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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband is ruining Xmas already

117 replies

Pbaby0401 · 25/12/2022 07:10

Im using this space to vent more than anything as there’s not much else I can do at the moment!

Dh and I had a strained day yesterday, his parents are staying with us and they’re not the easiest and it has manifested itself in us snapping at each other throughout yesterday. Eventually it went into a bit of a row and he told me to ‘ go f yourself you f*g slg’, while I was holding our newborn baby.

his parents both heard and tried to tell him how out of order he was and he turned on both of them, screaming at everyone and then went to bed. Both of them said to me that they hope he behaves today.

well he’s woken up and started again, making out that we’re all ganging up on him and trying to make a big deal out of everything. I’ve told him I don’t want to discuss it as it’s Xmas day and we’ve also got 2 dds aged 2&4 that I want to enjoy their day. This is somehow making him more angry that I wont argue with him.

it’s like dealing with an overemotional child and to be honest, I’m wondering if he’s got some sort of postnatal depression as he’s been off with everyone since ds was born a month ago. Either way though, I just want to make today as magical as possible for the kids and he seems intent on ruining it. I’ve just spent the past 20 mins feeding ds in bed with tears rolling down my face. Not the best start to a Christmas morning.

im so upset and angry with him but feel like I need to put on a fake smile and just get through the day.

like I said, I suppose I’m just using this to vent but any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly received.

Really hope everyone else has a lovely day!

OP posts:
Ingles2 · 25/12/2022 07:13

Oh bless you.. a very big squishy hug..
are your family nearby?

Beanbagtrap · 25/12/2022 07:13

He sounds vile and you've every right to be upset. I'd concentrate on the DC today

Mumdiva99 · 25/12/2022 07:14

I'm so sorry. I hope your day improves. X

KangarooKenny · 25/12/2022 07:16

He does sound vile, I hope his parents are proud of what they have produced.
Just get through today for the kids, then LTB !

cantsing · 25/12/2022 07:17

Oh my goodness.

Make plans to leave in the new year.

cantsing · 25/12/2022 07:17

KangarooKenny · 25/12/2022 07:16

He does sound vile, I hope his parents are proud of what they have produced.
Just get through today for the kids, then LTB !

Don't blame them. He's a grown adult.

ChristmasChair · 25/12/2022 07:19

The small light in that bleakness is that the inlaws defended you somewhat and witnessed his behaviour firsthand.

ClarathecrosseyedLioness · 25/12/2022 07:19

Make sure he gets a belated Christmas present in the form of divorce papers.

upfucked · 25/12/2022 07:20

Has he ever spoken to you like this before? I was all for saying Christmas is very stressful until I read what he said. Concentrate on the kids today.

QuiltedHippo · 25/12/2022 07:21

I'm so sorry I hope you can focus on your lovely children today and ignore him

whatisforteamum · 25/12/2022 07:21

Maybe he is struggling.No need to be so rude to you though.
Take the pressure off and concentrate on your dcs.Everything doesn't have to be perfect for them to enjoy themselves. You have a lot on your plate with 3 young ones and in laws staying.
I hope you can have a lovely day though.

ChessieDarling · 25/12/2022 07:22

He sounds disgusting. Every couple rows and argues sometimes but the way he spoke to you is appalling and screaming at anyone is so beyond the realms of acceptable, normal behaviour. You don’t need to put up with that, and you shouldn’t. Please know that you deserve better and your daughters deserve to know that this behaviour is unacceptable and that women shouldn’t have to accept it.

Aixellency · 25/12/2022 07:22

Don’t try to make the day ‘magical’. For anyone. That just puts far too much strain on you. And, as you’ve seen, your husband is unlikely to be supporting any such endeavour.

One thing - you can’t do anything about his nasty behaviour - but try to restrict the flow of alcohol. Or at least be aware that if he’s drinking that will make things worse.

Also, if it’s possible for you and the children to get outside at some point during the day that might ease the tension and aggression you’re facing.

Try to have a relaxed day with your children and in-laws. The rest you’ll need to address soon, give yourself a break today.

Lex345 · 25/12/2022 07:34

Tell him very calmly he either winds his neck in or spends Christmas elsewhere.

"But it will spoil Christmas"-nope, he is already doing that with his behaviour. Don't put up with it.

lightlypoached · 25/12/2022 07:36

Ah @Pbaby0401 that's so crap.

It's good that your in laws are onside and they are your wing men in all of this shit show.

My advice ? Treat hike like a naughty child - ignore the bad behaviour and don't rise to it. For example he says something rude m you just say ' cup of tea anyone?' turn your back on him and walk away. Like he's invisible. No reaction, no comment, nothing. Don't rise to it. All your attention on something nice and positive.

That scene in Love Actually at the school where Emma Thompson confronts her husband re his infidelity, then turns around, bug grin to her kids 'darlings, you were marvellous!' That kind of thing,

Deal with the proper discussion after Christmas.

Deep breaths. Focus on the kids, your in laws and the photo or things, ignore his bad behaviour and get through it.

Good luck and dare I say it - happy Christmas 🎅!?

lightlypoached · 25/12/2022 07:37

So many typos but you get the drift !!!!!

Pbaby0401 · 25/12/2022 07:42

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. It’s just nice to have some encouragement to get me through the day.

I hope you all have a really lovely Christmas and New Year xxx

OP posts:
Saturdaynoon · 25/12/2022 07:52

Deep breathes to get through today for the dcs, but I think you need to ask yourself, does he usually make everything about him? Drag you into arguments that you don't want?

Don't try and look for answers to excuse his behaviour, just watch it from an emotional distance and see what he's doing.

TheChosenTwo · 25/12/2022 07:57

Get through today and do Whatever it takes over the next 12 months to ensure that this time next year you’ll wake up much lighter and happier without this bloke spoiling yours and the kids enjoyment.

Justellingthetruth · 25/12/2022 07:57

@Pbaby0401

may saying sorry whilst crazy might make the day better

was he drinking yesterday?
now Has hang over ?

it all makes people ratty and stupid

Sunflowergirl1 · 25/12/2022 08:00

Is he normally like that OP? If he is, he sounds awful. I would consider the future as he won't get better

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/12/2022 08:06

Has he ever spoken to you like this before?

nancydroo · 25/12/2022 08:09

Being told to F off I can handle being told I'm an ffing slag I could not. Miserable git. Hope you can get through it with some happiness. Try to address it after Xmas with him. If he continues to act like this tell him can go live with his parents

fghj149 · 25/12/2022 08:20

Is this normal language for him? It’s completely unacceptable. Screw the Christmas part, there will be other Christmases, if he continues like this I’d politely tell your in laws that they need to go home and that he needs to go with them. Sounds like he is behaving like a monster.

NinjaWarriorCooker · 25/12/2022 08:23

KangarooKenny · 25/12/2022 07:16

He does sound vile, I hope his parents are proud of what they have produced.
Just get through today for the kids, then LTB !

I don’t expect they are! Which is why they told him he was out of order.

it’s like you’re blaming them for a grown man acting badly.