he has tapered off seeing me blaming work, Christmas… his family and friends’ problems.. not wanting to leave his dog alone. He went from calling every day to every other day to once every three days and now we are hitting once a week.

the last time I saw him was December 8th. We went out for dinner had a great time, went back to his, had sex. He sent me a string of heart emojis in the morning and I felt everything was back on track.

when I get a chance to speak to him I offer him a get out but he insists he is just busy. I even told him I thought he was slow fading me and I’d prefer he just breaks up with me. He insisted he wasn’t, said it was upsetting I said that.

he has gone away with work now for two weeks (!) I spoke to him before he left. I haven’t heard from him for four days. We have our own holiday planned at the end of this month.

i don’t know how to bring this torture to an end?

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 04/01/2023 23:08

Ditch and block

Tolatetotheparty · 04/01/2023 23:10

I think you need to take control and end it. Don't hang around waiting for him to decide. He is showing a low level of interest and your tone suggests you want more. End the waiting game and trust your gut if you sense he is fading you out. You have the power to end it on your terms.

CrapBucket · 04/01/2023 23:11

Can you transfer the holiday to someone else? Do that first, then ditch him?

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/01/2023 23:12

I don't think I'd even bother telling him it was over. I'd just block him, and if he ever got in touch again, say don't be ridiculous we didn't have a relationship because you were never there

TheUsualChaos · 04/01/2023 23:12

If the relationship isn't working for you then put an end to it yourself. Don't wait for him if he isn't making you feel like you are an important part of his life.

minticecreamisjustok · 04/01/2023 23:13

He's bread crumbing you, just send a message, it's no longer working for you. Trying to explain won't do any good, he won't admit he's fading you out, you just have to be the one to end it and move on.

OriginalUsername2 · 04/01/2023 23:14

It doesn’t sound good.

Is he really on a work holiday?

This seems like the script for cheating. Is it possible that he”s seeing someone else but keeping his options open with you?

Tanfastic · 04/01/2023 23:15

I was in a similar situation once but ended up going on the holiday with him and he was so disinterested on the trip that when we got back I just confronted him and said "I don't think you want to be with me anymore do you". He didn't answer but he didn't have to. I walked away and never looked back.

I don't think he's as into you as he once was op. Sorry to say.

OffToThatPlace · 04/01/2023 23:15

Sounds like he has a wife or girlfriend and he's been lying to you the whole time.

Do yourself a favour and ditch him. Men like this aren't worth the heartache.

WunWun · 04/01/2023 23:16

I would be concerned that the reason he isn't just ending it is out of occasional convenience when he's got nothing else to do.

I would just tell him it's not working for you how it is. It's not what you want from a relationship, being on a back burner and pulled out every now and again.

Definitely don't block him, it looks so melodramatic.

Honeyroar · 04/01/2023 23:19

You told him how you felt, that you were sad about the relationship. He turned it back on you , saying what you said was upsetting and wasn’t true. Then he carried on doing the same, perhaps more than before… It’s not good enough, is it? Gather up your pride, cut your losers?

HaggisBurger · 04/01/2023 23:19

Why do men do this? It’s excruciating as you say. And I do actually get that it’s much easier said than done to just block and move on. When they reassure you they DO want a relationship.

But - let’s just assume these excuses are indeed entirely genuine and he is massively in love with you and devoted to your future. And still - it doesn’t give you what you need or want. So it’s all a moot point isn’t it.

Trying to get your head around the why leads to more madness. Just analysing what he has to offer gives its own answer.

I have a very busy complicated life with pets and kids and work - I still manage to speak to my DP of 20 mths at least once a day and we see each other on average 2-3 times per week even over Xmas despite living an hour away. You’re not wrong to want more. A lot more

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/01/2023 23:19

He doesn’t want to be the bad guy and end it, so he’s putting you in a position where you have to.

The only thing to do is ended. In your shoes I would send him a message saying it’s time to call time, and all the best. Then block.

HaggisBurger · 04/01/2023 23:22

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/01/2023 23:19

He doesn’t want to be the bad guy and end it, so he’s putting you in a position where you have to.

The only thing to do is ended. In your shoes I would send him a message saying it’s time to call time, and all the best. Then block.

Plus he doesn’t need to worry about ending it or upping his game. As the OP is there ready to see him and have sex when he wants it.

But does sound v like he’s either previously attached or got someone new on the go.

ArcaneWireless · 05/01/2023 00:08

How do you end the torture?

You end it by getting rid.

Slow fade is because he is too much of a mealie-mouthed pudding to end it.

Time for a fast finish OP.

BlastedPimples · 05/01/2023 00:32

Just block him.

No explanation necessary.

He's treating you like a convenience.

How dare he?

Once you take back control and block him, ignore him, move on, you will feel hugely better and empowered.

ClangingBell · 05/01/2023 00:34

Just end it and block him. You need to take back the control. You’re not actually seeing someone if you haven’t seen him for a month of the 12 months you’ve been dating. It’s over.

Pansypotter123 · 05/01/2023 00:39

I'd pull the plug on this one.

What would you do about the holiday - who paid? Who booked it? Could you cancel, arrange to go with someone else, give him his share back?

Guavafish1 · 05/01/2023 00:49

Take back control and dump him

thisusernameisnotavailablepleasetryanother · 05/01/2023 01:07

It sounds like he's staying in contact because he knows the holiday is coming up. I think he will go on holiday with you, have loads of sex then tell you it's not working when you get home.
Dump and block before the holiday OP. You deserve better

SimoneSimone · 05/01/2023 05:16

End it, he will be just as relieved as you are, but not as brave.

ThesefoolishthingsWallace · 05/01/2023 05:39

Find another lover.

TOclock · 05/01/2023 05:44

Trust your instincts. If he wanted to see you, he would. Do what he can't. Move on.

meganiris192 · 05/01/2023 05:49

Op I'm so sorry but I do believe he's going off you 😢. Some men are like this tho and chose to ignore rather than end it . Either it gives them an ego boost or they never really cared that much in the first place . Do you think he might be seeing someone else ? This happened to my mother ! I found out that he was in fact married ! For 25 bloody years . When he said he was away with work I found out through social media he was in fact in Rome with his wife celebrating their anniversary. I messaged him and said if he doesn't stop texting my mother I would be informing his wife . She never heard from him again . Even tho they were together 3 years and planned a holiday too

Fuckstix · 05/01/2023 05:53

What's the deal with the holiday, who has paid, can you get a refund/ change the booking/ go alone?

I wouldn't leave myself substantially out of pocket but would want to cut my losses. He's barely arsed to ring and you haven't seen him in a month. You deserve muvh more engagement than that. He will probably let this piddle on until he meets someone else, I'm sorry to say. God knows why they do it.